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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 13 2016, 09:57 AM (527 Views) | |
| + Pointer | Jun 13 2016, 09:57 AM Post #1 |
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So I am in a relationship with a woman. She is perfect and we love each other.... everything is 100% perfect and I mean everything only that I have 100000000000000000000 stress Now the deal is.....she is about to finish uni... as a dr. and she want to work abroad Germany to be specific. In a place which is 2000 km away from the place i live now.... She d like to start there in october. And she suggest or imply that so I shall also go with her, since I f***ing love her and everything is absolutely perfect between us. I would follow her to the edge of the universe BUT. I dont have a job.... or i d say I am yet to find a job. And There are a lot of negative stuff opposing this idea /i mean the moving abroad stuff/ 1, Leave the family behind 2 Leave the friends behind 3 I dont even know a f***ing german word 4 I would feel uncomfornable in a different "culture" of ppl 5 I dont think I could find a good job, there, where I could feel myself not that emberassed because of my english and lack of german 6 I ll have an ongoing interview in the capital here, and so Either that or the nothing if i follow her I swear to GOD if this s*** will make us to seperate, I will go to the room and cry for enernity |
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| + Emmeth | Jun 13 2016, 10:50 AM Post #2 |
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I ♥ Yoeri
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Moving to a new place, and country specifically, can be a very daunting and scary thing, but you have to realize that things will get better over time. You will get used to living there, but you have to ask yourself one important question before you decide: Are you willing to drop everything to go all-in when it comes to this relationship with your girlfriend? Nothing else matters, honestly. - Your family and friends will always be there for you no matter where you are. You might miss them from time to time, but we live in a very accessible world now where we can travel almost anywhere we want, anytime we want. There's also the internet where you can keep in touch with them, so that should lighten the load a bit. - You will learn german. In my experience it's not a very difficult language to learn. Just stay focused on learning it, read 'learn german' books and pick up things from the natives. This is probably the least thing you need to worry about. - I'm not entirely up and up on my knowledge of the culture in Germany, but I think it's most like any other country in Europe, honestly. Being uncomfortable with culture is normal in the beginning, but you'll get used to this too. - You should not feel embarrassed about not knowing the language of a country you're not from, and people, especially in jobs, will understand this. You'll learn the language eventually and your english will be good enough for a while, I feel like you are decently adequate at it. - This is where you need to question your relationship with your girlfriend, if she's worth giving up a potentially job in Hungary. You need to have a serious talk with her about this, air everything that's troubling you. If she truly cares about you and loves you, she'll understand any decision you might take. That should just about cover everything, though I'm not an expert by any means. Just giving friendly advice. Edited by Emmeth, Jun 13 2016, 10:50 AM.
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| * Mitas | Jun 13 2016, 11:16 AM Post #3 |
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption
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The way anybody deals with the various points you brought up are all unique to that person, so nobody here can answer this for you. To be honest, you probably can't even answer it yourself; the only way to really know is to do it. The key thing here is how does the risk of moving to a new country weigh up to the reward of it working and the relationship you have with this girl? If you really want this to relationship to work, and the only way that that's possible is to move away with her, then that's what you have to do. You just have to also be aware that it might not be easy and it might not work (which this topic seems to indicate you are aware). Regarding your points: - Friends and family will always be there. That's not to say you won't miss them; I know I certainly did when I moved to Australia, but there is always Skype and phone calls, and in the grand scheme of things, Hungary and Germany are pretty close, so you could probably visit fairly regularly if need be. - Language-wise, I can't speak on how hard it will be to learn German (again, different people are more adept at learning languages than others), but I will say that you seem to know English, which I think is pretty widely spoken in Germany. Obviously you can't just rely on that, but it'll help initially while you are learning German. If your girlfriend doesn't know German, you can learn together and if she knows it already, she can help you learn. - Job-wise, you say you don't think you'll be able to find a job you'll be happy with there, but you complain a lot on here that you aren't finding a job where you live currently. What have you got to lose? I hope you figure this out though and just know that there is no wrong choice here. There are pros and cons no matter the choice, just make the right one for you. |
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time." "Next time?" "Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is." | |
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| Buuberries | Jun 13 2016, 11:48 AM Post #4 |
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No
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manz be echoin' dis sentiment rite here, innit |
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| + Pointer | Jun 13 2016, 11:55 AM Post #5 |
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Only problem is its like Her dreams against me. I mean she said several times so that Movin to germany is not the only option, so that we shall settle the westest side of the country(hungary) and she could go to work in Austria but would live still in Hungary with me. Thats d be fun, but this option is kinda descreasing in the way of possibly choices, since she got a phone call so that she got the job in the north side of germany.... and now she is all hyped up... I mean ... I have SERIOUS doubts about so that i could fit in that life style. I mean i truly love her, and i think we can be even more than that BUT i still have those issues listed above......../ she kinda used to it because she was working there for about a year/ so for her its not a big deal, but for me it is, and .... not only i just cant see myself there, or working there but that social anxiety, or whetever the f***, when you move to a place where your native language is not spoken ...different viewpoints, different landscape, different people..... I I can not handle that. But if I would DARe to tell to her, I am afraid so that this would put a "barrier" between us, so that she might think that i dont love her enough to support her in this goal, and so that I am still a phony for not making serious decision .... Again that just my opinion... If i tell her this concerns of mine, what d happen? I fear losing her.... and that fear poison my daily life .... worst thing is whenever the topic is up i have to pretend everything is okay and good, but I fear terribly about this..... I just cant see myself working in north germany as I dont think i am capable of handling such a sudden change of lifestyle. But on the other hand I think she could easily be a part of my future. As we really into each other and she has mature viewpoint of the future of our future. GOD.... I better jump off a cliff |
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| * Mitas | Jun 13 2016, 01:04 PM Post #6 |
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption
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You have to tell her. It's a relationship, you're supposed to talk about big life decisions together. |
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time." "Next time?" "Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is." | |
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Jun 13 2016, 02:01 PM Post #7 |
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Isn't this the girl you've only been dating for like two months? Hell no. Don't move to another country for someone you're just now starting to fall for. That's the dumbest decision you could ever make. I also feel like you obsess too much over relationships. Learn to be happy on your own and don't just throw everything about yourself away for someone you barely know. |
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| + Pointer | Jun 13 2016, 06:36 PM Post #8 |
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pardon me if i think she worth the effort. Besides if i stay and she stays I would feel utterly bad so that she stayed because of me
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| + QueenTD | Jun 13 2016, 07:17 PM Post #9 |
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My Dear Melancholy,
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Y'all should break it off honestly. Fish in the sea and y'all still a fairly new couple of 60 days. It seems like you're more in the moment than "logical". Kinda like how middle school relations believe they'll be married. But if you really thought this through 100%. Dead Emmeth's post as,if it's law. But keep it mind. Is this REALLY what you want or desire? Or are you desperate for love and affection and simply doing this cause of your (to be blunt) loving dick over what's realistic. IMO...you shouldn't do it. But follow Emmeth advice |
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| SpeedoTrunks | Jun 14 2016, 04:44 PM Post #10 |
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Its down to you dude. If you have doubts, tell her, but make it clear not to stay just because you want to stay. For whats its worth, I did a similar thing with my then girlfriend. we moved to another town, where we knew nobody and stayed for some time. Eventually we moved back home as we both saw it wasn't for us. Your potential move is much bigger, but you can always move back. at the end of the day, it'd suck if you break up for sure, but you'd want whats best for her as well, so if that's how it has to be and you both agree on it, take it on the chin and move on. |
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| + Pointer | Jun 15 2016, 03:22 PM Post #11 |
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so its somehow decided, so that she ll start working there in october, i will start working here and After a couple of months I will follow her, since the company where I will most likely work has a mother company in germany and maybe it s be easier to move abroad like that. And working abroad, would mean much more experience, not to mention germany is a cool country. And maybe after a few years we d go back to hungary I guess with experience like that i will have no problem to find a job in Hungary
Edited by Pointer, Jun 15 2016, 03:23 PM.
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| Jestwinged | Jun 19 2016, 05:27 PM Post #12 |
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It doesn't all quite work like that mate... |
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| + Pointer | Jun 19 2016, 05:30 PM Post #13 |
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If Arnold become a governor of cali and one of the most famous bodybuilders, and actors from a little Austrian town I guess I can manage my goals too Edited by Pointer, Jun 19 2016, 05:31 PM.
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| SpeedoTrunks | Jun 21 2016, 02:43 PM Post #14 |
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I think what they are trying to say is that it would be better if you have all this stuff lined up before you get there, otherwise you'll have no home/job and end up going back to your parents house very quickly. |
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I guess with experience like that i will have no problem to find a job in Hungary


4:27 PM Jul 13