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| Changing yourself for your gf/bf/significant other | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 21 2014, 04:37 AM (562 Views) | |
| Pylons | Aug 21 2014, 04:37 AM Post #1 |
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How often have you done this? In terms of changing your personality/habits/making compromises? Does it pan out usually? |
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Aug 21 2014, 05:08 AM Post #2 |
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Before my current girlfriend, I never really changed or was willing to compromise anything for my significant other. Now that I've found someone I love and want to spend the rest of my life with, I'm willing to do anything to make sure it stays that way and that we're both happy. That doesn't mean I'm willing to change who I am as a person because I expect her to love me for who I am, but she makes me want to improve myself. I don't think a relationship should demand that you change who you are. You should never really "change" for someone else or ask someone else to change for you. But when you find someone you love, they inspire you to become a better person in a lot of ways. For example, I suddenly have the desire to become more responsible and self-sacrificing. |
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| + Pyrus | Aug 21 2014, 05:29 AM Post #3 |
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Sounds familiar... That aside, I have more or less the same perception. I haven't had to change, per se, but I've definitely made myself better and more mature (offline, of course) for my woman. I cut down on the more risky things like street racing, I've been taking much better care of myself in regards to cardio and, dare I say, eating s*** like salads, and I've been a lot more responsible (because kittens are a handful). I want to be a better person for her, and I feel compelled to be. I wouldn't change just because someone told me to, though. I have a bad authority issue as it is, and being told to do something inherently pisses me off. Edited by Pyrus, Aug 21 2014, 05:30 AM.
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| + Ginyu | Aug 21 2014, 06:04 AM Post #4 |
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Leve Feyenoord 1!
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You can't really change your personality. Your personality is something you're Born with. You can act differently, but that wouldn't be something you could keep up for very long. If my GF didn't like my personality then she shouldnt have hooked up with me in the first place |
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| + Pyrus | Aug 21 2014, 06:06 AM Post #5 |
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Isn't the point to find someone that likes you because you are who you are? |
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| + Ginyu | Aug 21 2014, 06:11 AM Post #6 |
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Leve Feyenoord 1!
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Pretty much. I guess the topic starter is talking about little habits you have or small class in your personality. I'd be able to break small habits of my GF can properly tell me why she doesn't like them and if Breaking them won't affect my life in a major way |
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| RaineStorm | Aug 21 2014, 11:38 AM Post #7 |
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My husband makes me want to be a better person. He says I do the same for him. But that is a change we choose, not one we pick for each other. But I have had a relationship in the past where a boyfriend wanted me to change and of course I did because "lyke, ohmygosh he's lyke SO cool" or whatever was running through my stupid early college brain. All I had to show for it was bad memories, trust issues, and a smoking habit (now kicked). So not worth it to make a major change for someone else if they are telling/pressuring you to. You usually end up just pretending, and then everyone is miserable. |
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| + Pyrus | Aug 21 2014, 12:49 PM Post #8 |
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I agree. The other person will usually just get upset that you're only pretending, not really changing. I know I've gotten pissed off at a significant other because they b*** about wanting me to change, so I at least try, and then they b*** that I'm pretending or "only doing it because I said so, not because you really want to," and then I'm like, "What the hell do you want me to do? I did what you asked and you're still throwing a fit about it, woman!" It's a lose-lose situation.You have to want to change or it won't work. It'll be artificial, not real. I may not particularly like salad, but I eat it because my woman wants me to, and because it does benefit me and I want to be a f***ing beast anyway. In the past I've tried changing, being a "nice, respectful, loving" person, and I can put on a ruse, but that isn't me (in those exact words). Eventually I get sick of it, or the situation from my first paragraph happens. I can't just change the fundamentals of my being - not for someone I'm not sure I'll spend the rest of my life with, at least. |
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| + Ryebrid | Aug 23 2014, 03:36 AM Post #9 |
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One of my previous girlfriends tried to change my whole life. She wanted me to work out and change how i looked but it was never enough for her and she was never happy with my results because of who she was comparing me to. She tried to control where i went and what i did, and also wanted me away from home to be with her. She tried to change my personality because apparently i was to nice to her. She wanted me to treat her bad like a bad boy. So i progressively started treating her worse. Then she said she didn't like how i was treating her, i wasn't comforting enough or thoughtful enough and didn't listen to her enough. -_- She also tried to control who i could and couldn't talk to, even if the person was my friend. So i said ok, i don't want you associating with this person then. She approached me a few days later saying controlling who you can be friends with isn't right. Needless to say she only changed her mind because of the person i didn't like her being around. As a result of being with her, my personality came out the other end of the mincer; a blend of nice, bad and a shorter temper. Don't do it kids. Don't even touch it with a 40 foot pole. |
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Aug 23 2014, 04:38 AM Post #10 |
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My ex was the same. Completely controlling and manipulative. It was awful. Don't ever let someone control you or force you to change. |
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| Daemon Keido | Aug 23 2014, 04:42 AM Post #11 |
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Warmaster of Chaos
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Those who know my story well enough know why I say the following: Don't bother with relationships that demand you change. All it will do is make you into someone you can't look at in the mirror. Edited by Daemon Keido, Aug 23 2014, 04:42 AM.
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Aug 23 2014, 04:46 AM Post #12 |
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I completely relate on that level. I hated myself for a long time after my ex. But now I'm actually happy, and it's a good feeling finally being able to embrace who you are. Even after years of manipulation turned you into someone completely different. |
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| Sam | Aug 23 2014, 04:58 PM Post #13 |
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It takes a mere second for treasure to turn to trash.
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With my ex, I changed a lot in some ways and in other ways I didn't change or got worse. She was a nymphomaniac and I wasn't, for instance. I changed that way. But I also changed in that my deep thought stream discussions ended with her because she was either too young at the time (16 vs my 18) or not bright enough. The last part made me distanced and considered hanging out with her to suck. Eventually I broke it off because I knew what it was that I was doing. |
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It's a lose-lose situation.





4:39 PM Jul 13