| We hope you enjoy your visit to this forum. If you are reading this then it means you are currently browsing the forum as a guest, we don’t limit any of the content posted from guests however if you join, you will have the ability to join the discussions! We are always happy to see new faces at this forum and we would like to hear your opinion, so why not register now? It doesn’t take long and you can get posting right away. Click here to Register! If you are having difficulties validating your account please email us at admin@dbzf.co.uk If you're already a member please log in to your account: |
| Dragon ball Hoshi; IK its a fake show but i wrote this for fun more to come thew out gt and the ending of db sorry:( | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 13 2011, 02:47 AM (2,907 Views) | |
| TeamPowerPole | Sep 13 2011, 02:47 AM Post #1 |
![]()
|
Chapter 1 Spoiler: click to toggle Sorry it was short please comment thank you. Chapter 2 Enjoy Spoiler: click to toggle Comment Thank you for reading! Edited by TeamPowerPole, Sep 18 2011, 04:28 AM.
|
![]() |
|
| Niels | Sep 15 2011, 02:58 PM Post #2 |
![]()
|
Well the idea is certainly interesting and something I bet we've all fantasized about once before I have a bit of constructive criticism though, if I may be so bold. If I may not, then just ignore my post haha.First thing I noticed is that you don't use a lot of interpunction. You use questionsmarks and a few exclamation marks and a dot here or there to end a sentence. You don't really use comma's and such though. What is also prefer myself, is when people use quote marks, when somebody is talking, so for example. "Where did this come from?" Hoshi asked himself out loud. Or "Hello who is this?" A mysterious voice said. Hoshi got a bit scared and looked around to see where the voice was coming form. "My name is Hoshi... who are you?" Hoshi asked weary, almost terrified. See what I mean? It reads a lot easier than putting somebody his or her name and then putting :'s, which makes it feel more like a screenplay than fanfiction. Besides that, I did enjoy reading it even though, as you said yourself, it was quite short. Keep on writing, try to be creative with your words and if you feel that you're having trouble expressing yourself, try looking up an online dictionary to look up the things you want to write. Good luck! |
![]() |
|
| TeamPowerPole | Sep 17 2011, 11:57 PM Post #3 |
![]()
|
Thank you For telling me this chapter 2 will be longer and better I was just having fun with it but chapter 2 is coming soon so look out for it!
|
![]() |
|
| + Havoc_Wreaker | Sep 18 2011, 02:18 AM Post #4 |
|
Popcorn
![]()
|
hmmmmmm not bad each chap needs to be longer but its still good not amazing but good need a little work though |
| |
![]() |
|
| TeamPowerPole | Sep 18 2011, 04:27 AM Post #5 |
![]()
|
thanks and working on it |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
![]() Our users say it best: "Zetaboards is the best forum service I have ever used." |
|
| « Previous Topic · Dragon Ball Fanfic Zone · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
4:23 PM Jul 13
|
Theme Designed by McKee91
Powered by ZetaBoards Premium · Privacy Policy







I have a bit of constructive criticism though, if I may be so bold. If I may not, then just ignore my post haha.
but chapter 2 is coming soon so look out for it!



4:23 PM Jul 13