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Dragonball Dark (Preview)
Topic Started: Nov 8 2012, 06:04 AM (771 Views)
* -Zero-
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Black Knight

Well, I have been meaning to do this for a while. Attempt to write a Dragonball story in which will deal a lot with characters themselves, development, psychological look into things. So don't expect this to be the typical Dragonball story where a super villain comes, threatens to destroy world, and then spirit bomb or kamehameha and it's all over. This story takes a darker approach to the Dragonball world, however rather than starting from the beginning, I am erasing GT from this timeline and just continuing on from after Dragonball Z. I would love to get feedback and see what everyone has to say. It will help me decide if this will be a short story or an on going on. If it turns out with it being an on going story, I do have a lot of material in mind for it and will give more characters more chances to shine, and have their own developments. However like I said this is not the typical Dragonball story this takes a darker approach, and I'm hoping more realistic. (Well I mean everything that Z introduced is there like powers, flying, planets and etc but I think you get what I mean.)

This is just a PREVIEW!!! So this is not the full first chapter, I thought I'd post a preview right now before I finish the first chapter to see what everyone has to say about it.

Still deciding on whether I'll post full chapters as I type them or start posting them after I have finished typing the first Volume.

Please enjoy this preview and leave feedback alongside any questions you may have. We can use this thread to discuss more details about this upcoming story.

PREVIEW STARTS NOW:
The sky was dark, and lightning was surrounding the enormous city. People were running all around, heading back to their houses, and looking for some place to stay safe. With a blink of an eye a ship crashed down on the empty street causing a big pot hole. The triangle shaped black ship was small enough to fit just one person inside, but big enough to make that one person comfortable. No one paid much attention to it. The distraction of the storm was good enough to camouflage just about anything. The small red light on top of the ship turned yellow just as the door slowly opened. The figure stepped out slowly, taking out one foot at a time. Once outside the albino figure's features were more noticeable. His nose small and deformed, bright blue eyes that could mesmerize anyone. His ears were bigger than the average person's. He was wearing a simple spandex suit a sword on his back. His nails were long and sharp, and all of his teeth were pointy.

"So this is planet Earth," he said as he admired the tall skyscrapers around him. He took a few step forwards while reaching for a small pouch he had on his side. He felt the inside for a few seconds before feeling what he was looking for. He removed his hand from the bag and looked at the radar. He pressed a small button on the side of it, and seven different lights began flashing on the screen.

"Looks like one of the dragon balls is nearby," he said as he clicked on the closest light on the screen, showing him where to go for that light. He took a quick glance around with the lightning still strong, and took off flying.

* * *

The walls in the room were covered with book cases, all filled with books. From top to bottom, the only way anyone would be able to reach the top of the book cases would be with either a ladder of if you could fly. In the middle of the room was a work desk filled with piles of books and papers. Seated on a chair looking through another pile of papers on the table was Gohan. He slowly adjusted his glasses and then took a deep breath.

"I never realized being a teacher would cause this much work!" He said to himself as he stood up and walked out of the room. He headed towards the medium sized living room where Videl sat in a black leather couch watching a movie on their flat screen television.

"You're done correcting all of the papers, honey?" Videl asked as she gave him a loving smile.

"Not yet, getting close though. It's been such a stressful week, unbelievable. They need to organize exam weeks better," he responded taking a seat next to her, and putting his arm around her.

"Tell them about it, I'm sure they'll listen to you."

"It's the first thing I'm going to do tomorrow. Where's Pan?"

"She's sleeping right now. Can't blame her after all tomorrow is her big day, she'll be five years old!" Videl responded with excitement.

"Yeah, she's going to have a nice surprise party. Can't believe it's almost a year since my dad took off to train with Uub. Why does he need to train so much?"

"I'm sure your dad is fine, and had his reasons for whatever decision he made."

"It's just not fair. Pan idolized him, she loved him and then he just leaves! What about my mother, how many times did he just leave her all on her own? If it wasn't for Goten she would be completely alone right now. She has never been able to enjoy a normal marriage because he's too busy being selfish and thinking about his training. He doesn't need it, he just wants it for his own thrill!" Gohan said raising his voice a little with small anger on the inside.

"Gohan, it's in his nature. He can't help it. You should know too, you're part Saiyan. You used to idolize him too, he's thought you a lot of things as well."

"Fortunately, leaving my family was not one of them," Gohan responded as he adjusted his glasses and turned to the television.

* * *

Chi-Chi was laying down in her bed with a big comforter warming her up. She was looking at the ceiling, daydreaming. She saw herself being cuddled up in bed while Goku had his arms around her. The two of them watching a late night horror movie. Goku would not understand any of the movie of course, but he would still watch it for her. The smile on Chi-Chi's face faded as she realized it was almost a full year since Goku had gone away. She had not heard anything from him during that period of time. No one knew where exactly Goku and Uub had gone too, but no one bothered to look as they knew it would be useless. Feeling loneliness was something Chi-Chi had gotten used to. Goten still lived with her, but at the age of eighteen he spent most of his time out with friends and hitting on girls. Gohan and Videl came to visit occasionally with Pan, while her father was traveling around the world with his new girlfriend.

Picollo disappeared shortly after Goku had left with Uub while Bulma was too busy teaching Trunks how to handle her capsule corp business. Vegeta had taken a more peaceful approach, and the only fighting he ever did lately was teach his six year old daughter Bulla. Krillin lived in Master Roshi's island alongside Eighteen and his thirteen year old daughter. Tien and Chiatzou would visit their old bodies once every two months, the rest of the time they would be doing their own training in a deserted place. Yamcha had become a popular movie actor, and was the only friend that came to visit her often.

She sighed as she turned to the side on her queen sized bed, and cuddled up with her comforter, as she went back to imagining what life would have been like with Goku around. All around the wall in her room were pictures of Goku, with some of her own two sons, and her granddaughter. All the pictures with Goku in it had one thing in common, he had a big smile in all of them. It was something she had always loved about him, his smile. She was glad she had the pictures as his voice, his feel was all beginning to fade from her memory.

* * *

The mysterious figure that had left the space ship earlier landed in front of a farmhouse. He looked around to see that the grass was nicely cut, and the sound of the animals coming from the barn. He hated the smell. He couldn't understand how someone could live in a farm with the smell of the stool all day long. He did take into account that his nose was superior than a human's. He checked his radar to verify that he was in the right location. It pointed straight ahead of him and he looked to see a small old red house, with a lot of smoking coming from the chimney. He knew that the dragonball was inside the house.

A man dressed in jeans and a stripped shirt came out holding a shot gun with a cigarette on his mouth. He approached the mysterious figure leaving a footprint of his boot with every step.

"Who are you? What ya want? Saw ye from the window of mah room," the farmer said with a strange accent.

"Farmer with a shotgun, interesting," the figure calmly said as he approached the man slowly. The farmer nervously pointed the tip of his gun towards the figure hoping it wouldn't get any closer to him.
"I will fire this gun, not afraid!" He said as the cigarette fell on the dirt. His hands were trembling with fear as the figure did not stop. The figure yanked the shotgun out of the farmer's hands and threw it far away from them. He smilled at the farmer as his other hand came out from his clothes with a knife. He slowly inserted the knife into the farmer's stomach while covering his mouth to avoid any unwanted attention.

"Shh, you will die, but it will not be quick," the figure said as it inserted the knife deeper into the farmer's stomach. Blood began to drip down. The farmer feeling unimaginable plain as he struggled to break free from his foe. It took a few minutes until the farmer lost his life. The figure slowly removed the knife and threw the farmer on the ground as if he was nothing but trash.

He removed a black handkerchief from his pouch and wiped the knife clean and put it away again. He approach the house, and entered it without knocking.

"Baby, is that you? Who was the creep that you saw outside?" A woman's voice said as she came into the hallway. The blue haired woman quickly screamed as she saw a stranger standing there with some blood on his clothes. She turned around and started to head towards the other side of the house. The killer began to follow her and witness something that even shocked him. Her hair color changed to blonde as soon as she sneezed.

"What is going on?" She said confused just as she was cut in half on the waist. The killer was standing there with his sword dripping and Lunch's bottom half falling on the ground, followed by the top half. He looked at his radar and followed the signal which lead him to the bedroom. He opened three drawers before he finally found what he was looking four, a dragonball. He counted six stars on the ball and then smiled. He reached for his pouch and took out a small circular object. He glued it to the dragonball, and placed it on top of the bed. He took a few steps away and waited a few seconds.

"BOOM," he witnessed the dragonball exploding. Shards of glass were flying everywhere as the dragonball was completely destroyed.

"One down, six more to go," he said as he noticed a mirror to his right and approached it.

"Earth should fear me. I am Terror!"

END OF PREVIEW!
Edited by -Zero-, Nov 8 2012, 06:19 AM.

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SSJ
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Looks great! I like your writing style it flows really well. Cant wait for the continuation!
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Pookie
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Pookie Powa!

Wow super amazing. I loved the description. It almost felt like I was watching the walking dead when you described the slicing in half of the woman xD.

LOL @ the farmer with the shotgun.

Oh and Gohan is such a nerd. I'll be reading more once you have it up. It was truly a great read.

I can't believe the dark figure, Terror, is destroying the dragonballs. Without the dragonballs, Earth is dooooomed.
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sephcel24
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Art prevails!

nice really nice bro
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SSJ
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Zero when do you think we can be expecting the next part? I am really looking forward to reading it. The plot seems well thought out, and it will be interesting to read.
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+ Kyouks
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Waat is diz, Launch and a farmer.

Anyways great work. No dragonballs definitely puts a twist on things.
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* -Zero-
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Black Knight

Thank you everyone for leaving your feedback I truly appreciate it. I wanted to try something different with DBZ been wanting to for a while but couldn't figure out how but I've finally got it together! This will be a much darker Dragonball without the dragonballs because I feel like they take away any kind of drama/suspense. Glad I'm getting good feedback thank you. Ill continue work on it. I'm hoping to include quite some character development so there won't always be huge fights but hopefully the story will always remain interesting.

The first full chapter should come soon! You've already seen the beginning if chapter one.

I might start releasing them when I have finished first few chapters, Ill also make a new thread with the title Dragonball Dark.

Again thanks for reading and the feedback!

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Alright, sounds good I will be waiting! :rofl:
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Auld-Dog
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Read this over. Good read, brilliant intro (something i know you hate doing, this and Edge Walkers have been done real good).

Interesting idea, a villian targetting known Dragonball characters (lesser ones so far) and NOT wanting the Dragonballs, going out of his way to destroy them!

Raises questions about how durable the actual Earth Dragonballs are, and if destroyed, can they be restored?
Dende still has the Dragon statue for Shen-Long, but what can he do about destroyed Dragonballs? If 'Terror' doesnt get to him first though...
This will change things in big ways; no way to save the human population, restore a planet, ressurect a fallen friend or summon up a fresh pair of underwear...

look forward to reading your spin on DBZ.
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* -Zero-
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For this first season which might be between 12 to 16 chapters there will be no Goku.

The main cast will consist of:
Gohan
Videl
Trunks
Majin Buu
Eighteen

Recurring:
Chi-Chi
Goten
Yamcha
Pan
Hercules
Krillin
Maroon

Minor:
Vegeta
Bulma
Bulla
Oolong
Master Roshi
Puar



This is subject to change however, but more or less what I have in mind. No Goku at all and want to have less of Vegeta too, let the two big guns be on "retirement."

I'll continue to release more info as I work on this
Edited by -Zero-, Nov 11 2012, 04:07 AM.

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