REVIEW

"Avoid At All Costs."
“All Goddamn Costs.”

Remember the days when you were just a little tyke, and you first saw Dragon Ball Z? Your eyes couldn't handle what they were seeing, and your puny juvenile mind was liquefying at the thought of containing so much power as to literally being able to destroy a planet at the lift of a finger. You and your friends- once you dug yourselves out of trash cans and unstuffing yourselves from the locker- debated endlessly these strange terms, 'power levels', 'Majin', 'Saiyan,' 'Namekian,' 'Capsules,' 'super saiyan,' and more. If you were a dude, you were never gettin' a girl. If you were a girl, every dude couldn't accept you liked the show. And how could any other show compare? How dare Yugioh, Pokemon, Teen Titans, Justice League, Powerpuff Girls, or other 'action' series dare attempt to do battle with the almighty Dragon Ball Z. At the same time, if only they could! Yuyu Hakusho came close, but Dragon Ball Z was off the rails! Kung fu fighting aliens throwing atomic bombs from their fists, blowing up planets, screaming for 50 years just to get their behinds whooped, that angelic looking Super Saiyan 3!! What more could you want?
Why not a Dragon Ball Z video game? Of course! And just in time came Dragon Ball Z: Budokai for the Playstation 2 and Legacy of Goku I and II for the Gameboy Advance- while certainly not the first Dragon Ball games, definitely the ones most people claim was their first. Budokai let you choose one of nearly 15 characters to do battle with. Limited, but you could finally wield one of these breathing WMDs and nuke your pal in a battle! The Legacy of Gokus- especially II- gave you the option to traverse through open worlds and play the game your way. You could level up your character and transform into a Super Saiyan (or Super Namekian) and completely pwn any enemy in your path.
In 2002, this was amazing stuff!
Flash forward ten years, and you're going to realize it is much harder to get away with the same thing twice. Not only that, but picture this- cross both- one fighting video game with a roster that, even in its day, was pathetic, and an RPG. In the RPG, you can play as any character you want, for as long as it's a character that's already been made, but in this game, you have even smaller environments to traverse- if that's even the right word 'traverse'. In the fighting of this game, any semblance of skill you needed to pwn your enemies and friends 10 years ago can now be done by mere chance.
Oh, we're talking about Dragon Ball Z: Ultimate Tenkaichi aren't we? In that case, nevermind. The game I was talking about actually sounds kind of fun.
The mess in question that has been monikered 'Dragon Ball Z: Ultimate Tenkaichi' pushes forth the Dragon Ball Z video game franchise with the exact same thing that was being done four years ago with Burst Limit. It dared try to sell itself on: the "Tenkaichi" name, fulfilling fan wishes, its up-to-par graphics, and the Hero Mode. Except for the graphics, each of these were spectacular failures.

The formula for a Dragon Ball Z game-

-Take the story of Dragon Ball Z*, and a very skewered part of Dragon Ball GT**- don't even give two s--ts about Dragon Ball
*In some cases, just take the Saiyan, Namek, Frieza, Android, and Cell sagas
** Usually keep it to only Super Saiyan 4 Goku, Vegeta, Gogeta, and Omega Shenron, the last one being the blandest character possible in the entire Dragon Ball mythology
-Vary between using around 20 to nearly 200 characters, averaging at around 50.
-Change many dialogue and event points, even go so far as to alter them.
-Battle Mode
-Training Mode
-Add a World Tournament Mode
-Add One Tiny Quirk

If done perfectly, this could be like Madden. I would gladly take this every year if it wasn't so predictable and unpredictable. Why Dragon Ball Z fans get excited when a new game is announced is a phenomenon I'm wholly unsure about, since the change will be mostly like the difference between Burst Limit>Infinite World>Raging Blast>Raging Blast 2>Ultimate Tenkaichi, which is really just different combos, varying level of graphical quality (always stated as "indistinguishable from the anime", although that's something I'd say Burst Limit did best), and character rosters of varying sizes. Wildly. Varying. Sizes. I can't stress this- there's no rhyme or reason or pattern- one game might have fifty characters; the next, thirty; the next, one hundred and seventy; the next, twenty. With no real differences between characters either- whether it be the game with 20 characters or nearly 200.
But Ultimate Tenkaichi represents the worst of all worlds in terms of how a Dragon Ball Z game should be done.
The only pluses with this game is that it is a feast for the eyes and looks beautiful, and the controls are decent as well. That's it. That's all. (c) SkyHMaestro
Other than that, it's more repetitious than internet weeaboos endlessly spouting out how every stupid thing they see is OVER 9000. Actually, no this game deserves this mention- Dragon Ball Z: Ultimate Tenkaichi certainly is NOT over 9000- it's under 9000. It is so under 9000, you couldn't pick it up on a scouter. It's not even worth a single Raditz.

Let's focus on these various issues...
Note, I'm going to separate "Main Game" from "Hero Mode", so if you're solely focused on the one you bought the game for- Hero Mode, be honest- just skip down.

-Story.
Why bother talking about the story? Go watch Dragon Ball Z if you want a feel for the story. Don't play a Dragon Ball Z game for its story. DBZ is already weak on story, and DBZ games are notorious for not following canon exactly. Notorious since the changes are laughable (power level of one). If you want an overview- it just runs through the story in about 20-something events. Some games do better. Some games try to do it in half that. There you go. Now either buy the complete series on DVD or Blu-ray or check it out on Wikipedia. I can assure you, both will give you a better story than any DBZ game ever hoped to.
But I will waste your time.
Basically: Alien boy was sent to Earth and- skipping a whole lot of blah like most games- has matured into a kung fu fighting alien, marries a human, has a alien/human hybrid son, his alien brother arrives, kidnaps his alien/human hybrid son, challenges him, they kung fu fight, a green kung fu alien kills them, he goes to Heaven, he trains in martial arts with God, he is wished back to life by a wish-granting dragon, he returns, more kung fu aliens have arrived and have killed his friends, they kung fu fight, one of the aliens transforms into a giant gorilla, the hero's son turns into a giant gorilla, they go to an alien planet, meet the alien leader, they kung fu fight in a battle so epic each punch could destroy the solar system, the hero alien turns yellow, an alien/human hybrid comes to Earth from the future, androids attack, more aliens turn yellow, a lizard god appears, the hero's alien/human hybrid son turns superyellow and destroys the lizard god, a bubble gum god is revived by a satanic cricket, the hero alien turns so yellow that his hair grows down to his a***, some more alien/human hybrids fuse together, go ultra yellow, the bubble gum god kills every human being on the planet, the aliens fuse together, the bubble gum god destroys the Earth, they destroy the bubble gum god, a baby transforms into a giant golden gorilla, the hero alien goes so impossibly yellow that he becomes half monkey half goth, some humanoid dragons come out of some balls, both aliens go monkeygoth and kill the ball dragons and put them back in the dragon balls, the hero alien becomes a dragon, the end.
DRAGON BALL.

-Combat system.

Crap.

Press X three times- providing the CPU isn't blocking- and you are met with a QTE- press X or Y. That's it. That's all. (c) SkyHMaestro I just saved you 8 hours of gameplay.
The outcome- all depends on chance. Some characters are more predictable than others (Android 18, Trunks, just use X) Yes. DBZ forces you to play rock paper scissors- Russian Roulette really- just to fight. No skill, just chance.

Actually, a more apt description would be Heads or Tails, because that's what it really is.

And so begins a combo. The whole game is pushed forward by way of these cinematic combo sequences. When you first pick the game up, it feels so overwhelming, and the sheer power of it blows your mind. "There's no way I can do this!" Then you get it down. Then you get bored. Within an hour. All you have you do is keep mashing X or Y (unless you're good at timing it) and hold the Left Thumbstick one way or another. You, or your opponent, can get cheap shots this way by starting a fight by shooting off a cheating volley of energy blasts, starting a combo, and stealing up to 9/10s of your health.
And then the game is so combo oriented, you can win/lose any battle as any character against any character for as long as you/your opponent simply outcombo/s your opponent/you.

Let's say you're the one stuck.

The battle begins after a little diddly opening. Two out of three times, your opponent then immediately shoots three rounds of energy attacks at you, which you can't properly dodge because, although the game teaches you how to dodge, it doesn't seem functional in actual battles. Once a certain number of energy attacks have been thrown, you warp to your opponent, and begin the combo- they then warp to you and strike- it doesn't matter which button you choose, because- for this one singular instance- it feels like the game automatically chooses that you lose this game of chance- and then proceed to whoop your a***. "RECOVER" taunts you for several goddamn seconds, as you can't recover. It takes energy to recover- something you don't have because you just freaking started the fight. So you watch in horror as your enemy strikes you- every attack taking 1,000 HP from you- until the sequence ends. You started with 30,000 Health. Now you're down to 14,000. The battle's not even 10 seconds old and you feel like you just got your a*** kicked harder than any a*** has ever been kicked before in the history of the world.
But wait! Just enter melee range, and then unleash several combos of your own, with each attack increasing your own energy bar. Before you realize it- usually in about another 20 seconds- your enemy is so weak, Spirit Mode has been activated- at which point, you can use your ultimate attack against them and wipe them out, since the preceding combos (which should take away energy if you have to fight) somehow increased your energy bar to maximum.

There's no point to fighting. You might as well have let the opponent hit me with a 16,000 ATK punch, then let me shoot a kamehameha that kills them in one shot. That's all the combo sequences prolong. And 'combo' doesn't mean "X-X-Y-B-Y-A-B-Y-B-Y-Down+B+Y-Up+X" or anything. The combos occur entirely on their own. Press X three times, press X or Y at the QTE screen, and then you just guide them with the directional pad as they take the opponent down. This means that game PLAYS ITSELF FOR YOU. Oh yippie. That's why I spent 50 dollars on a piece of software- for it to play itself for me.
And then you get to the Boss Battles. GOD, the boss battles. The Oozarus? I mean, in some QTEs, if your a*** is even 5 milliseconds too fast/slow, you're screwed. And I say you cannot afford to lose any health within your first few rounds, because you'll easily lose 10000 HP. Basically, three or four shots per battle. The boss battles would have been fun had it been a more straight fight. That would've been epic. Cut out the QTEs...
The only redeeming quality of all this? If you mind the QTE delays, the game feels quite polished. The characters move naturally, punches are spot on, and the controls are tight. Any movement problem is your own fault, not that you get much of a chance to move your character around.

The damage you occasionally deal your battle locale seems nice at first- until you realize nothing's permanent. You just punched your opponent so hard, the inertia knocked a whole karst mountain down! *Event ends* Oh wait, there it is again. You beat their behinds into the Earth and made a crater! *Event ends* Hey! Where's that crater?!? Whoa! My Masenko just blew up a huge hole in the city! *Event ends* Where'd the hole go?

So much for 'fully destructible environments.'

Hmm.
Here's a factoid- Dragon Ball Z: Sagas, one of the worst DBZ games of the last generation, also claimed to have 'fully destructable environments.' So did Dragon Ball Z: Legacy of Goku II- one of the best from that generation. As did Budokai Tenkaichis 1, 2, and 3. And just about EVERY DBZ game. Of course, this bit of false advertising has fooled many over the years- the most 'destructable' we ever get is the ability to crush a big rock or a building or carve a semi-permanent chasm into the planet we're presently fighting on.
What I want- to be able to completely wipe out a map- no "Earth/Namek Destruction" sequence middleman either- all the way down to a basic plain. That means- see that mountain? If I want it gone, I want to be able to Final Flash that SOB into oblivion and keep it gone. Same goes for half of the standing map- I don't want it to regenerate when the destruction sequence ends. I want it to stay gone, so that I can then float over a pool of lava that explodes under my feet. The city I'm fighting over? I don't want buildings to shatter like slate- let's break them down, shoot people through them. Then wipe the whole city out with a super powered ki ball. Like what actually happens in Dragon Ball Z.
Nope....

So what else can I say about the game in terms of combat? Besides my flabbergastment when it comes to people who whine "IT DOES TAKE SKILLZ!!!" (NO, IT f***ING DOESN'T. If a 6 year old can master this s*** (and they can, I've forced my 6 year old cousin to suffer through a few games, the deluded soul actually liked it), then it takes no skill. That, or you might need to start checking that 6 year old for Red Ribbon insignias.) There's no variety amongst characters. The combos are exactly the same for Goku as they are for Gohan as they are for Frieza as they are for Android 16 as they are for Broly as they are for the Saibamen as they are for Krillin as they are for Omega Shenron as they are for Yamcha. You'll only find any semblance of variety in their special attacks- which look nicely done, actually.
In fact, the whole game looks nicely done. Ultimate Tenkaichi features some of *the* best graphics I've ever seen in a DBZ game. It seamlessly merges the cel-anime feel of the series with some level of hi-def stylized realism. The oozarus look very impressive, giving battles with them an almost Japanese myth-like quality (not that it's actually fun to play these battles, because it's really downright terrible). The textures are amazingly well done. You love the places you fight in, even though they're the same places we've been fighting in for years.
However, lip syncing has retrogressed since Budokai Tenkaichi 2. It gets laughable when a "Japanese Dub" occurs- the characters speak, but their lips don't match. But most often, it's just their mouths opening and closing with no rhyme or reason.
Oh, and something funny occurs when you notice that this game constantly switches between the Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball Z Kai voice actors. I mean every other line, they switch. This had to be on purpose.
You might wonder why I haven't done a proper 'Pros and Cons'- that's because I just did. The graphics and admittably sleek-ish feel to the controls are all this game has going for it.

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Now, onto the REAL reason anyone actually bought this piece of polished poop.

HERO MODE
Ever since DBZ brought in a fanbase, there has been endless fan pining for a 'Character Creator'. You see these kinds of wants in Marvel, DC, Star Wars, Sonic the Hedgehog, and more. Everyone (except Sonic, but probably for the best in that case) have, in some way, gotten their wish, usually by way of MMORPGs. Dragon Ball Z decided to go ahead and try it- Hero Mode allows you to create your own character and follow your own story. This is all fine and well, except everything I just said is a lie.
You can't create your own character: only customize an ugly character that was already designed for you.
You can't follow your own story: the story laid out for you I can't even call a story. It's the most pathetic piss-poor piece of proper published poop I've ever come across, and it's sad Bandai actually tried releasing this commercially and expected praise- they seem to have the mindset of your common Fanfiction author. "Hey, this is a story I wrote. It's awesome, it's about how Frieza and Goku became friends and trained my half assed character to fight anti-Goku and have sex with Vegeta and Trunks and use the Dragon Balls to do the Chicken Dance and create the greatest kamehameha ever made!!! You better read it and give me nothing but praise!!1!!"
Unfortunately, you have to put up with the chaotic assault on literary decency, because if you don't, you can't customize your character by whatever else you can unlock and dress him up as, whatever this ugly dude is supposed to pretend to be. The only real offerings of development you're given is by what you unlock in the story, which isn't much.
This is the most pathetic, laughable, and pisspoor 'Character creation' engine I've ever seen.
"Hey, you said that I can't create a character, but just customize one made for me. Isn't that what most 'Make a character' modes are?" I consider 'create a character' as having the option to choose face, body, gender, race, size, that sort of stuff.
But you do get some chances to make your dream character! You get the mindboggling option of two hairstyles. Amazed? It gets better. You get four, that's right- four costumes to choose from. You have two base clothing items, and then two variants of the first two! (an undershirt, some of Broly's jewelry... what. You thought these ellipses were supposed to hint there are more than that? Well there is none, you spaz. The variants simply remove some of the jewelrey or take away some of the gi) So basically, you can create either Goten with Yamcha's face and a pitiful Super Saiyan-Fail hairstyle, or some SS3 Gotenks-esque being- with Yamcha's face- dressed in Broly's clothes for some goddamn reason. Maybe mix up the hair and clothes. Or you can be bald. Because we adored all those crazy hairstyles so much that we wanted a bald character. THAT. IS. ALL.
The only real options for diversity you get are:

Color: You can create a racially-black saiyan, a jet-black saiyan, a racially white saiyan, a paper-white saiyan, a red saiyan, a green saiyan, a purple saiyan, a gold saiyan, and anything in between. Same goes for his hair. So if you want to give him the "Bed" hair (AKA, Super Saiyan Fail) and color it gold, you can marvel that you've created a true false super saiyan. And to be pretty f----ing honest, who cares? Guess what, I DO care, because when you go super saiyan with this hair, it doesn't change! It doesn't prop itself back into its correct skyward position. And godforbid if you made it too bright or yellow- when he goes super saiyan, it actually darkens. Jesus Christ. Jesus goddamn mother-----ing Christ!

Voice: For your dude, have about 8 voices to choose from- almost remarkable since the Hero Mode is fully VO'd, but almost so because with the voices comes pre-set personality-- and with a DBZ game comes pre-set ultra-corny voice acting and dialogue. Wanted a bad-ass teenaged punk? Pfft. Maybe you'd prefer a man-child. Hmph. Did you want a truly sadistic character? Choose from Evil or Crazy- they both sound like a 50 year old man, probably wearing a Hawaiian shirt, who's in a bad mood and needs a daiquiri- and he can't be evil anyway, since he's a hero. I’d rather just choose a voice and then choose personality separately. Because that’s totally not time wasting and will result in programmers and VAs spending precious time away from their family. Further ruining the whole feel is the absolutely PITIFUL voice acting. Dragon Ball Z, historically, has way over-the-top uber-duber corny/cheesy voice acting and generally doesn't really sound that serious, but Hero Mode takes it to new extremes. The cheesiness of the dialogue in this mode rivals that of the Budokai games, and how. Cheesiest dialogue I've heard since Star Fox. Corniest since Dora the Explorer. You can't find cheesier in an afternoon PBS cartoon. It's so cheesy, you could put it on macaroni. Watch out, because a cheese storm is coming, and if you're lactose intolerant, hook yourself to the nearest toilet because the cheese is relentless.

Note several recurring words.

"Saiyan."
"His."
"Tail."
"Man."
"Hero."
"Dude."
"With Yamcha's Face."

You're only allowed to create an ugly-ass heroic Male Saiyan. Yeah, women are generally seen as the weaker sex and the only characters given any real battle treatment in DBZ was Android 18 and Pan, but hey, this is anime. We have otaku obsessed fanboys, as well as ladies who'd love to see a girl go Super Saiyan. What's more of a turn on/empowering icon than a glowing, ultrablonde, green-eyed chick who can blow up planets? While many fans have and will rant and rave about this endlessly on online boards, I find something even more blasphemous= Only a *Saiyan* can be made. There goes my hopes for a Namekian. This is just beyond pathetic- no love for Namekians?!
And where's the Villain mode? Why can't I destroy the world? Come on here. COME OOOOON! You even get the f----ing chance to be trained by Frieza, Cell, Captain Ginyu, all these asshats and you have to be a hero!?! What? No, mute this summab**** and just beat down on Goku's a***. Come here, Gohan. It's time to die. X-X-X-Y COMBO, Superattack, planet's done for. Whoo hoo, villain power. Where are you, Krillin? Oh Piccolo!!! Muten Roshi, Chi- CHI CHI!!! Bear my child, Chi Chi! I killed your husband and your son. Deal with it.
VILLAIN. POWER. Screw off.


And further unlike a proper Character Creator, you can't even customize your character's appearance. That means you're stuck with Yamcha's face, minus the scar, no matter what you want, get the f*** away from me. Wanted Goku's face? Oh well. He kinda looks like Goku! Go home! Wanted muscles as big as Broly? Don't care! Go home! Wanted Zarbon's, Android 20's, or Majin Buu's face and body? Screw off! Go home! Wanted something actually original? Didn't you freaking hear me? Go home! Wanted a girl? Pick the long haired a*** hat and pretend he's a chick/tranny! Don't wear Broly's gi! Go home! And you wanted a Namekian? Color your saiyajin green and make him bald and unlock Piccolo‘s hat! F--- off! Go home! This game doesn't give a damn. This game mode serves only to piss fans off. And it forces you to plod through its godawful story just to unlock items that, once fully in your domain, feel like the basic set themselves. Like this is what you should have started with, and you should've unlocked more from there.
"That's OK. That's what I was going to make in the first place." F*** you, no it's not. "But I wanted to create a lop-sided-Super-Saiyan haired green Goten who could use Meteor Strike, Sadistic 18, and Super Kamehameha!" Didn't I just say f*** you?! And you can't do that either unless you choose the Standard Hero, get the f*** away from me, what the f*** did you DO!
Yeah, at the start, you're only given 3- count'em- 3 different size options. But if you're thinking of making a kid hyper saiyan who kicks a*** with Meteor Smash or any other physical punch-kick attack; a friendly, ki-crazy giant who fires off Kamehamehas, Special Beam Cannons, Death Beams, and Omega Blasters, look alive! The size of your character does more than satisfy your fan fantasies- they also determine what abilities your character will wield!!!!!!!1!
Yeah, I didn't know that your powers depended on your size in the series either... You get "Light Hero"- smallest character, about the size of a child; "Standard Hero"- about the size as most teenaged/adult characters; "Heavy Hero"- Tallest character, about as tall as Broly/Piccolo.
You're totally forced to play as Standard Hero. Just saiyan. Didn't you laugh?! I SAID JUST SAIYAN. YOU SPAWNED ME RIGHT WHERE HE SHOOTS THE SPIRIT BOMB!!! If you want *any* super attack options, you had better choose the Standard Hero. This is because Light Hero is the character that specialize in energy attacks, while Heavy Hero specializes in melee special attacks. The child-like Light Hero only has ki blasts for special and ultimate attacks. The Heavy Hero only has melee attacks for special and ultimate attacks. Nothing else. *tumbleweed rolls on* So imagine my surprise when I decided to cheat my way around the game's roster.
"f*** it, this game doesn't have Goten? I'ma make my own Goten! And I'ma mak'em AWESOME." N.O.P.E.
What I thought was a disappointment but turned out to be a blessing in disguise is that you only get 3 size options- thus, only one 'save' file for each size. That means you can't have 3 Standard Heroes, or any variety in that fashion. Turns out I saved myself the trouble of putting myself through that torture more than once.


There's no reason to try, and I'll prove it to you.
In order to create a 'better' character, you have to fight various enemies and defeat your Masters. Your Masters are haphazardly chosen, and you have to fight them a minimum of 6 times, usually to unlock such ultra-mega useful, character building things as 'Health +1" or "Pink Flame Aura." All fine and well, except that *you don't earn any EXP for any of it*. So all that crap you do with your Master means nothing. Instead, just keep fighting the random-ass battles scattered across Earth and earn crap XP for it. Not that I really wanted to. The battles drain you so badly that you just can't go on. Thirty minutes later, your mind has been r***d by the sheer blandness and so little has been unlocked or earned that you begin contemplating suicide. Just leveling up to the SECOND GOD DAMN LEVEL takes more time than you should ever be willing to put in this game.

Your """""Masters""""" don't teach you a lick. We were lied to, man. Lied.

There are no special cutscenes where you can watch Goku or Frieza train your special, absolutely original fancharacter. Instead, you just choose one from a list of unlockable characters and get right to fighting them. Like the bourgeoisie a***** pushing their luck r*** the proletariat, your mind is further r**** by games of chance. Chance goddammit- and I'm not talking about the combos either! If you win, you might or might not unlock something. Most of the time, you won't. In other words, you wasted your time fighting a corny, pitiful a*** excuse of a master who doesn't even train you when you could've been taking on a Saibaman or Dodoria and actually earnin' something for it. Nope!!!
And by the way, you're handicapped against yourself. Even after nearly 60 goddamn repetitive battles won- several of them with Perfect rankings- I only had 37,000 health and dealing 'power combo' streaks that totaled about 5,500 damage. Before long- after about three story battles- I was facing enemies that had 75,000 health, had combos that did 12,000 damage, and were borderline cheating. Let your a*** b*** opponent unleash two devastating combos against you, factor in some extra punches and kis, and BOOM. You're dead. And if they transform, they get some health back. They get more brutal. They r*** you. They r*** you so fast, your neurons don’t even have time to comprehend that your virginity’s been stolen from you forever more, from now until world's end, amen. They don't even have to transform- after a mid-battle cutscene that ruins your concentration, the CPU suddenly gets down and dirty to cheatin' and the difficulty skyrockets. If you transform, you don't get a lick. Your power goes up a tiny bit. Barely a bit. Maybe +.05 Ki and Power.

But the CPU gets twice as brutal. As soon as they see your gold aura hit the sky, they suddenly bathe in the power of Satan and become abominably powerful, satanically fast, and if you try to throw a punch, they will catch your punch, whittle your bones, rip your fingers in different directions, and shove your arm into your body. Super Saiyan Almost Yamcha vs Tien? Tien will win every goddamn time. But for your Masters- all of a sudden, they're 50x weaker, can't do a damn thing to you, and aren't even trying. The ones who should be testing your prowess don't prepare you. Your f***ing mommy didn't prepare you for life, and the first fruggin' day you go out into the real world, you get r***d by a couple of phony a*** salesmen before being forced into being a cross racial transvestite with a s*** fetish for the rest of your youth. Picked up a f***ing tapeworm, and are sodomizing yourself with it just to satisfy some a***** paying you in singles. f***. What is this s***. f***. It. f*** it.

f*** it. f*** it. f*** IT. So imagine this: you go to your Master to fight in hopes of gaining a gold or red aura to play with a kaioken or false super saiyan. Your master is much weaker and lazier than story battles, but you still are beaten to about 2,000 health with your brain juices dripping out of a gash in your face and your heart falling through your nose. But you did it. You beat his a*** like no a*** has ever been beaten before. Then, out of nowhere, Gohan's a*** flies in and caves you in. Now you have to play Training 1 all over again and try to bog down the first guy enough to take down Gohan. So after ten attempts, you defeat Super Saiyan Gohan with about 200 HP remaining, proud of yourself. Time to claim your fruggin' prize, go home, fight some Saibamen for s*** XP, and go onto Training 2....
BUT BEFORE ANY OF THAT, MAJIN f***IN' BUU COMES IN AND OWNS YOUR WILD a*** IN ONE ACCIDENTAL HIT. I DID NOT F---ING CHOOSE THIS MASTER TO FIGHT AGAINST GOHAN AND MAJIN BUU. This isn't worth it. I'm not wasting my time getting owned 20 times only to learn that I don't unlock a damn thing (I really didn't!!), or unlock 'Attack +1'- which does absolutely f---ing nothing considering you need something like 'Attack +25' before you even notice any increased damage! And then to accept the motherdamning realization that you will never earn any XP for it… If you won, you should have been given a boatload of XP- but the game f***s you with a d*** the size of the Planet Express, rips you in half.
This game is actively trying to f*** you. It's trying to put a wig on you, slap some f***ing tights on you, get you to put your feet in its mouth and foot-fondle its d***sack before it then takes a machete and cleaves off your toes.

The storyline transcends 'bad.' I know DBZ's story is not in any stretch a 'deep' one, but this story makes me want to freaking puke. You start by befriending Captain Ginyu, and then teach Androids 17 and 18 about caring. You face Piccolo who directs you to Golden Ape Baby. He then reveals the ultimate evil who has led the world to ruin. Is it Vegeta? Is it Frieza? Oh my god, what if it's a shocker, like Nappa, Raditz or.... O...M... G... *What if it's Goku??!?!?!??* 0.0' That alone would have saved it for me, if there was some big shocking twist at the end.

NOPE. It's the evilest, most powerful, and downright lamest villain in the entire mythology, Omega Shenron. This storyline is so pisspoor, I actually felt let-down. I shouldn't have! I honestly shouldn't have expected anything, but why shouldn't have I? This is an entirely new Dragonball experience, and the plot was already bad. Maybe there would be a huge shock? No. Really, I am just depressed. This could've been something interesting- imagine if the Ultimate Evil was actually someone you never expected, like General Tao, Vegeta, or someone of that caliber but just so happens to wield an immense power? No, it has to be the 'ultimate shadow dragon'. No worries about interest. Sigh- I really can't explain it, but learning from Baby that Omega Shenron was my enemy really sucked. It took the wind out of me. Hero Mode marketed itself as being 'what the fans have been waiting for.' We didn't wait 25 years for Namco-Bandai to troll us with something that masquerades as a Character creator. If I wanted to recolor someone else's fancharacter and try to call it my own, I would have just clicked onto DeviantART and troll around on RP forums. The only way you could have stripped Hero Mode down anymore would have been to give us a regular character and recolor them. Actually, I feel like I would have had a better character creation experience recoloring Goku or Vegeta than I did in Hero Mode. Which is why I recommend staying true to Tenkaichi II and III.
I mean, who the hell thought of this mode? Were they honestly trying to troll the fanbase? Wasn't it obvious from the start that they were doing everything wrong? That the mode was a mountain range OF UTTER CRAP????


AVOID THIS GAME. You will be that much more of a Dragon Ball Z fan if you never play this game. The Hero Mode is NOT what you think it is. I am trying to save you your money- you can't do anything in this mode!!! Two hair styles, four clothing options, one race, one gender, a handful of bad voices, limited attacks, poor level systems, forced-size choices, the fact you can only go to super saiyan 1, relentlessly tiring combos, repetitive battles, and a terrible a*** story ruin everything. It’s unbeLIEVABLE how badly they screwed this up. You'll find more fun in an online Dress Up (Insert Character) flash game and use this character in a fanfiction. At least you assert some control and can make a character with a few more options than this waste of time and effort. Don't even pay the main game any attention.
God DAMN do I hate this game. f***. f*** you.

1.5/10