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| Bullying? Did You Ever Get Bullied? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 18 2013, 12:03 AM (3,691 Views) | |
| Buuberries | Oct 18 2013, 05:42 PM Post #31 |
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No
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Eh, it depends on the school/region... The school I went to was pretty tight on bullying. At least for the fights I got into, the teachers were mostly on my side even though they didn't condone the way I retaliated, and the other person always got into more trouble than I did. Actually, I didn't get into trouble at all. |
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| * Crashbreaka | Oct 18 2013, 10:44 PM Post #32 |
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Captain Oblivious
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My high school pretty much gave people a slap on the wrist, assuming they didn't straight-up ignore it. It was horrible. |
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| Saiyan Femme | Oct 19 2013, 12:12 AM Post #33 |
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I never got particularly bullied, I went to a private school and it wasn't tolerated there. But my best friend got bullied a lot outside of school for being overweight (she would tell me about it, I wasn't usually there when it happened) and it broke my heart to hear about it; she tells me it toughened her up -which im sure it did- but it's obvious it affected her a lot. People really f*cking suck. |
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| + Steve | Oct 19 2013, 02:42 AM Post #34 |
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Greetings. I will be your waifu this season.
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So it's not worth it to make sure kids are safe at home? Just because not every kid could be seen too doesn't mean that kind of thing shouldn't be enforced. In the long run it's only going to minorly injure franchises like McDonalds, less employees. No doubt a lot of potentially great minds have been squandered by the damage and even suicide bullying gives, that nerdy kid could cure cancer. But not if he shuts himself in his room the rest of his life or slits his wrists. The weaker, smarter kids are always a target.
Seen that way too many times. Often times it's a case of "If there's no physical violence it's not bullying" when really psychological bullying is far far worse, and if the victim acts out...woah, they're not the victim! Alex has a black eye, he's the victim here that other one is a bad influence. It's either that or "I didn't see it happen, so it didn't" Bullying never stops unless one of the parties moves away or the bully is confronted by the victim or parent, the latter not being a good idea. In primary schools it's kind of sucky for the teachers not to do anything about it, in the UK at best the teacher has maybe 25 kids each year, it's quite easy to see which ones are reserved and don't mix with others, even fearful of them. Understandable for the first year or two but after that then it's likely to be bullying, abuse or some form of social anxiety developing. Teachers are a kids best defence against those kind of problems yet they're rarely involved enough to notice when they should surely have a good insight in to a child's behaviour. These things get picked up more in high school, but by then the damage is already done. |
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| TrunksinSwimmingTrunks | Oct 19 2013, 06:34 AM Post #35 |
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Formerly known as daman
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Well this post is gonna go unread. Still at least I can reflect a little. Well when I was 3/4 there were some older local kids who used to pick on me for a while, push me over, ask me if I still wore nappies (lmao). My dad shouted at them like I've mentioned before and then they stopped. When I was 5-7 (so year 1-year 3) I was "bullied" most days. Not sure why for all of it to be honest. Being brown a lot of boys (never girls) used to say things about brown people or just call me names to do with that (I kinda lol at people on the Daily Mail website claiming kids can't be racist). My mum told me to say "why do white people try to get a tan then"....obviously not the most clever thing to say since you'll just spur on a cycle if you insult people back but back then I didn't think of that being a little kid and all. Other than that at playtime/breaktime I used to always have little toy cars and some boys would kick them. There were also these other 2 boys that used to for the most part just pick on me/threaten me. One of them became my best friend from the age of like 8-13 though. Not sure why I was picked on really maybe I was a little quiet and was a bit of a goody-two-shoes. Still I liked those school years quite a bit and did have a few good friends, and there were a lot of other people I got on with. When I was 5/6 I would sometimes put up my hand and tell the teacher right away if someone said something racist to me but the teacher saying "don't do that" with no explanation of why it shouldn't be done and no punishment doesn't tend to have much effect. When I was 8 I went to school in America and didn't really get anything. Wasn't so popular but still it was fine. When I was back in the UK after a year I got picked on a lot again because I was the top/one of the top in every subject apart from PE/Music/Art and was seen by most as being quiet and again was a bit of a goody-goody, although I was known for messing around a lot a couple of days a year (if you're gonna mess around do it properly). Generally I just got called things I suppose and was just not that popular. There were 1 or 2 kids who used to say stuff about being brown again but mostly I didn't get anyone insulting me because of that. I had some friends though and mostly hung with the nerdy group who played tag instead of football or bulldogs (got banned eventually, as did beyblades when someone's parent got hit in the eye with one) or whatever else. I was always kinda too nerdy for the "cool" kids and then not nerdy enough for the nerdy kids. There was this funny time when everyone was calling me Wendy when I was 9 (wasn't really that serious an incident tbh since some of them were friends of mine) for a few weeks or so and eventually one time it was annoying me and I happened to fall over and cried (since I was already in a bad mood) and then people were going on about me crying (was just before a lesson and were walking behind the teacher) so then the teacher asked me why I was crying and someone else said it was to do with the Wendy thing (no idea why it was Wendy btw) so then it ended up being a big issue even though I myself had never complained about it, so me and another guy who was also a friend of mine (who also once tried to frame me, and claims to have saved my life once although I disagree but that's not for this topic) ended up in the head's office and he was getting told off a bit so he started crying and said "he called me leprechaun" and got off the hook. But yeh basically literally everyone had called him that more than I did for years and he'd never said he didn't like it, and he told me that he faked the whole thing to get out of trouble....good tactic. Was funny so yeh felt like mentioning it. And yeh his parents were Irish. One time in year 6 I pulled a chair out from under a guy and he fell while sitting down. Then he looked round and pulled the chair back and I did the exact same thing again and he still didn't know who it was. Basically the extent to which I'd picked on anyone until then, but yeh was nobody I regularly picked on or anything, unless they said something to me first. Anyway yeh when I was 11/12 I'd get picked on by people for the same old reasons but still I had a decent group of friends and was always confident in insulting people back and was pretty good at coming up with specific insults which can actually hurt more rather than just being like "you're dumb" or "ya face". My threats weren't half bad either. I wasn't very sporty so that didn't bode well for popularity, and my dad was generally of the same mind as the kids in school so used to tell me off for not being sporty and compare me to other kids who he met from my school who played sports but were usually not good kids in school and didn't do good academically (sometimes they would be the kids who picked on me lol). There were like 3 kids who I sometimes picked on a bit (just insulting them). There was one fat kid who was also a friend of my best friend (well one of my best, other one was a guy on my street) and I'd say stuff about it being faster for him to roll than to run or whatever. He wasn't exactly an angel though and a lot of the time if I wasn't saying anything bad to/about him and we were meant to be having a truce he'd start saying things about me. There was another quite fat guy who was unpopular and used to do anything to try to be popular including insulting other people including me, so when I got a chance I'd pick on him (to me the difference between picking on someone and just insulting them back is about whether you're the aggressor or they are) sometimes. The 3rd guy never really did anything to me but me and my friend used to get quite annoyed because he'd always be trying really hard in science but get things wrong, and he liked ABBA and did this weird thing with his mouth like a boat (you know when you push air through to make your lips move). I'd definitely say we (me and that friend) shouldn't've picked on him. He happens to be friends with the main group I hung with too nowadays although I've not seen anyone from there for like 6 years (I never really was fully part of any group btw, more just was friends with random people who might happen to be part of different groups....straddling groups/sides pretty much sums up my life tbh). When I was 13 I moved to a different region of England and the way I got picked on was different in some ways. Before if someone was gonna be racist they would straight up do it, but in the new place people more just made jokes and stuff every day which were hard to do anything about because if you say or do something they'll claim you're overreacting. I know some people think jokes about ethnicity/race/nationality are ok but imo if you're not friends with someone you definitely have no place making them. My first year in my new school I literally had no friends so it was pretty dull/awkward trying to look like I was doing something, and then after that I did start making friends a little but still not much. When I was like 17 I had a couple of good friends there to always hang out with though, and then a few other random people to sometimes talk to/be with by then. Anyway yeh when I was like 13 we learnt about that "turn the other cheek" stuff from the Bible in RE, and I decided to try that. I also changed my personality in some other ways like just being less argumentative/reducing my anger issue (I was prone to very occasionally flying off the handle more than anyone) because sometimes I'd fallen out with my friends in my old area because of that. I ended up regretting changing though because it was like I lost myself so for the next couple of years I was always trying to figure out how I would be if I hadn't changed myself, and then was trying to be like that. Now I'd say I've fixed it I suppose. Anyway be careful if you're thinking of making big changes to your personality to please others. Anyway because I was less argumentative and stuff whereas in the past I'd talk back to people who picked on me now I'd just be silent basically and "turn the other cheek". Obviously it only made it worse because "turning the other cheek" only stops people from mistreating you if they actually have a conscience that makes them feel bad mistreating people who are nice to them. I tried to stop the "turn the other cheek" stuff but by then I found it impossible to ever get angry about anything in school - instead I'd just be "really annoyed" by it so it was hard to do much. If you did say or do anything it'd instantly become you against a bunch of people anyway since a lot of those people were unable to be 1 on 1 with you. Being less argumentative and stuff also made me quieter which didn't improve people's perception of me in general. I was picked on generally for being quiet/not being good in school (basically used to not do homework, would not revise (never had in the past really anyway) and then also not pay attention in class....I'd say I basically did that since before when I was one of/the top in the year I'd end up getting other people thinking I wasn't cool/get my dad telling me off for not being how he wanted so I tried to be cooler by being an idiot), for being brown (although in this school unlike the others there were a lot of brown kids, I was the only one in the year who was quiet and wasn't always surrounded by a bunch of other brown kids since I never believed in being friends with people just because of colour or membership of some other group not particularly related to personality), and for looks in general. During those years I rarely ever picked on anyone else but there was one kid who I occasionally picked on because I found him to be arrogant (he was good in school, which I obviously don't mind, but I don't like arrogance). Still I picked on him sometimes when I shouldn't have. Other than that when I was like 15 I sometimes picked on people who I knew were bullies themselves and made them look weak in front of others on purpose, and then laughed at them or whatever. Overall I'd say I was "bullied" a fair amount but I know there are some people who have/have had to go to school and always run away from people who are trying to beat them up so I've never really been like "omg I'm a bullying victim wahhhh". That and I have bigger fish to fry anyway and even though a lot of people would hate the school life I had (which I do) when I was a kid I definitely preferred school to being at home because being at home was way worse for me. On the topic of how bullying should be handled I'd say that a lot of teachers don't really take it too seriously when they see people being picked on, sometimes because they don't know if it's serious, and sometimes because teachers themselves might have been "cool" kids in school so they don't really sympathise with the kids being picked on (for example my dad was an assistant field hockey coach in a school for a year or two and he would be mad about me being too much of a "nerd" or whatever). The other thing is that as mentioned a lot of kids won't go and tell anyone they're being picked on because they know they'll be mocked/picked on for doing that, they might be too embarrassed to tell people that they're being picked on and sometimes they might not even know if the mistreatment they get is bad enough to warrant telling a teacher/adult. edit: Another thing I'll bring up is the whole claim that people who bully others are normally going through rough times or are insecure. In my personal experience looking back at least in high school the kids who picked on me probably had less problems than me. Most of them were quite rich, and they always seemed to be allowed to do things I couldn't, and a lot of the time had good relationships with their families although I can't be sure of that in most cases. I remember I heard about one kid who got slapped by his dad when he was like 16 and hit him back. I was like "really?" because that seemed quite crazy to me. Really realising that the kids who had it easy were the mean ones makes me quite mad. Decided to make the non-life story stuff bold. Edited by TrunksinSwimmingTrunks, Oct 19 2013, 07:03 AM.
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kamizake pyro is a girl? olsiw Make the old spam section viewable plz | |
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| DaemonsWench81 | Oct 19 2013, 07:37 AM Post #36 |
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This is one of those subjects that I am sure some people won't talk about and some people would prefer not to think about but honestly...I can't remember a time in my life where people didn't try to bully me. In grade school it was because I was a complete dork (I say that owning the word btw, I love my dorkiness). We were also poor so there was the traditional hand me down clothes and all that. But I was the dork who WANTED to go to summer school. Like I begged to go...I loved school. I went home really upset when they said I couldn't go. In junior high I had quit playing summer sports and basically quit being fit for a kid of that age...so then came the bullying for being fat. With that weight however came breasts and despite what people think...breasts before others is something you will get bullied for. It was upsetting to have them and honestly I wanted to tape them down so people would leave me alone. I did not know how to handle it or who to talk to about the issues. In high school when the bullying started it was by a girl much bigger than me and honestly men and women alike where scared of her. I had my moment with her and she confronted me in the middle of the hall because I wouldn't move out of her way. I have NO idea what made me say it because God knows I was S-C-A-R-E-D...terrified. But when she looked at me and said "I'm going to kick your a*** if you don't move" I looked her in the eye and said "Look here we can do this, fight it out and yes you are going to win but I swear to you I am going to make you hurt before you can leave." She looked at me and blinked then left me alone. After that I found myself gaining some popularity and yeah I was the freshman girl who dated a senior guy who had an awesome reputation so the bullying stopped really after that. Unfortunately once a bully-ee always one. Even in my life after school it has happened. Its a viscous path that is hard to deviate from or change. As an adult I have self conscious issues that if you ask him Dae would tell you drive him nuts because I have trouble accepting compliments, I do not think I am pretty or sexy or any of that. What I see in the mirror is the person that people have spent my life telling me I am...overweight ugly woman with no chance. *shrugs* I work at it everyday and I get better....I have good days and I have bad days. What I have found that in exchange for the bullying I used to receive is anger. I don't get bullied anymore because when it happens I tend to scare people with my responses. I think most times people either get scary or stay in place with bullying. But that anger at least for me is a result of the fight I have with myself over letting people make me believe negative things about myself. |
]There is no definition of beauty, but when you can see someone's spirit coming through, something unexplainable, that's beautiful to me. Liv Tyler | |
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| Buuberries | Oct 19 2013, 11:13 AM Post #37 |
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No
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Quote me where I said kids shouldn't be safe. I'm talking about your idea practically. For the amount of money the government would hypothetically spend for your idea, so many other things could be done that would be more effective for all children rather than just hoping that at least half of them wouldn't end up being bullied. |
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| Sam | Oct 19 2013, 12:32 PM Post #38 |
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It takes a mere second for treasure to turn to trash.
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I was beaten by my older brother a bit growing up. But, during fifth and sixth grade, and coincidentally about when I joined this forum back in early '05, I was repeatedly physically beaten at school. Thick balls of ice, rocks, whatever. I remember waking up in a ditch once, head bleeding and concussed because of them. They would brutally bully me in class and the teachers did nothing. The principal used that "glass half full" bulls*** on me as his best answer. It was so horrific and I became so deeply depressed that we had to move to a new school district. I went to St. Croix Falls for 7th-12th grade, and graduated there. I was very popular, apparently hilarious, somewhat flamboyant. Most people really liked me and I never got bullied in HS. I acted so ridiculous that I made myself bully proof. It sure was hell before that though, I still carry those scars. They cut very, very deep. I'm not sure I'll ever completely overcome the damage from it. |
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WoW Legion Ending - Thank you Darker for making this into one, big incredible gif! <3 | |
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| TrunksinSwimmingTrunks | Oct 19 2013, 12:36 PM Post #39 |
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Formerly known as daman
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What's his idea? A social worker in all schools? That doesn't seem crazy. It's like having one extra teacher in terms of its cost, and it's something that exists in other countries (like Finland, the USA and Malta). I'm not sure that that would actually solve the issue of bullying since I can't see many people going to talk to a counsellor, but then again I'm not sure since since I've not seen a school where that's available to pupils. It might be useful for other things though. How useful it would be would probably depend on how accessible the counsellor is (including whether pupils feel there's enough privacy) and whether pupils are introduced beforehand to the counsellor/the school makes sure they feel it's a real option. Education about bullying could help too. As in once a week for half an hour if PSHE was actually done properly, but seems it normally isn't. |
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kamizake pyro is a girl? olsiw Make the old spam section viewable plz | |
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| DaemonsWench81 | Oct 19 2013, 03:15 PM Post #40 |
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I know that now most schools in the US have adopted the No Tolerance idea to bullying. I can't say if it is effective as I am now way out of school but maybe it does help. I hope it does some good work. I know that most celebrities here now are even starting causes...one thing I can think of is on America's Next Top Model they normally have one episode a season where they embrace their bullying and have a photo shoot where they take a word they were called and turn it into something positive. |
]There is no definition of beauty, but when you can see someone's spirit coming through, something unexplainable, that's beautiful to me. Liv Tyler | |
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| Buuberries | Oct 19 2013, 03:51 PM Post #41 |
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Social workers checking up on every kid at every school. |
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| + Pointer | Oct 19 2013, 03:57 PM Post #42 |
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have been bullied from 04 to 06 and 07-09 yeah I am a pro 08-09 was probably the worst/most certainly/ The only way for a single individual to escape from bully is aggression, fight fire with fire Edited by Pointer, Oct 19 2013, 04:02 PM.
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| + Steve | Oct 19 2013, 05:16 PM Post #43 |
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Greetings. I will be your waifu this season.
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Exactly, they should be safe. A child doesn't just say if they're being bullied or whatever else and they aren't going to realize if they have any mental problems and likely neither would their parents say with ADHD, just a hyper kid when really it's more than that. What could be done for all kids then? There is no solution to it, bullying will always happen unless every school is rich and has top class teachers which is obviously unrealistic. It wouldn't really take much for most if not all kids to be checked up on. Say 1000 social workers all over the country(these numbers are all examples), each school is visited every 2 months maybe 3, 5 or 6 social workers per school, few minutes with each kid. Most social workers travel a lot as it is, my mother is one and she regularly has to drive over 100 miles a day. A few minutes is enough to tell if something is majorly wrong, especially for somebody who knows about the signs, then all they have to do is drop their report off at the local firm and the social workers in the actual towns can see to the kids who are obviously being abused. Then the traveling ones move on, it would only take a day for each school, if that. And there are obviously way more than 1000 social workers so they could quite easily sweep the schools. I'm talking chiefly primary schools here(I don't know what others call it, middle school? When you're between 5 and 10 anyway) most high schools/academy's have a social worker in the school or one that visits anyway, mine did and it's a small school. Something like that would do fine in Britain, in America it would obviously require more manpower but then there is a lot more manpower available. |
![]() Definitely not a succubus, fear not | |
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| Buuberries | Oct 19 2013, 05:32 PM Post #44 |
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Actually, you're contradicting yourself there. "A child doesn't just say if they're being bullied or whatever else and they aren't going to realize if they have any mental problems and likely neither would their parents say with ADHD, just a hyper kid when really it's more than that" Yet you expect them to just tell a social worker? It'd be far more effective to address the the fact that some kids don't feel comfortable telling an adult or whatever, and not waste manpower and money like that. Educate teachers and other school workers to look for these signs. They already work at the school AND they know their students better than a random social worker who visits them 4 times a year. and lol there are just way too many factors involved in bullying that you're completeing diregarding -- "a few minutes" is DEFINITELY not enough. What you're suggesting is just a complete waste of money and time especially when there are more effective options. |
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| + Steve | Oct 20 2013, 12:59 AM Post #45 |
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Greetings. I will be your waifu this season.
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A child doesn't tell when they're bullying when they're really young, but they do tell that they're being bullied/abused in their behaviour. A few minutes is enough to tell something is up on a basic level, teachers don't look for behaviour unless blatant they just assume that they're another shy kid, it's the hyper ones that stand out to them the quiet ones are a blessing. To an extent educating teachers can help, but it's a stressful job especially with younger kids they can't effectively manage them all when they're trying to make sure nobody is eating the glue or whatnot. Teachers just don't often look at kids the right way to notice and they see them for a year at a time, if the kid has already crept in to a shell due to bullying they won't notice the change, just another one of the quiet kids. A teacher doesn't have the time to check up on the family life of a student, it's not their job. There's too much going on for a teacher to notice it all, better to have a professional is it not? A lot of social workers are just glorified taxi drivers that don't get to make much of a difference even though they studied for it. It's usually only high school that it's noticed by teachers because people should have developed social connections and such by then, if not then something altered that. But then there's also the problem that the kid learned to hide their issues by then which will often lead to self harm, drug abuse or vandalism. In high school there's also the issue of it being a social faux pas to tattle on others so it's very important that bullying or abuse get noticed in the younger years, add to that that high school teachers deal with hundreds of students a day. It wouldn't really cost all that much more it's not like social workers would need to get more money only if they traveled round the whole country since they usually get paid for mileage, each social worker need only work in their country so that wouldn't be any more of an issue than it already is, in Britain at least. They are an underused resource quite frankly. My mother studied for 3-4 years at a university and got a degree in child psychology and all she really has to do for her job is take kids out for the day or take them to visit their parents. It's not like it would need to be high class, expensive, social workers going round the country. |
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