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Living together - Do or Don't? Advice?
Topic Started: Jul 3 2013, 09:35 PM (584 Views)
NineTailedFox
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I know some of you on here are married and live with your spouse, so this is more directed towards you folks than others, but certainly anyone can respond, of course.

What's it like to live with someone you're in a relationship with.?
I've been with my girlfriend (on and off) for almost 14 months now, and we're both insane about each other. You could say we'll probably get married one day, by the looks of things. Yet, we're still both in college (I'm a freshman this year, she's a sophomore), and I'm going to the next state for school while she's staying in state for hers. We both want to get out of the house more than most and just be happy and together.
Now, with all of that said, is there anyone out there who has any do's or don't's with living with someone you're not married with..? My brother and his wife had an apartment together before they got married, and they worked out just fine. Any tips on what to do when she's peeved? Basically any tips on living together?
Really any response is welcome, of course. I love to hear y'all's input on things :)
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EMIYA
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"I am the bone of my sword."

I assume you mean cohabitation. It's a very common thing that has really only been natural I suppose not only in the USA but in other countries as well. Despite this however, statistics do show that those who cohabitate as just as a much if not more of a chance of getting divorced. Why this is, I can't say exactly and you'd think "Hey if we live together before we get married it'll get us prepared..." or something along those lines and yet somehow the data just shows that cohabitating either doesn't effect the relationship much in the end or actually negatively effects it.

I won't say whether you should or shouldn't because despite this data, its still a fairly popular trend, but its what the data shows. This is of course directed to heterosexual relationships and its assumed by the same notion that homosexual and/or lesbian relationships would follow the same format as well.
Edited by EMIYA, Jul 3 2013, 10:01 PM.
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Seruphim
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Cell's Angel

I would highly suggest living together before you're married (if that's the plan). It helps strengthen the relationship because you're getting used to each other and how the other is at home rather than just seeing each for dates or hanging out.
What to do when she gets peeved? Ask her. She's not some enigma- she's a human and feelings too. If something is upsetting her while yall are living together then talk to her and ask what it is. I roomed with my friend for awhile and he would leave the nutella jar out, opened, knife on top a few feet away from the sink and throw his paper bowel in the sink too. It was annoying so we talked about it.

I think, a good idea for when you move in, is to just discuss all these things before hand. How do you like the temperature of the house, how clean would you like it, how often do you want it clean, what about music, having friends over, when do you go to sleep etc. etc.

that's my 2 cents anyway
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Buuberries
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No

ive moved in with strangers who became friends but ive never lived with a significant other, so i dont rly have anything to add. at least u dont have to worry about leaving the toilet seat up or anything cuz u dont need it up. i literally do not know any women who doesnt get annoyed when it's left up.
¯\(°_o)/¯
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* Mitas
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption

I spent a few months over in Australia living with my ex-girlfriend in her family house (only her Mum and Step-Dad). One thing I would definitely advise is being able to ensure that either of you have a way to have alone time when you need it (and trust me, you'll need it :P). It's very important that you have that, in my opinion, because being together constantly means that you start getting under each other's feet and it breeds unnecessary problems.

Apart from that, there's not much else to say if you're as comfortable with each other as you made it seem. Figuring out a split of household chores and responsibilities comes as time goes by and everything else is falls under 'good reasons why we want to live together' like being able to spend time together whenever and just generally being in each other's company.
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time."
"Next time?"
"Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is."
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Coolest
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I lived with my fiance for around 6 months before we married. As Christians, this was quite difficult, and I wouldn't recommend it, due to it being pretty hard to keep your hands off each other, but we did it. :)

I'll echo what's already been said; make sure you have a chance to have alone time TOGETHER (just you two) and alone time APART (just you). It's extremely important.
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SpeedoTrunks
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As others have said, it's one of two things. You either don't see what all the fuss is about, and find it easy. Or you discover the real person you're going out with and start to hate them.

I personally have lived with my [soon-to-be] wife since we were 19. For us we've had our ups and downs, but for me personally, i don't understand why people make it into such a big deal. We live together, pay bills, and have not as much money as we did before haha. If anything It's great for the freedom you feel, as by 18 I wanted to get out of my parents house so badly it was unreal. Of course you have to have your own little boundaries/rules about things, but on the whole its all good.

On the other hand, a friend of mine moved in with his [then] fiancé, and after about a month, they'd both moved back home and separated. This was because they both found that in small doses, they loved each other, but found they actually don't really like each other that much, so could not bare the fact of being together potentially forever.

For what it's worth, i say go for it, regardless of the outcome, you get some invaluable experience in life which ,[should the worst occur], you'll have something to use for future decisions. All the best with it my friend, I hope it does all work out for you!
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NineTailedFox
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Thank you, everyone! It will be a while until both of us are financially ready to support each other, so we've still got time to talk about everything that you all suggested. Again, thank you! ^_^
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