Is this fair?

Rotation Advertisements

We hope you enjoy your visit to this forum.

If you are reading this then it means you are currently browsing the forum as a guest, we don’t limit any of the content posted from guests however if you join, you will have the ability to join the discussions! We are always happy to see new faces at this forum and we would like to hear your opinion, so why not register now? It doesn’t take long and you can get posting right away.

Click here to Register!

If you are having difficulties validating your account please email us at admin@dbzf.co.uk

If you're already a member please log in to your account:

Is this fair?
Tweet Topic Started: Apr 23 2015, 05:20 AM (700 Views)
~~Doggo Champion 2k17~~	Apr 23 2015, 05:20 AM Post #1
Posts: 7,931 Group: GTFO Member #6,380 Joined: June 20, 2011 Country United States Favourite Anime here comes What Browser do you use? o shit waddup! Favourite Manga dat boi	I haven't posted anything personal here in a long time, but I'm really at a loss right now. My girlfriend and I were having some trouble communicating last night. She was shutting down and being moody, and I was getting extremely frustrated. I'd already been super stressed out about finals week at my university, so my emotions were boiling. When she's stressed and moody, she plucks at her eyebrows and arm hair. It was annoying me, so I kept telling her to quit, and when I was finally fed up with it I said something along the lines of, "Just pluck my freaking arm hair then." She did, and she plucked about five hairs at time, which really freaking hurt, so I hit her on the arm. Admittedly, I hit her a little harder than I should have, and it was done out of anger, so I instantly regretted it and apologized. After that she wouldn't really open up to me. I asked her to talk to me and tell me what was wrong and she wouldn't. She refused to communicate. We got past it, though, and everything was fine for the rest of the night. We were smiling and laughing like always. This morning, after we had already been chatting like normal for a few hours, she texted me "If you ever hit me again, we are over. That is not okay, and you know better than that." It turned into an argument because no matter how many times I apologized and tried to explain to her where I was coming from, she was only seeing me as some abusive monster. Now she claims she "needs space," and that "I shouldn't touch her" for a while until time heals what has happened between us. The thing is, I think she's over-exaggerating and looking for attention. I'll admit that I shouldn't have hit her; however, I hit her on the arm. I'm not fabricating the truth when I say that what I did doesn't deserve the emotional torture she's directing at me. I didn't injure her. There was no malicious intent there. And despite all of that, I've apologized repeatedly to the point of groveling. So what the heck is going on here? It's like I'm being shut out and tormented because of a simple mistake that I'm sure tons of people make in relationships. You fight, you get angry with your partner, and sometimes you do things you regret, like throwing or punching things, for example. If I had truly harmed her, I wouldn't even be posting this because there would be no question that what I did was wrong, but I really believe that what I did was a normal reaction given the situation. Let me know what you guys think. I'm really hurt over this. It's so stupid.



+ Ssj3vegito96	Apr 23 2015, 05:44 AM Post #2
Posts: 10,327 Group: Elite Member Member #10,438 Joined: November 2, 2013 Gender Male Country United States Favourite Anime Dragon ball/Z/GT/S, Fullmetal Alchemist:Brotherhood, One Punch Man Favourite Manga DB/Z/S	Sure it was a mistake to hit her a little harder than you should've but I mean you're going out of your way to help her when you're already stressed out. It's not like you meant to hurt her. It doesn't sound like it was that big of a deal. You guys laughed it off. I don't think it's fair for her to do this to you. Texting you that just makes things harder Edited by Ssj3vegito96, Apr 23 2015, 05:50 AM.
	IT'S CHEESE Spoiler: click to toggle Top 7 favorite dbz heroes: 1. Sometimes it goku sometimes it's vegeta 2. ^ 3. Teen gohan 4. Future trunks 5. Piccolo 6. Adult gohan 7. Bardock


~~Professor Gohan~~	Apr 23 2015, 05:48 AM Post #3
Posts: 0 Group: GTFO Member #6,938 Joined: November 2, 2011 Gender Not Specified Country Chile	No, it's not fair. It seems like a situation that if the tables were turned, and she was the one who hit you out of anger, based on the situation you explained, she wouldn't expect you to go as emotionally far as she did, or over-exaggerate so much that breaking up is brought into the equation. I'm sure she's mature and everything, but it sounds like the kid comes out of her when she's put into a shaky situation. I think she should learn how to handle and view matters more like you do. It sounds like she's not exactly seeing everything. It's stupid, indeed, but I'm sure most of us have been through it one way or another. Edited by Professor Gohan, Apr 23 2015, 01:17 PM.



+ Pyrus	Apr 23 2015, 05:53 AM Post #4
Posts: 39,342 Group: Legend Member #5,088 Joined: August 1, 2010 Gender Not Specified Country Chile	Unless she was abused in a previous relationship to the point of medical attention being necessary, this is a fickle issue that deserves no more of your attention. Let the baby pout.
	Spoiler: click to toggle


lucrowe	Apr 23 2015, 07:21 AM Post #5
Posts: 1,149 Group: Member Member #11,578 Joined: August 5, 2014 Gender Male Favourite Anime Gantz What Browser do you use? Chrome Favourite Manga Not much of a fan..	I don't think she's over reacting at all. Sorry but you just don't hit your partner in anger (at all even)! How does she know it won't happen again? I'm sure she thought it wouldn't happen at all until it happened. You gotta think about these things. It doesn't matter if it hurt or not, you reacted out of anger and you should have known better. Not saying she's entirely innocent in how things have gone down, she should know better than to pluck so many hairs that it hurts, but at the end of the day two wrongs don't make a right. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, I know you already feel bad about what happened and I'm sure if you could turn back the clock you would think twice but at the end of the day you have done the wrong thing and reality is a b***! But, what's done is done. You've apologized, all you can do now is wait until she comes around. I hope things work out for you two. Goodluck!
	"I'm not in it for the money, I'm rapping to be relevant, Spittin' for the hell of it to get me in my element and stomp whack rappers like an elephant... I'm the celebrant delegate spittin' elegant benevolence" - Lucrowe MC. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lucrowe-MC/661247567303948?ref=bookmarks Str8 Outta Namek, A Crazy Mutha Fka Named Lucrowe


* Mitas	Apr 23 2015, 08:09 AM Post #6
It truly was a Shawshank redemption Posts: 12,129 Group: Retired Staff Member #2,993 Joined: December 16, 2007 Gender Male Favourite Anime DBZ What Browser do you use? Google Chrome Favourite Manga DBZ, Full Metal Alchemist	Firstly, we have no way of knowing how hard you hit her (and really, neither do you when it comes to how much pain there was, sometimes we can undersell how hard we hit someone "oh, it wasn't that hard" etc), and that has a big impact on whether her reaction was warranted. If it was a soft-ish hit then it's clearly not intended to be malicious. If it was harder, those intentions start to become a little more malicious e.g. you wanted to hurt her. But again, we don't know, so it's not an area we can advise on. However, what I do take from the situation is this: your girlfriend was going through a tough time and was taking part in one of her 'survival methods' i.e. things you do to withstand emotional turmoil. Some people develop unhealthy techniques of doing so and it sounds like your girlfriend is one of these people (self-harming, however tiny it may seem, to deal with the emotional turmoil). However unhealthy this is, it's become a necessary part of how she deals with things. You interfered with that method, however good your intentions were. Not only did you interfere with the method, you then proceeded to hit her, making her feel even worse. So her reaction, while a little immature, is understandable and warranted. In my opinion, you need to apologise. If you have a problem with your girlfriend's survival techniques (which is a valid concern, but only if it's for her welfare, not just because it 'annoys you') then it is a delicate area to deal with and more care needs to be taken, more patience. It's not something that can just be changed on a whim because it's something that she's probably been doing for many, many years, and it probably works.
	"Then you've got the chance to do better next time." "Next time?" "Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is."


Rockman	Apr 23 2015, 08:26 AM Post #7
hoighty-toighty Posts: 11,070 Group: Guardian Member #48 Joined: December 17, 2004 Gender Male Country United States What Browser do you use? Firefox, when it isn't crashing.	Mitas Apr 23 2015, 08:09 AM However, what I do take from the situation is this: your girlfriend was going through a tough time and was taking part in one of her 'survival methods' i.e. things you do to withstand emotional turmoil. Some people develop unhealthy techniques of doing so and it sounds like your girlfriend is one of these people (self-harming, however tiny it may seem, to deal with the emotional turmoil). However unhealthy this is, it's become a necessary part of how she deals with things. You interfered with that method, however good your intentions were. Not only did you interfere with the method, you then proceeded to hit her, making her feel even worse. So her reaction, while a little immature, is understandable and warranted. In my opinion, you need to apologise. If you have a problem with your girlfriend's survival techniques (which is a valid concern, but only if it's for her welfare, not just because it 'annoys you') then it is a delicate area to deal with and more care needs to be taken, more patience. It's not something that can just be changed on a whim because it's something that she's probably been doing for many, many years, and it probably works. This. On top of an apology, I suggest not prying any further and letting her know that you're there for her when she needs to open up about what was bothering her. Mental health is not to be taken lightly. She needs your full support even if that means doing nothing. What you should do next time is to just stop what you're doing and hold her for an extended period of time. Say nothing. There is no final exam in the world more important than the mental state of your partner. Edited by Rockman, Apr 23 2015, 08:26 AM.
	JAke is a copyright of Spazo and Pickle Flavored Fudge Pops inc.


Darker	Apr 23 2015, 01:02 PM Post #8
The Lord of the Dark Posts: 15,358 Group: Member Member #11,968 Joined: January 7, 2015 Gender Male Country Spain	It's not fair in the least. This girlfriend of yours should try to understand your feelings more. I feel like she didn't even try to accept the fact that it was more like an accident than a demonstration of abuse and agression. I agree, it's stupid, but I'm sure she'll get over it.
	Piccolo: Just how many people have you sacrificed?! Cell: Sacrifice? Hmph, rubbish! On the contrary, it is an honor to become a fraction of my power.


~~Doggo Champion 2k17~~	Apr 23 2015, 01:30 PM Post #9
Posts: 7,931 Group: GTFO Member #6,380 Joined: June 20, 2011 Country United States Favourite Anime here comes What Browser do you use? o shit waddup! Favourite Manga dat boi	Thanks for the responses guys. I've already apologized as much as I really can, so we'll see how things go today. As for her plucking hairs, it's just a stressed tick she does. She also does it when she's bored. I agree that it's something she shouldn't be doing. We've worked on trying to get her to stop, so now she plucks her arm hairs more than her eyebrows. Hopefully she'll stop doing it altogether. She's stressed sometimes, but she doesn't have depression or anxiety. If anything, she has some anger issues herself. Usually I'm really good about being there for her. I guess all the stress I was already feeling and her shutting me out just pushed me over the edge.



Buuberries	Apr 23 2015, 01:32 PM Post #10
No Posts: 7,150 Group: Members Member #8,753 Joined: December 30, 2012 Gender Not Specified Country None Favourite Anime The Passion of Christ What Browser do you use? Christianity Favourite Manga The Bible	it isn't fair but i guess ultimately it doesn't matter and you guys should talk about it together and find common grounds regarding the situation and try to resolve the issue that way, instead of trying to prove to each other who's right/who was more hurt/blahdeblahdeblah. from the things you've said though it sounds like you communicate pretty well with her, so i'm sure it'll be okay after she has time to cool off.
	¯\(°_o)/¯


~~Doggo Champion 2k17~~	Apr 23 2015, 02:00 PM Post #11
Posts: 7,931 Group: GTFO Member #6,380 Joined: June 20, 2011 Country United States Favourite Anime here comes What Browser do you use? o shit waddup! Favourite Manga dat boi	Yeah, we communicate well until one of us shuts down, which is frustrating. Obviously I was upset that she initially told me this over text, but we spent some time together last night and talked about it a bit. I'll probably see her again today after work, so I'll keep you guys updated in case you care.



Zoom	Apr 24 2015, 12:20 AM Post #12
Posts: 3,426 Group: Member Member #12,146 Joined: March 16, 2015 Gender Male	I've seen pictures of couples, especially men abusing their wives and let me tell you its not pretty, so in this situation i can see there are no excuses for men to hit their wives or back hand their wives. The law reflects the change in society where now we are not ok with violence. But that's where i draw the line, the problem today is i think people are too sensitive to abuse. They hear the word abuse and automatically they think the other person is a horrible person.



+ Pyrus	Apr 24 2015, 12:33 AM Post #13
Posts: 39,342 Group: Legend Member #5,088 Joined: August 1, 2010 Gender Not Specified Country Chile	hellobooboo Apr 24 2015, 12:20 AM I've seen pictures of couples, especially men abusing their wives and let me tell you its not pretty, so in this situation i can see there are no excuses for men to hit their wives or back hand their wives. The law reflects the change in society where now we are not ok with violence. But that's where i draw the line, the problem today is i think people are too sensitive to abuse. They hear the word abuse and automatically they think the other person is a horrible person. If she wants a fight and is a willing participant, I don't see why her man can't hit back. It's not as if she's a defenseless shrew. Edited by Pyrus, Apr 24 2015, 12:34 AM.
	Spoiler: click to toggle


0 users reading this topic

Our users say it best: "A great way to make a forums for free and it is very reliable as well. Thank you Zetaboards." Learn More · Register Now
« Previous Topic · General Discussion · Next Topic »