Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Rotation Advertisements



We hope you enjoy your visit to this forum.


If you are reading this then it means you are currently browsing the forum as a guest, we don’t limit any of the content posted from guests however if you join, you will have the ability to join the discussions! We are always happy to see new faces at this forum and we would like to hear your opinion, so why not register now? It doesn’t take long and you can get posting right away.


Click here to Register!

If you are having difficulties validating your account please email us at admin@dbzf.co.uk


If you're already a member please log in to your account:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
  • Pages:
  • 1
Relationship Break-up Advice
Topic Started: Jun 16 2013, 03:29 PM (1,447 Views)
* Mitas
Member Avatar
It truly was a Shawshank redemption

I was debating about whether or not to post this, but I figure it'll be helpful to get some different opinions/perspectives/advice. Basically, for those who don't know, I was in a long-distance relationship from June '12 - Dec '12, and in December I traveled from the UK to Australia to meet her and we were together right up until April '13 (there was about a month when I came home and went back out). The plan was to start a life there, but that didn't go to plan and I ended up having to come home and we had to break up.

Fast-forward to now and I'm having an incredibly tough time dealing with it. I realise now that I depended on her so much more than I should have. For the first month or so, we kept in contact, talking every day still but just not as much as before, but we had a falling out about a week ago and now we don't talk. That has been the slowest week of my life and I can not seem to get her out of my mind or bring myself to try and move on.

So what I'm asking is does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? Could you offer any advice on how to convince myself to move on from her? I can acknowledge that it's over, but I just can't seem to accept it. People keep telling me to move on, and I keep thinking that too, but then I just think "but I don't want to move on, even though it's over, because that means I'll have to start forgetting about her and I don't want to".

Apologies if this sounds muddled, I'll be happy to elaborate if it doesn't make sense.
Posted Image
"Then you've got the chance to do better next time."
"Next time?"
"Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is."
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Copy_Ninja
Member Avatar
Novacane for the pain

Eh, it just takes time. I can't say I've been through the exact same thing (I honestly don't think I'd have moved to the other side of the world for any of my exes) but I've been through break ups at least and time was always the main thing. It's still all pretty fresh right now so your mind is on it a lot. As the weeks start to go by and you kind of realise that life goes on and there's a lot of things to enjoy, other things to do etc. I know it's not really that helpful right now, but there's no "thing" you can do that would just automatically make it better tbh, the feelings tend to just dissipate with time which makes it easier. I would also recommend not talking to her much if you can help it, talking with her makes it much harder to think about letting go.

It takes a different amount of time for everyone though, so don't put any sort of expectation on it. My friend got out of a long term relationship earlier this year and he's only just really gotten over it, he was a mess for months but he got through it.
Posted ImageWe'll never be those kids again
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
* Kid Buu
Member Avatar
I feel sleepy

Well these types of things are to be expected. It was normal routine for you to be speaking with her day in and out.
If you really feel you want to forget her and move on with your life then do other things.
Keep yourself busy in something else, make a new routine. That will help ease the pain, you'll be concentrating more in the other thing your doing then thinking about her. That's my advice to you. Hope you get through it, i know the pain of losing somebody dear to you and it's not easy but you'll pull through.
Posted Image
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
POOHEAD189
Member Avatar


Mitas, how come we keep having the same problems?
This exact thing just happened to me. I don't want to forget about her, because of all the promises we made and how much love I still have for her. She broke up with me about a month ago, but a week ago she messaged me and said she missed speaking to me. I pretty much denied her friendship. I've felt heartbroken and guilty about it all week though. This week has gone by so slowly.
Anyway, my advice is to not speak to her for a good long while and see how you feel. That one message I received from her made all the emotions come flooding back.
Tha gaol agam ort. <3
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
* Mitas
Member Avatar
It truly was a Shawshank redemption

Thanks for replying guys.

I guess I know that all I can do really is just wait it out and try to take my mind off of it by doing other things, it's just such a daunting task to think about. Especially when you hear and read about people saying it can take up to and more than a year in some cases.

And Poohead, I know, we have some sort of problem synchronisation lol Yeah I definitely have to stop contact with her. I have been trying, but I end up messaging or skyping her (which makes me feel worse because I feel sort of pathetic) and every time that's happened in the past few weeks it's ended badly or made me feel worse because it just rips open the old wounds and I'm back to square one.
I guess I just have to find a strength to not do that, but it doesn't feel like I have that in me.
Posted Image
"Then you've got the chance to do better next time."
"Next time?"
"Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is."
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
POOHEAD189
Member Avatar


Quote:
 
And Poohead, I know, we have some sort of problem synchronisation lol Yeah I definitely have to stop contact with her. I have been trying, but I end up messaging or skyping her (which makes me feel worse because I feel sort of pathetic) and every time that's happened in the past few weeks it's ended badly or made me feel worse because it just rips open the old wounds and I'm back to square one.
I guess I just have to find a strength to not do that, but it doesn't feel like I have that in me.

Believe me, I really wanna speak to her as well. But it'll do nothing for you. You have the strength.
Tha gaol agam ort. <3
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
+ Pyrus
Member Avatar


Yeah, if you know it's over for good, then occupy yourself with something else. Anything else to keep your mind from wandering to that sore subject.
Spoiler: click to toggle
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Alex D. Boss
Member Avatar


Darth Pyrus
Jun 16 2013, 06:54 PM
Yeah, if you know it's over for good, then occupy yourself with something else. Anything else to keep your mind from wandering to that sore subject.

Yeah Indeed. I agree with you.
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Zenet
Default Avatar


I think you should stop seeing her for now and latter on when you both have your own relationships you could stay in touch being open about it like close friends.
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
+ Majin Vegeta
Member Avatar
The resident GT fan!

I am not that experience on those thinks but I have been though this just one time,it was summer and we broke up in the end of it,for like 4 months I was like destroyed inside of me but all that time I realize that's enough it's time to move on(I did not speak to her all this months note that's important)then I start enjoy myshelf hanging around be myshelf and friendly and I totally forgot,however every summer we met each other out(including this summer)but time ti time I got over it and we manage to become something like friends,I hope I helpd out a bit Mitas i can't Denyi to help you out
Posted Image

"Its only when we're pushed to our limits that we can truly shine!"

Majin Vegeta
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Buuberries
Member Avatar
No

get a new haircut
buy new clothes
workout

you'll be surprised at how much doing seemingly trivial s*** will raise your self-esteem and you'll come to realise you don't need anyone to feel like you're worth something.

eventually*
lopl
Edited by Buuberries, Jun 16 2013, 07:20 PM.
¯\(°_o)/¯
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
+ Pyrus
Member Avatar


Working out really does help a lot. It helped me get over some tough things in my life, I look much better than I did before, and I've got a thing going with this woman I met there. Three positive things right there.

Try it out and if you don't like it, try something else!
Edited by Pyrus, Jun 16 2013, 08:17 PM.
Spoiler: click to toggle
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Super Vegetto
Member Avatar


* Mitas:

Go in club. Get yourself drunk and chatch some random girl xD

Or like Buuberies says, do something new about yourself and if you dont train start training and i mean with weights.





Spoiler: click to toggle
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EMIYA
Member Avatar
"I am the bone of my sword."

Quite frankly life is going to go on and you will eventually find something that will allow you to continue. This kind of stuff in relationships isn't new and to have a low down after breaking up after a week or even a month isn't new. Now if this actually continues and you remain depressed or something for quite a while then at that point its clearly not just the feeling of typically feeling down, that would probably need actual emotional and psychiatric attention.

You yourself are going to have to come to the conclusion that not only is it over but also to accept it. In the end this is the only thing you can do because its your choice in the end. To help out with this, its firstly best to talk to close people and friends about this situation. Not just us random users on the forum, but actual friends and family that you see often. A community does wonders for a person then if a person tries to work on a problem alone.

With these kind of things, people can help you along the way but its ultimately up to you to make the final decision. I nor anyone can force anything on you. Confidence here is a virtue to have.

Its really not best to ignore the subject though. Don't just try to forget about it (especially if it becomes an actual serious problem) You want to face the problem, focus on it and then see about making a good conclusion and being able to accept the reality, definitely helped if you have friends and family who will support you. If you just try to ignore it, the only thing you're doing is bottling it up somewhere and the next time you get into a relationship and this happens, same thing.
Edited by EMIYA, Jun 16 2013, 09:01 PM.
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
* Light
Member Avatar
Yo

You should cut off contact with her and try and focus on other things.

Having said that you should also know I'm a massive hypocrite who keeps in contact with most of his ex's. The best cure is to fall for someone else, when you say that you don't want to start forgetting about her I know exactly where you're coming from. Sometimes the sadness can be a sweet one, and there's something almost enjoyable about picking ones wounds in these circumstances.

I actually would also throw my voice behind the working out thing, this sort of thing is a good time for self improvement/self reflection. Use it as fuel to try and work out who you want to be, where you want to be etc.

And finally I'm sorry you're hurting, remember that most people have felt the way you feel right now at some point. Don't let yourself feel isolated.
Posted Image
Posted Image
Member Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
0 users reading this topic
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Fully Featured & Customizable Free Forums
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · General Discussion · Next Topic »
Add Reply
  • Pages:
  • 1

Theme Designed by McKee91