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Maturity in relationships
Topic Started: Apr 10 2015, 02:54 AM (857 Views)
+ Solid Snake
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滅Are you frightened?

ObsessiveFanGirl brought up a good point in my other topic about age acceptable for dating.

So I'm wondering, what do you expect from a mature but younger mate or significant other?
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+ Pelador
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Crazy Awesome Legend

I actually prefer women who are immature. Mature women tend to be quite strong and as a weak man I find that intimidating.


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+ Pyrus
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I expect honesty, respect, acceptance, and responsibility.
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Arkadom
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Bargle nawdle zouss

I just expect loyalty. Maturity is an unnatural state that is assumed by those who attempt to reach a level of superiority, immaturity is the natural state of being in which all things are a wonder and life is a limited resource to be explored, lessons to be learned and so on. To claim to be mature is to claim all your lessons have been learned and all you life lived, and if so, why on Earth are you talking to me? Thou shalt return to the Heavens and govern the Earth, my lord.

Loyalty is natural, it's instinct, to stick with trustworthy and proven-reliable partners, all animals possess it and humans are still animals, therefore the only thing I think is necessary in at least the start of a relationship is loyalty. If you start a relationship you don't intend to work for and stick with then why bother in the first place?

Likewise, people that try and act mature often have very dull humour. I'd rather not be bored out of my mind with someone who talks about politics all day and rarely cracks a smile at anything beyond a very witty joke. Sometimes life is more enjoyable when you can relax and laugh about trivial and utterly ridiculous things, and I'd rather have a partner who burps and blames me than a partner who gets embarrassed about what I wear, what car I drive or what music I listen to just because it may not seem massively mature.

I'll enjoy what I want to enjoy, and a loyal partner will respect that, if not join in. Maturity in relationships is an immature concept in itself, just have the right attitude, be faithful, be loving and be fun, be interesting. There's nothing wrong with being in love with an overgrown child but being with a robot is just nasty.

And nobody here can vouch for maturity, we're on a forum built around space-faring muscle men that shoot colourful beams out of their hands, seek nothing less and nothing more than what you yourself have to offer :lol:

As for relationship maturity, that's obvious. As I said, just have the right attitude and don't take your partner for granted.
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Buuberries
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No

Quote:
 
I just expect loyalty. Maturity is an unnatural state that is assumed by those who attempt to reach a level of superiority, immaturity is the natural state of being in which all things are a wonder and life is a limited resource to be explored, lessons to be learned and so on. To claim to be mature is to claim all your lessons have been learned and all you life lived, and if so, why on Earth are you talking to me? Thou shalt return to the Heavens and govern the Earth, my lord.
I wouldn't define immaturity and maturity as that at all -- at least not in regards to people and growing up.

I'm 25 going on 26 and I feel like I haven't changed too much compared to my 18 to 20-year old self, but I look back on how I was back then and how I cope and deal with s*** now, and I realise I've definitely matured. The same goes with most of my old friends -- they seem like the same person, but also different because they've matured. When I'm in my 40s, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to look back on my 25-year old self and think what a naive little s*** I was.

If anything, knowing that you aren't superior and that there are always things to learn in life is a sign of maturity.

Quote:
 
Loyalty is natural, it's instinct, to stick with trustworthy and proven-reliable partners, all animals possess it and humans are still animals, therefore the only thing I think is necessary in at least the start of a relationship is loyalty. If you start a relationship you don't intend to work for and stick with then why bother in the first place?
Pretty sure the academic literature is split on whether humans are loyal or not in terms of relationships -- i.e., whether humans are naturally monogamous or not.

Quote:
 
And nobody here can vouch for maturity, we're on a forum built around space-faring muscle men that shoot colourful beams out of their hands, seek nothing less and nothing more than what you yourself have to offer :lol:
I know, right? No one here has a life outside of this forum; no one here deals with real life. We're all naive little kids.


tl;dr- lol
¯\(°_o)/¯
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+ Steve
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Greetings. I will be your waifu this season.

Loyalty is just a societal thing. Mating was never...consensual. It would happen whenever the males wanted.
As in a bunch of males would go for the same female for the best chance of pregnancy(obviously pregnancy wasn't on their mind)
Obviously we've grown out of that and look back on it as being f***ed up.


With me, I expect them to be understanding of the difficulties I have with mental illness.
So many people just look at me like "Lazy bum, you don't even have a job you clearly don't care about your life" without thinking maaaaybe there's a reason for that.

So I expect someone mature enough to not just instantly assume having no job means someones life will never go anywhere and/or that they don't want it to anyway.
Or that not having a job somehow makes someone a horrible worthless person.


What if I would just prefer being a househusband <_<
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Definitely not a succubus, fear not
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Buuberries
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No

Quote:
 
Mating was never...consensual. It would happen whenever the males wanted.
waht

sauce?

¯\(°_o)/¯
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Rockman
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hoighty-toighty

I need a girl with at least a career goal. Enough maturity to have a game plan. I dated a chick once that was in the town for college, but didn't plan on attending class that semester and wasn't sure about continuing.
I dropped her like a sniper. I couldn't understand why she was from another state in a college town not going to college and working at the mall. Had no ambitions.
And she smoked indoors. What a nasty habit.
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Zeddicus
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Buuberries
Apr 10 2015, 07:37 AM
Quote:
 
I just expect loyalty. Maturity is an unnatural state that is assumed by those who attempt to reach a level of superiority, immaturity is the natural state of being in which all things are a wonder and life is a limited resource to be explored, lessons to be learned and so on. To claim to be mature is to claim all your lessons have been learned and all you life lived, and if so, why on Earth are you talking to me? Thou shalt return to the Heavens and govern the Earth, my lord.
I wouldn't define immaturity and maturity as that at all -- at least not in regards to people and growing up.

I'm 25 going on 26 and I feel like I haven't changed too much compared to my 18 to 20-year old self, but I look back on how I was back then and how I cope and deal with s*** now, and I realise I've definitely matured. The same goes with most of my old friends -- they seem like the same person, but also different because they've matured. When I'm in my 40s, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to look back on my 25-year old self and think what a naive little s*** I was.

If anything, knowing that you aren't superior and that there are always things to learn in life is a sign of maturity.

Quote:
 
Loyalty is natural, it's instinct, to stick with trustworthy and proven-reliable partners, all animals possess it and humans are still animals, therefore the only thing I think is necessary in at least the start of a relationship is loyalty. If you start a relationship you don't intend to work for and stick with then why bother in the first place?
Pretty sure the academic literature is split on whether humans are loyal or not in terms of relationships -- i.e., whether humans are naturally monogamous or not.

Quote:
 
And nobody here can vouch for maturity, we're on a forum built around space-faring muscle men that shoot colourful beams out of their hands, seek nothing less and nothing more than what you yourself have to offer :lol:
I know, right? No one here has a life outside of this forum; no one here deals with real life. We're all naive little kids.


tl;dr- lol
Since I don't know how to split quotes into parts and comment on each one, I'll just comment on your (Buu) paragraphs individually.

1. I don't think your view of maturity and Arkadom's disagree necessarily. He's saying that no one's completely mature, and you're saying that people are matur-ING. It seems to be the same thing, and I happen to agree with you both. No one has to be totally mature (or act like they are), but learning from life's little lessons is profoundly important in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. And speaking of romance...

2. I took Arka's definition of loyalty to apply to a general sense of bonding and comraderie, and not necessarily applying specifically to a committed, romantic relationship. I guess you can call the whole "are we monogamous by nature" thing into question, but I feel it's more up to the individuals involved. If you want monogamy, then that's what you look for. If not, great. Go with whatever works for you.

3. I feel like you're being deliberately difficult and mocking with your response to this one. He's clearly just making a joke about this hobby that we -all- share, no one's assuming that it's all we do - hopefully. You've gotta go with the intent of the poster, and I'm sure you know what he was trying to say.
Edited by Zeddicus, Apr 10 2015, 05:20 PM.
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Buuberries
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No

1. I didn't take any of his comments as that at all.I was actually thinking earlier that I was describing the process of maturing and was going to make some crappy comparison about how humans aren't like cheese or wine, but thought f*** it, so yes -- maybe.

"To claim to be mature is to claim all your lessons have been learned and all you life lived"

It's mainly that part with which I disagree.

2. Well, the thread is about relationships and significant others so maybe I was being presumptuous, but talking about loyalty in the context of relationships made sense.

3. Thanks, my sarcasm runs strongly in this place. Your feelings are so strong they're making me blush. Anyway, I've only ever seen him post super serious replies, so it wasn't clear to me if he was joking or not; I figured I might as well leave a comment since I disagreed with most of his post. gotta do what u gotta do, ukno
Edited by Buuberries, Apr 10 2015, 03:52 PM.
¯\(°_o)/¯
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Zeddicus
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Buuberries
Apr 10 2015, 03:33 PM
1. I didn't take any of his comments as that at all.I was actually thinking earlier that I was describing the process of maturing and was going to make some crappy comparison about how humans aren't like cheese or wine, but thought f*** it, so yes -- maybe.

"To claim to be mature is to claim all your lessons have been learned and all you life lived"

It's mainly that part with which I disagree.

2. Well, the thread is about relationships and significant others so maybe I was being presumptuous, but talking about loyalty in the context of relationships made sense.

3. Thanks, my sarcasm runs strongly in this place. Your feelings are so strong they're making me blush. Anyway, I've only ever seen him post super serious replies, so it wasn't clear to me if he was joking or not; I figured I might as well leave a comment since I disagreed with most of his post. gotta do what u gotta do, ukno
1. Given the way that we use "mature", I'd say that you're right and his definition isn't quite on the mark. But I do agree with the rest of his post, and that we shouldn't go out of our way to try be too adult-like. Of course there's a time and place, and so on...

2. Fair enough. Got no argument here.

3. I suppose I'm not that familiar with everyone's posting styles just yet (though I think I've got a few of the folks here down), so the incongruity (is that even a word?) between his normal style and his "joking" tone of that last point didn't strike me as particularly odd. I'll defer to your experience on that one, and say that we indeed gotta do what we gotta do.

Peace out, Mr. Buuberries.
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Buuberries
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No

I'd just woken up at that time, so my post probably sounded a bit more hostile than I meant it to be.
¯\(°_o)/¯
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Doggo Champion 2k17
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I think I mentioned in the other thread that I'm almost 21, and my girlfriend is only 19. We're mature in different ways. I'm extremely immature when it comes to matters of responsibility and work ethic. I'm lazy, I don't want to do anything except for the things I enjoy, I'm scared of being alone. I know that all of that will change with time. Once I'm out of college and struggling to pay bills, I can't imagine being like that anymore. My girlfriend, on the other hand, has been dealing with that for over a year now. She was kicked out of her house by her parents and has to pay all of her own bills, work hard, and actually get s*** done. She's a great cook as well, which is a plus, and she motivates me in everything that I do.

On the other hand, I'm more mature when it comes to relationships. I've been in more of them, I've dealt with the good, the bad, and the ugly, and I know what makes a relationship work and what doesn't. She's still learning that, so she sometimes doesn't know how to handle fights, personal time and space, and so on. She needs someone to be an emotional support for her. Since she's dealt with so much in her life, she has a lot of stress and anger that I help her with. I'm a calm person, so it works out well. I need someone mature enough to keep me in line, otherwise I would be a goofy mess. We balance each other out in a lot of ways. I think you definitely need that in a relationship.

Maturity is important in a committed, long-term relationship, but definitions of maturity will vary from one person to the next. No one is completely mature, but we're all mature in different aspects.
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Buuberries
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No

Ninjaneer
Apr 10 2015, 09:40 AM
I need a girl with at least a career goal. Enough maturity to have a game plan. I dated a chick once that was in the town for college, but didn't plan on attending class that semester and wasn't sure about continuing.
I dropped her like a sniper. I couldn't understand why she was from another state in a college town not going to college and working at the mall. Had no ambitions.
And she smoked indoors. What a nasty habit.
missed this post. completely agree. i don't care if the person works a menial job as long as they have the ambition to achieve bigger things and are working towards it. i guess it's a trait that transfers into other aspects of one's life. self-improvement and all that jazz
¯\(°_o)/¯
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Krystal
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Cooking Mama

I expect honesty, loyalty, compassion, challenge, self-sufficiency and kindness. Sort of the same thing I expect from the older party, actually.
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