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| Wanting Friends and Not Wanting Friends Simultaneously | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 12 2014, 12:21 AM (726 Views) | |
| SuperSaiyan1993 | Sep 12 2014, 12:21 AM Post #1 |
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Super Saiyan among Super Saiyans
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For a long while recently, I have had the cognitive dissonance of wanting several friendships and not wanting them at the same time. I am generally introverted. So, it is not that I am shy. It is that I am more inclined to want to do things alone or with just a few people. Between college work and my introverted nature, I generally don't care for starting many friendships because I don't want to waste time with people who may end up to be annoying, traitorous, or some combination of the two. I am rather selective about the people whom I befriend. Lately though, this weird alteration between craving more friends and then not is killing me. Frankly at the moment, I am not too sure about what to do about it. Any thoughts about this, my DBZF friends? Edited by SuperSaiyan1993, Sep 12 2014, 12:21 AM.
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| We Super Saiyans are in a league of our own. | |
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| + Pelador | Sep 12 2014, 12:24 AM Post #2 |
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Crazy Awesome Legend
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I am the same way. I like the idea more than the reality. |
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| SuperSaiyan1993 | Sep 12 2014, 12:26 AM Post #3 |
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Super Saiyan among Super Saiyans
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It sucks when you try to implement the idea only to ascertain that the reality considerably pales in comparison. How do you eliminate the idea when it incessantly bothers you? I can't seem to shut it down. Edited by SuperSaiyan1993, Sep 12 2014, 12:27 AM.
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| We Super Saiyans are in a league of our own. | |
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| RaineStorm | Sep 12 2014, 01:39 AM Post #4 |
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I tell myself that I shouldn't set myself or my potential friends up for disappointment. It's inevitable that at some point they will notice a flaw of mine that causes them to no longer like me, or that I may see a side of them I'd rather not associate myself with. It's best not to get attached and end up hurting. Of course I tend to not follow my own advice so I still end up making friends. Few last longer than a year but the ones that do end up staying around forever. I still keep in touch occasionally with two close friends from high school and more often with one close friend from college but other than that I have almost no personal interaction with my friends. Most of my friends tend to be online. |
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| SuperSaiyan1993 | Sep 12 2014, 02:46 AM Post #5 |
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Super Saiyan among Super Saiyans
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That makes sense. Revise the idea so it is seen causally, no attachments, rather than almost important. Thanks Rainestorm and Pelador for commenting. |
| We Super Saiyans are in a league of our own. | |
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| Dankness Lava | Sep 14 2014, 12:01 AM Post #6 |
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Dankness Forever
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I'm the same way. In fact, most people that I consider my friend, befriended me, not the other way around. They always come to my house, not the other way around. Of course, I have friends in another city which I visit on occasion. But they might be slowly slipping from me because I don't go there much anymore. So yeah, I'm a solo kind of guy |
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| + Yusuke | Sep 14 2014, 04:04 AM Post #7 |
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I got the same problem. I tend to stay with my gut instinct and just ride solo. I don't even have any problems with doing it. It's just natural to me. |
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| + Ryebrid | Sep 14 2014, 08:30 AM Post #8 |
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You're way over thinking to much about it. You sound calculative. A friend isn't someone you spend your time thinking about commiting to. A friend is just a friend. Someone you meet, naturally get along with and can stand to be around. You're not commited to see each other or hangout all the time but friends generally hang out to some extent in their off time because they have fun together. That's why friends are there, to have fun. Friends happen naturally so just let it flow. Sometimes the people you never thought you would be friends with actually turn out to be on the same wavelength as you. In other words, don't be to quick to judge. |
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| SuperSaiyan1993 | Sep 14 2014, 06:25 PM Post #9 |
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Super Saiyan among Super Saiyans
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Yeah you're right; I tend to be very calculative about many things in my life. So right now, I think I will not force anything but won't prevent anything either. I'll just be myself and if there are any likeminded people around me, then what happens happens Edited by SuperSaiyan1993, Sep 14 2014, 06:26 PM.
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| We Super Saiyans are in a league of our own. | |
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| + Pointer | Sep 14 2014, 06:27 PM Post #10 |
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I have one "real" friend an that is my brrother . And several "friends" but they really dont count . Oh and yeah having few friends has its advantages and disadvantages. I personally like fewer "real" friends than dozens of fake one Edited by Pointer, Sep 14 2014, 06:28 PM.
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| Buuberries | Sep 14 2014, 06:40 PM Post #11 |
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No
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just from that it's p clear you have trust issues. humans are social creatures and a substantial amount of research on subjective well-being suggests that social support is important for people's mental well-being. put the two together and you have someone who longs for companionship but is afraid to get hurt from potentially letting people get too close because you feel insecure about opening yourself up to people and becoming emotionally vulnerable to them. what to do? do a little diving into ur mind. it isn't healthy thinking you're too good to have friends and then you push whatever friends you manage to find due to self-fulfilled prophecies. |
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| + Yusuke | Sep 14 2014, 06:47 PM Post #12 |
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What's wrong with that? That's a legit point you know. That sort of thing has happend to me on various occasions before. Some people are just cautious of who they want to be friends with, just Saiyan man. But hey, welcome back BB. It's been a long time. |
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| Buuberries | Sep 14 2014, 06:53 PM Post #13 |
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No
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i didnt say anything's wrong w/ it. it was just an observation. i've kind of been screwed over by a really close friend this summer so i understand the feeling of wanting to get close to people but then not wanting to at the same time. |
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| + Yusuke | Sep 14 2014, 06:55 PM Post #14 |
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Ah well, fair enough. Personally, I tend to have acquaintances over friends. Works best for me. |
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| + Emmeth | Sep 14 2014, 07:35 PM Post #15 |
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I ♥ Yoeri
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But to answer this seriously... How I deal with having friends is very simple; I always let something be untold. The less they know, the less they can hurt you. Only a few select know me almost 100% and I trust them 100%. I have a knack for figuring out who is worth keeping as a friend and who's not, which helps. Not sure if that was on-topic, but I had to say it. I guess I could say this which is more on-topic: Stay grounded, don't go out and make friends fast. Let if flow naturally. Other than that, I can't relate to the OP, sorry. |
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