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| My opinion about love and relationships | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 16 2012, 03:56 PM (1,051 Views) | |
| + Pelador | Feb 16 2012, 03:56 PM Post #1 |
Crazy Awesome Legend
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So you meet a person one time and then find that you can't seem to stop thinking about them. Then you bump into each other again only this time, you exchange contact details. With this information in hand, you begin talking to them often. Maybe even going on a few dates. Your heart feels funny when you're around them, you might feel a little flustered. You feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Then you eventually move in with each other. Here is where the real test begins. This is where you find out if it is real love you have for each other, or that fake kind which merely exists to make people reproduce. Also known as the initial stage of attraction. You could even call it lust if you want. All your brain wants to do for the first couple of weeks you're together is to have sex with them. It's one reason why new couples have sex so often compared to people who have been married for 25 years. Real love however means that sex is not a primary concern. It's more of a supplement, occasionally spicing up your relationship. You don't need to pleasure your partner in that manner if you are genuinely in love. Their company alone should be enough. If you find that the only thing that keeps you relationship going is the sex, then maybe you should start thinking about moving on. Because that is not a good sign of a happy relatiionship. Your partner should be like your best friend. Always there for you when you need them. Willing to put your needs before their own. And the same thing the other way around too. One sided relationships never turn out well. The ability to compromise will be a life saver. Sometimes if you want it to last and you genuinely love your partner, then you will be willing to once and a while let go of your pride and have it their way or both ways. That's a good sign that you are both genuinely in love with each other. Sacrifice and compromise. So don't go spouting all this rubbish about how you're in love. When you've never had to live with them. Never had deal with mood swings; financial strife, pregnancy scares, miscarriages, tempatation to cheat on each other, sickness, their family, work issues or boredom. Go through all of that and remain a couple and then I will believe that you are in love with each other. Because how else will you know for sure until you've been properly tested? There's a lot more to being in love than those basic, primal desires you initially feel about a person. We'll likely all find out the hard way at some point that the person we thought we were in love with, was just another person we where physically attracted to but in the end didn't like enough to want to stay with them forever. |
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| POOHEAD189 | Feb 16 2012, 06:49 PM Post #2 |
 
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I agree with most of that. Pretty much all of it. But as for sex. I think Sex isn't just something that spices up your relationship. I mean, its not WHY you are with the person. You should want to hold them and kiss them and spend time with them. But sex is the physical manifestation of showing that you love someone. Which is why its called making love. |
| Tha gaol agam ort. <3 | |
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| + Byakko | Feb 16 2012, 07:29 PM Post #3 |
I once gave a Kangaroo a heart-attack just by staring at it
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I understand where you're coming from, but you don't decide whether or not somebody is in love. Nobody can. You just know when you're in love. And, when you're in love, all that matters is that the other person feels the same. Also, sex is just like what Poohead said. It doesn't "spice things up," it's being more intimate with that person than you are with anybody else. |
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GFX Portfolio Tumblr DeviantArt  Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'" | |
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| + Pelador | Feb 16 2012, 08:38 PM Post #4 |
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Crazy Awesome Legend
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That feeling of love is only temporary though. There to make people have sex. It changes as you spend longer and longer with someone. Until it's no longer that infatuous passion anymore. It can become a bond and a great friendship which is really difficult to become broken. If it's real and you're right for each other anyway. |
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| ryanson209 | Feb 16 2012, 08:49 PM Post #5 |
MAGICAL GIRLS REPRESENT
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Love is a funny thing. Makes normal people think crazy things, and crazy people do illegal things. |
 Life is a performance, and the world is full of critics. Give it your all like it's your last show. | |
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| Cal | Feb 16 2012, 09:04 PM Post #6 |
I may not deserve to live, but I will protect those in my reach with my reverse blade!
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Better question, is love anything besides a *****ed up chemical reaction inside someone's brain? |
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| SirParagon | Feb 16 2012, 09:05 PM Post #7 |
Sparking!
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Love: (mutual) respect earned through virtue. If people mistake lust for love they probably won't have a very fruitful relationship in the long-run. Love can only develop over time (none of this 'at first sight' crap), you have to fall in love with the person, not what they look like. Don't listen to the morons who insist there has to be 'chemistry', looks fade. Regardless, falling in love can make anyone seem like the most beautiful thing in the world. The most important aspect of a relationship should be like-mindedness, polar opposites rarely work out. Best to find people in common interest clubs, they're like an individualized filter. Also, you shouldn't greet people with a lack of enthusiasm if you're looking for someone capable of a happy and stable relationship (it tends to repel such people, while attracting the depressed types). Edited by SirParagon, Feb 16 2012, 09:12 PM.
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New Account: Spirit Metaphor Voluntarism? | |
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| + Pyrus | Feb 16 2012, 09:11 PM Post #8 |
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I kind of agree with what you've said, Pelador. Love is thrown around way too often these days, especially with younger teens who are just experiencing their first high school crush or something. For me, sex isn't the most important part of the relationship, although I probably couldn't go the entire duration without it. It's great to have but if I really do connect with the person and like them for who they are, then just being around them keeps me happy. I don't want a person to just bang, I want someone that respects me, cares for me, understands me, and that I can genuinely be happy with without arguing all the time or having to change everything about myself. I'm overjoyed to have found that person. My past relationships have all been false loves, as I would put it. The longer I was with the person, the more I became aware that we just weren't going to work out, no matter how hard we tried. I think I threw around the word "love" because I thought that was the only way my significant other would know I'm completely serious about being with them, but that's such a terrible way to show it. I don't live with my girlfriend (hell, we don't even live in the same state), but that doesn't mean I don't or can't love her until I've done so for many months. True, living together helps clarify your feelings for someone and brings out the beasts in both of you, but it's not a necessity to be able to say you love someone. Love is far too mysterious a subject to be garnered from by simply living with someone. I have incredible feelings for my girlfriend, so much so that describing them is almost an impossible challenge, and I would definitely say I'm way past the point of "initial lust". Her beauty (or attractiveness) is what caught my eye, but actually talking to her is what caused the development of my feelings for her. Looking at what others have said, I think it's unfair to explicitly say someone doesn't love someone else. You don't know them and you aren't them. You may have a good guess that they aren't in love due to your own experiences, and you may as well be right, but it wouldn't be a fact until it fell apart. EDIT: Changed my mind for the most part. Post edited. On a side note, I don't believe opposites attract, really. I think that just leads to inevitable fighting. You have to have some kind of connection in order to make it work. Edited by Pyrus, Feb 17 2012, 01:19 AM.
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| + Byakko | Feb 16 2012, 09:47 PM Post #9 |
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I once gave a Kangaroo a heart-attack just by staring at it
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I disagree. I wouldn't say love is temporary. Surely, if you both work to keep it so, it'll be there. It might change form, but your significant other should be your escape from everyday, not the everyday, even when living with them. You both have to make compromises, but nothing worth having comes easy. I also think something that deep and emotional is very easy to break. People are fragile. I'm at my most vulnerable with my girlfriend. It's tough letting somebody get that close, and almost everybody has been in a situation where that trust has been broken - whether intentionally or not. That's why it's important not to idolize your partner. |
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GFX Portfolio Tumblr DeviantArt Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'" | |
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| + Pelador | Feb 17 2012, 12:14 AM Post #10 |
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Crazy Awesome Legend
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But there are two kinds of love. One of them is temporary. The other is pretty much unbreakable. Even if circumstances warrant a divorce it can still be there. Of course it's pretty difficult to tell which is which unless you've been living with somebody for a few months. Then the cracks can show. |
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| SirParagon | Feb 17 2012, 12:17 AM Post #11 |
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Sparking!
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Not really two types of love, just love and lust. The difference is quite apparent if the definition of both are clear. |
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New Account: Spirit Metaphor Voluntarism? | |
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| + Pelador | Feb 17 2012, 12:35 AM Post #12 |
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Crazy Awesome Legend
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I kind of disagree with that. I think the initial feelings we have of love for someone are quite different from feelings of lust, but it still doesn't count as the real thing.
Edited by Pelador, Feb 17 2012, 12:35 AM.
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Feb 17 2012, 01:41 AM Post #13 |
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I'm going to have to disagree for the most part. Living together is not always a prerequisite to love. I've known far too many long-lasting couples who moved in together when they got married to ever believe that that is always the case. Love is a complicated thing; it is different for everyone. If you truly do fall in love with someone (and you know that you are in love), it isn't going to be perfect, and every relationship has struggles that will constantly need to be worked out. That is one reason that I don't believe in divorce unless there is adultery or true feelings of misery. Any argument or disagreement should be worked out if you've made a lifetime commitment to a person, no matter how your feelings may change. People are constantly changing. Your significant other will not be the same ten years down the line as they were in the beginning, and if you truly love them, you must adapt to that. Sorry... I kind of went off on a tangent. 
If love is still there, you don't need a divorce (like I said above). I also don't think that living with somebody for a few months will do much of anything. You can get the same experience by spending days together, and maybe staying a few nights. |
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| + Pelador | Feb 17 2012, 04:21 AM Post #14 |
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Crazy Awesome Legend
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No you can't. Living with somebody is a whole different ball game. There are a whole load of issues which only crop up in that situation. Things that really test the metal of a relationship. And I don't think love is different for evryone. I think it's exactly the same. People always describe the same symptoms and the same problems. Sometimes they may have different ways of expressing it or explaining it. But at the end of the day it's the same old emotion. You're right about people changing though. That's why living with somebody for an extended period of time is a good way to find out if it's for real or not. Because as you said, if it is real then most issues won't or shouldn't ruin the relationship. You have enough faith and commitment to each other to get through it. Edited by Pelador, Feb 17 2012, 04:21 AM.
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| Krystal | Feb 21 2012, 04:26 AM Post #15 |
Cooking Mama
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 I love this triangle. I think it's actually a great representation of the sentiments in this thread. Romantic: A summer fling maybe. Lots of liking and sex, but commitment may be lacking. Like a lot of today's young love. Fatuous Love: This is sex and commitment, but very little intimacy. This is probably most like an arranged marriage or a relationship of convenience. Like...the spark is gone, but you still go though the motions. Companionate: This is when you love the person and are committed to them, but there's no sex. This could be like a dating couple who abstains until marriage, or an older couple who just doesn't have sex anymore. Consummate love: EVERYTHING. Edited by Krystal, Feb 21 2012, 04:30 AM.
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