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How do you cope with emotional pain, depression, or anxiety?
Topic Started: Jan 29 2016, 02:46 AM (623 Views)
Doggo Champion 2k17
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There are many methods for coping with heartbreak, grief, depression, anxiety, etc. but what do you think is the most effective coping method? Obviously this varies from person to person, but I think it would be an interesting discussion, mostly because I feel like in today's society we are told how to cope with things and are expected to grieve in specific ways. An example of what I mean by this: we are often told to express our emotions and allow ourselves to feel them because keeping our emotions inside is "bad," but it is not a fact that this method works for everyone.

My personal example: I am a person who feels things very deeply. I'm a thinker and an intellectual. I think we can all agree that the majority of us fall into this category, or we wouldn't be writers, artists, and creators who debate controversial topics on the internet. The first time I dealt with heartbreak, I took the age old "let yourself feel everything and express your emotions" method. That almost killed me. Granted, I became somewhat of a tortured genius, but when I allowed myself to think and feel my pain deeply every single night, I found myself at an all-time low. I was depressed, began suffering from anxiety attacks, and frequently thought about death and suicide. Probably because I was allowing myself to get too swept up into my anxiety-filled thoughts. I also became a bit of an alcoholic because at times my thoughts would get so bad, I would need to get drunk in order to stop thinking and save myself from doing something stupid.

I'm going through something similar now. Another heartbreak, this time much worse than the first one, but I'm coping with it in a different way, and that's working for me. I distract myself constantly, whether it be with work, school, video games, or friends, and I don't allow myself to dwell on the "what if's." When my creative mind starts to wander, I banish those thoughts from my brain and start doing something--anything--to keep my thoughts in check. Because I know that thoughts are dangerous for me since I suffer from mild anxiety. When I feel a panic setting in, I take deep breaths to calm myself and immediately find a distraction. I'm getting much better at banishing thoughts and emotions.

Some of my friends are telling me this is bad, that this is the "wrong" way to cope with pain, that keeping my emotions inside will end up making matters worse, but so far I haven't had a single suicidal thought. I've barely cried. I'm fully functional. And I've only had one alcoholic beverage so far this year. I'm proud of how I'm currently coping.


My question is, how do you guys cope with pain? Do you believe that there is a "right" way to deal with depression, anxiety, etc.? or do you have the same opinion as myself, that coping methods are purely personal and situational?
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+ Pyrus
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-delete please-
Edited by Pyrus, Jan 29 2016, 05:17 PM.
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+ Pelador
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Like you said, it depends on each person. My strategy is to do activities that take my mind off the matter. Things where I won't be given too much time to sit and think. Otherwise I dwell on it and dwell on it and then it just makes me feel worse. Books, films, games, socialising, ect. But not music. I find that listening to music heightens my emotional state more, which is the last thing I want.


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Dankness Lava
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Dankness Forever

I ask a certain someone for assistance with any pain/trauma and it is usually given to me.
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I think most of us try to stay busy to keep our mind busy. This is the reason I have sound around me constantly, because it's better than the alternative.
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Darker
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I'm a huge manly wimp. I usually wait for all the suffering to go away, I don't try to fight it or solve it, it might get worse.
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* Mitas
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I definitely think there is some credence to the idea that keeping emotions bottled up is a bad thing. Ignoring negative emotions, not dealing with the events that triggered them, it usually ends up rearing it's head later in life. That could be a year later, or it could be 10 years later, but it usually comes back to bite you at some point. However, I think there's a difference between letting yourself feel emotions and letting your emotions overrun you. It sounds like you experienced the latter. There's a big difference between feeling sad and thinking "my life is over" and feeling sad and thinking "ok, I feel sad, but life goes on". You don't have to give your life over to your emotions in order to feel them. Now, toeing that line between feeling emotions without letting them overrun you is a tough task, but that's why so many people struggle with it. Experience helps though. With each tough patch of life you learn new things about how you cope. It sounds like first time around you let your emotions overrun you and it led you to a dark place, so this time around you realised that. Maybe next time you'll think "I might have ignored things too much last time" and adjust it again. Or maybe you've found the right recipe and you won't have a 'next time' (I certainly hope there isn't one).

I think distraction techniques are an integral part of coping with negative emotions (although distraction isn't equal to ignorance). Acknowledging emotions is important, but like I said (and like you mentioned), sometimes they can become too intense and drag you into less helpful coping mechanisms (alcohol, drugs, self-harm etc). In those times it's important to have things on hand to keep yourself busy. Hobbies, friends, exercise etc.

For me, the acknowledging part comes with talking, something I feel is the most important part. It doesn't have to be with a therapist (although they're obviously more qualified to help); even just having a friend or family member to talk things out with is a massive help. If you keep things in your own head then you're only getting one point of view, and if you're depressed, then that point of view is going to be skewed in one direction. Having a second voice can help you wade through the depressive s*** and realise things you otherwise wouldn't have, things that will help you move on into more positive pastures.

Personally, I still struggle at coping with negative emotions. I certainly deal with them a lot more effectively than I have in the past, but there are still a lot of areas that I'd like to improve in.
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Professor Gohan
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I use music to "think-out" negative situations I'm suffering from. Certain songs constantly remind me what I'm going through, and sometimes I draw out metaphorical situations in my head, which help with a lot of the "coping."

Wrestling, lifting, and late-night runs (especially) clear my mind of negative situations.

Visiting the forum and writing serve as distractions too.

Most of the time, I write about what I'm going through in life, so there are times when writing actually causes me to "think-out" everything, instead of distracting me.
Edited by Professor Gohan, Jan 29 2016, 08:12 PM.
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TrunksinSwimmingTrunks
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Formerly known as daman

Accept what has gone on and see that the past you can't change, only the future you can and you can learn from the past. The experiences and emotions don't need to be forgotten, they just both need to be memories. The experience was in the past, the emotions should join it. For me moving negative emotions so they're only a thing of the past can best be done through talking, especially to people with similar experiences who have come out the other side successfully or are just willing to not brush it under the carpet and even reading or watching things related to whatever experiences I've had.
So I guess you could say I don't advocate dwelling on it, but also not just ignoring it completely from the get go. I'd say the only distractions that someone should seek are them building a better tomorrow and ones that get their mind back on track or relax them so that their troubles don't cause them to waste new chances due to daydreaming about the past.
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Know'm Sayin'
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Jan 29 2016, 02:46 AM
There are many methods for coping with heartbreak, grief, depression, anxiety, etc. but what do you think is the most effective coping method? Obviously this varies from person to person, but I think it would be an interesting discussion, mostly because I feel like in today's society we are told how to cope with things and are expected to grieve in specific ways. An example of what I mean by this: we are often told to express our emotions and allow ourselves to feel them because keeping our emotions inside is "bad," but it is not a fact that this method works for everyone.

My personal example: I am a person who feels things very deeply. I'm a thinker and an intellectual. I think we can all agree that the majority of us fall into this category, or we wouldn't be writers, artists, and creators who debate controversial topics on the internet. The first time I dealt with heartbreak, I took the age old "let yourself feel everything and express your emotions" method. That almost killed me. Granted, I became somewhat of a tortured genius, but when I allowed myself to think and feel my pain deeply every single night, I found myself at an all-time low. I was depressed, began suffering from anxiety attacks, and frequently thought about death and suicide. Probably because I was allowing myself to get too swept up into my anxiety-filled thoughts. I also became a bit of an alcoholic because at times my thoughts would get so bad, I would need to get drunk in order to stop thinking and save myself from doing something stupid.

I'm going through something similar now. Another heartbreak, this time much worse than the first one, but I'm coping with it in a different way, and that's working for me. I distract myself constantly, whether it be with work, school, video games, or friends, and I don't allow myself to dwell on the "what if's." When my creative mind starts to wander, I banish those thoughts from my brain and start doing something--anything--to keep my thoughts in check. Because I know that thoughts are dangerous for me since I suffer from mild anxiety. When I feel a panic setting in, I take deep breaths to calm myself and immediately find a distraction. I'm getting much better at banishing thoughts and emotions.

Some of my friends are telling me this is bad, that this is the "wrong" way to cope with pain, that keeping my emotions inside will end up making matters worse, but so far I haven't had a single suicidal thought. I've barely cried. I'm fully functional. And I've only had one alcoholic beverage so far this year. I'm proud of how I'm currently coping.


My question is, how do you guys cope with pain? Do you believe that there is a "right" way to deal with depression, anxiety, etc.? or do you have the same opinion as myself, that coping methods are purely personal and situational?
I went through a similar situation dealing with heartbreak, but all alcohol ever did was enhance my emotions ten fold. If I was feeling sad and I drank it would make me suicidal by the 6th shot of alcohol. Or if I was feeling apathetic about the situation and watched a comedy while drinking alcohol it would make me feel super happy and laugh a lot, but after I'd still feel empty and depressed. So I stopped drinking as a form of coping with my emotions.

What I do know is I convert that negative energy into something else. Whenever I feel slightly depressed I work on something whether its school work, or running a few miles either helps take my mind off the situation at hand.

Eventually as enough time passes, she'll just be an afterthought.

R.I.P. 3pac; ZERO HOOTS GANG
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