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Do people with a strong history of lying ever deserve the benefit of the doubt?
Topic Started: May 23 2015, 10:57 PM (403 Views)
* Mitas
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption

Background information: Someone in my family has a history of alcoholism, and therefore has a history of lying about that (but also lying about other things). A few days ago, they injured themselves falling down the stairs. My first thought was "just another drunken incident". Even though they've stated that they were sober and others have backed them up, I still don't believe they were sober. Thinking this way pains me, because it's not like I want to believe they were drunk, I just can't bring myself to believe they weren't.

This got me thinking: do people with a strong history of lying ever deserve the benefit of the doubt? Am I justified in not believing their story, and always trying to find holes in their story that point towards them lying? If I am justified, how long does that justification last? Assuming they do 'turn over a new leaf' and quit the lying, at what point in time does the problem change from their lying, to my not believing them no matter what?

That 2nd paragraph is a bit all over the place, but those are the questions going through my head. Hopefully you get the gist of it. What do you think?
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+ Pelador
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Crazy Awesome Legend

I lie about things all the time. Would you give me the benefit of the doubt?


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* Mitas
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption

I don't have a long, personal history of you lying to me though. Even if you have lied to me, I'm not actually aware of any of them.
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* Yu Narukami
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Izanagi!

I'm of the opinion that you should give the person the benefit of the doubt, but perhaps hold what they say under more scrutiny than you would with anyone else. Think about it from that individual's perspective. They've got a history of lying, but they're telling the truth in this instance. Imagine how difficult it must be for them, with everybody treating what they were saying about the subject as a lie; they'd be tempted to keep lying. Labelling theory, I think it is. You see them and treat them as a liar and act as though they're still suffering from that problem, they'll eventually go back to it in order to 'live up' to the label they've been given. I've probably butchered that theory horribly, apologies for that.

In the end, what effect would it have on you? If you give them the benefit of the doubt and it turns out that they're lying, what is it in the end? Just another lie to add to the list. Admittedly, it wouldn't be that pleasant, but I'm guessing that it wouldn't have a humongous impact on you. If you give them the benefit of the doubt and it turns out that they're telling the truth, then you can help them and you've shown them that you trust and support them. There's a lot to gain from giving them the benefit of the doubt, and not much to gain at all from not doing so.
Edited by Yu Narukami, May 24 2015, 12:48 PM.
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Darker
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It depends on the situation, but even if a very good friend of mine or someone from my family lied all their life and one day they were depending on the benefit of the doubt, I would give it to them.
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+ Green
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Flashy Thing!

More likely than not, I would not give the benefit of the doubt. Habitual liars lie to put themselves in a better position and if one has a long history of lying to me, I wouldn't trust them. That person would have to earn my trust again and that would take time.

Now if the issue regards life/death or significant life changes, I'll investigate a little and see if the issue is valid.
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+ Steve
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Greetings. I will be your waifu this season.

I don't know.

In answer to the topic question, depends on the situation and the type of lies.


But as for what you said, with that example I think it's best to not voice your doubt, there's no reason to believe they weren't drunk without proof and no reason to believe what they say.

The problem here is that they might be relying on you for...relief I guess, moment you turn them down and call them a liar, always a liar they're just going to get down and probably hit the bottle again because what's the point, nobody ever believes them anyway they're just a drunken mess.


Having been someone who thought that way, it's a slippery slope.

Being encouraged is always better, if you're already emotionally weak you're not likely to turn a new leaf rather than continue doing what you were doing, it really seems like there's no point since nobody will believe you therefore you won't have any emotional support and as said if you're already weak where do you get the strength for that? Quite rare indeed.

Anyway you can assume they're lying all you want but it would mean a lot to give them a glimmer of hope, someone might believe them so getting fixed up might be worth it after all.
The condescending look of "Uh huh, sure that's what happened" just makes it feel pointless to try and change.
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Cloud
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.

It's not about what they deserve. It's about what you already know about the person and how your brain associates information with them. You can't just stop knowing something about them until they've updated that information by being honest and making a real change in their life. Even then, it will be difficult for you to start thinking about them differently without you making big changes about yourself.
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Zeddicus
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This one's a bit tricky. From the perspective of the person being asked to trust someone, we're all too familiar with the feeling of being burned when you've believed something that you later found out to be a lie. It's embarrassing, and you feel like a fool because, hindsight being what it is, "it was so obvious, how did I not see that!?" You often end up feeling angrier with yourself than with the person who lied.

On the other hand, I can agree with Steve. If you cry wolf when a wolf actually shows up, and nobody believes you, you might have a hell of an uphill climb in getting someone to trust you and it's often easier to simply continue to lie. It's a vicious cycle, but not unwarranted.

So, yes, I suppose they -deserve- the benefit of the doubt, especially if the situation is a desperate one, but no one should be surprised when trust doesn't come easily. One high-stakes lie can be all it takes for someone to burn bridges for good.
Edited by Zeddicus, May 26 2015, 01:16 PM.
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