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Dragon Ball K by SSbardock84
Topic Started: Feb 14 2016, 10:11 PM (1,348 Views)
+ Son-Goku
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孫悟空

"Dragon Ball K," by SSbardock84. The story is Kakarot arriving on Earth like the original story. However this time Kakarot does not fall into the ravine and lose his memory. This will change the entire fate of the Earth, the Universe, and of course Kakarot himself. What exactly will happen to Kakarot? Will he kill every human on the planet in cold blood or will he be the hero Goku. You'll just have to find out and see.

Chapter 1: Kakarot
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Chapter 2: Master Roshi and Oolong
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Chapter 3: Yamcha the Desert Bandit
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Chapter 4: The Ox-King
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Chapter 5: Arise Shenron!
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Chapter 6: Korin Tower
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Chapter 7: The Sacred Water and Mercenary Tao
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Chapter 8: Human Extinction
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Chapter 9: The Final Battle
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Chapter 10: Stranded
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Chapter 11: Brothers Reunited
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Chapter 12: Immortal Saiyans
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Chapter 13: Saiyans vs Frieza's Elite
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Chapter 14: Vegeta’s Plan
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Chapter 15: The Ginyu Force
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Chapter 16: Vegeta is Ginyu, Ginyu is Vegeta
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Chapter 17: Nappa and Raditz vs Frieza
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Chapter 18: Kakarot vs Frieza
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Chapter 19: Vegeta vs Frieza
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Chapter 20: Super Saiyan Vegeta
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Chapters 1-10 Powers Levels
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Chapters 11-20 Power Levels
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Edited by Son-Goku, Mar 1 2016, 03:21 AM.
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I just read through the first ten chapters. I'll tell you the good the bad and the ugly.

The good: it has entertainment value, at least potentially. It's also interesting seeing your version of something DBM covered already.

The bad: It looks like an outline. A rushed one at that. Needs a lot more detail. You should explain how Kakarot goes about hearing these rumors, and write out the fights in detail.

The ugly: You tried too hard to make it line up with the original story. This causes a lot of problems. For example, Korin pointing out the good in Kakarot. How is he oblivious to his hostile nature? Also, how does Kakarot ride the nimbus? Killing for sport is NOT having a pure heart. Lastly, what is up with that fusion? At least give an explanation.
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Magma Crater
Feb 15 2016, 02:45 AM
I just read through the first ten chapters. I'll tell you the good the bad and the ugly.

The good: it has entertainment value, at least potentially. It's also interesting seeing your version of something DBM covered already.

The bad: It looks like an outline. A rushed one at that. Needs a lot more detail. You should explain how Kakarot goes about hearing these rumors, and write out the fights in detail.

The ugly: You tried too hard to make it line up with the original story. This causes a lot of problems. For example, Korin pointing out the good in Kakarot. How is he oblivious to his hostile nature? Also, how does Kakarot ride the nimbus? Killing for sport is NOT having a pure heart. Lastly, what is up with that fusion? At least give an explanation.
Thanks for all your advice and tips. Yeah I think I will go over through it again. The nimbus cloud is supposed to be the Dark Nimbus that Tao rides in the anime. So for that cloud you don't have to have a pure heart. I probably should've explained more of that too. Yeah the fusion wasn't really explained either. Thanks for all your advice!
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Glad to help out an aspiring writer :) hope I didn't come off as too harsh.

Oh, the Dark Nimbus. I forgot about that.

This story has potential though, just consider this a very rough draft ;)
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Magma Crater
Feb 15 2016, 02:52 AM
Glad to help out an aspiring writer :) hope I didn't come off as too harsh.

Oh, the Dark Nimbus. I forgot about that.

This story has potential though, just consider this a very rough draft ;)
Nah you were fine, I appreciate it and yeah it sure is ik it has a lot of work. Thanks :D
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Oh and one more thing, don't forget that if Kami is dead the Dragon Balls are no more. But hey, that could be cause of more drama since this is a darker story.
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Magma Crater
Feb 15 2016, 02:57 AM
Oh and one more thing, don't forget that if Kami is dead the Dragon Balls are no more. But hey, that could be cause of more drama since this is a darker story.
Ik. I don't want to spoil anything but there is a reason the Dragon Balls are still there.
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Ah, sounds interesting. Do your thing, you know what you're doing.
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Chapters 1-5 "first" edit through is complete if anyone wants to read through them.
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The first 10 chapters for the first edits are complete.
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Okay my OP was too long and was over the maximum so I just took out everything that was rough draft and will be adding stuff as I get it edited. I will have to make a separate other post once I reach the maximum again. Darn I wanted to keep everything to one post. 5 more chapters have been edited if anyone wants to check them out.
Edited by Son-Goku, Feb 25 2016, 03:25 AM.
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Chapter 16: "Vegeta is Ginyu, Ginyu is Vegeta" is now up if you guys want to check it out.

Chapter 17: "Nappa and Raditz vs Frieza" is now up.

Chapter 18: "Kakarot vs Frieza" is now up.

Chapter 19: "Vegeta vs Frieza" is now up.

Chapter 20: "Super Saiyan Vegeta" is now up.
Edited by Son-Goku, Feb 26 2016, 03:24 AM.
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Chapter 21: The Four Remaining Earthlings
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Chapter 22: Super Saiyan Kakarot
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Chapter 23: Mortal Saiyans?
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Chapter 24: Revenge
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Chapter 25: Super Saiyans Raditz and Nappa
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Chapter 26: Super Saiyan Vegeta vs Cooler
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Chapter 27: The Turles Crusher Corps.
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Chapter 28: Four-Billion
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Chapter 29: Super Saiyan Turles
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Chapter 30: Everyone’s Energy
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Chapter 31: The Tournament Begins
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Chapter 32: Majin Buu?
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Chapter 33: Follow Yamui!
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Chapter 34: Dabura’s Power
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Chapter 35: Pui Pui and Yakon
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Chapter 36: Raditz vs Sagear
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Chapter 37: Majin Vegeta
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Chapter 38: Vegeta vs Kakarot
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Chapter 39: Majin Buu
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Chapter 40: Fusion Hope
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Chapters 21-30 Power Levels
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Chapters 31-40 Power Levels
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Edited by Son-Goku, Mar 1 2016, 03:24 AM.
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Chapters 26-30 posted.
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Chapters 31-35 are now up.
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