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| Empty compliments and brutal honesty | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 2 2016, 05:43 PM (297 Views) | |
| * Mitas | Feb 2 2016, 05:43 PM Post #1 |
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption
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The other day I mentioned to someone that I felt like I needed to lose weight. They said something along the lines of "don't be silly, you're not overweight". Now, I'm not enormous by any means, but I am overweight. It just got me thinking about telling people how it really is in order to help them. The fact that that person basically lied sort of makes makes any future compliment they pay me worthless because they've already proven unreliable in that department. Plus, I disregarded it, but maybe someone else would think "oh, I'm not" and then put on even more weight and possibly be detrimental to their health But then I realised that I've done something similar: lately (well, over the past year or two) I've noticed my friend's breath really smells, on some occasions it's genuinely unpleasant to have a conversation where you're close enough to smell it, but I haven't said anything about it. If he doesn't realise and nobody tells him, he'll just go by oblivious to it. On the flip side, it could be a dental issue that he can't help and he may be sensitive about it. So yeah, what's everyone's personal views on this matter? Should you be brutally honest with people to help them? Are there certain times when it is more acceptable i.e. is it fine if they're asking for an opinion or talking about it, but rude if you bring it up yourself? |
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time." "Next time?" "Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is." | |
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| + Clearin | Feb 2 2016, 05:47 PM Post #2 |
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If someone asks me for my opinion on something I'd tell them the truth. I generally don't say anything negative if they don't ask. In a case like that, it can be a bit tricky, since agreeing with your decision to lose weight is basically the same as them saying "Yeah you are fat", which a lot of people just won't want to do whether it's true or not because they feel bad about saying things perceived as mean. |
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| Dankness Lava | Feb 2 2016, 05:48 PM Post #3 |
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Dankness Forever
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As far as I'm concerned, if they ask, one should answer with honesty. Though I'd be lying if I said I always do. But if asked enough I'll probably be more honest no matter the question. |
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| Copy_Ninja | Feb 2 2016, 05:58 PM Post #4 |
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Novacane for the pain
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I feel like people who say they're brutally honest tend to be play up the brutal side quite a bit. Like most things, there's a spectrum. Some things are appropriate to say and some things aren't and it's going to depend on a lot of factors. -How serious is the thing you have to say? Saying someone is dangerously overweight vs someone who maybe needs to lose a few pounds to piggyback off your example. - Is it something that the person is already aware of or do they seem oblivious? If someone is probably aware of a problem, there's kind of less of a reason for you to bring it up. -What's the context? Giving an unsolicited opinion and being asked what you think about something raises different boundaries. -And, of course, how well you know the person? You can say things to a person you're close to when compared to a more casual acquaintance. Also I don't think you should disregard future compliments based off that either. I mean, people have varying perceptions of weight and things, they might genuinely think you don't need to lose weight. Or they were trying to save your feelings after you brought it up. Compliments are a little different as generally the person says it of their own accord. |
We'll never be those kids again
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| + Pelador | Feb 2 2016, 06:00 PM Post #5 |
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Crazy Awesome Legend
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I think you should always be honest with people, especially if they are your friends. You don't have to tell them they are fat or their breath stinks. You can use some tact. "Hey mate, I've noticed you're breath's been quite bad recently, might want to get it checked out." "Do I look fat to you?" "I think you might have put on a little bit of weight yeah." That's what I do and I have hundreds of friends. |
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