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I feel like I'm gonna be alone forever
Topic Started: Jul 15 2011, 04:19 AM (1,650 Views)
+ Pelador
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Crazy Awesome Legend

Feeling pretty low right now. I've been thinking about how literally everyone I've met looks at me and treats me. For some reason it seems like I'm always an outsider looking in when I'm in a room with people. Sometimes I feel completely invisible. Maybe it's my body language? For example at a college open day the other day we had to do an activity where we introduced ourselves and learn names.

We had to stand in a circle and call each other's names then swap places with them. Nobody called my name. It's like I wasn't even there.

Whenever I'm interested in girls it's always "oh I just wanna be friends" and then they look embarrassed like they've just been approached by some disgusting freak. which is exactly what I am by the way. How many girls have I asked out in my entire 21 year life span? At least 7. 7 girls, none of whom were interested. I'm just a joke who people laugh at when I leave the room. I even hear my mother laughing about me to her friends sometimes when she's on the phone. My own mother think's I'm a joke. I don't know whether I give off a certain vibe or if I have bad genese which people can somehow pick up on or what. I just seem to be completely unattractive.

It makes me feel very sad when I think that I'm only likeable as a friend. That there's something wrong with me that I can't see but other people can. Yes I know I'm being very negative but frankly I think I have every right to be. I'm an agrophobic, paranoid, autistic, tourrettes pervert. I see things which aren't really there. I say things I shouldn't. I'm a pretty useless human being really. So it wouldn't surprise me if I never met anyone who liked as more than just a friend. I should just end it all now and save myself any future dispair. It's not like anyone would care anyway. I'm nothing. Just a fat waste of space who can't even take a pizza out of the oven without dropping it on the floor. I don't want your pity. I don't want you to patronise me. I just want you all to see that I existed and that actually I did have feelings. I was a real human being but was treated like a dog. So I occasionally amused you and stopped you being bored. No more than a loveable pet. Not even a distant cousin.

I don't know if I have enough self esteem left to carry on. We shall see how selfish I become. Some of you may realise what I mean by that. I bet people would barely shed a tear. Life goes on, my body is recycled into the Earth and then that would be my only purpose in life. Because I'm certainly not going to meet anyone who isn't repulsed by me. I'm just an embarrassment.


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Seruphim
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Cell's Angel

I'm going to say that a lot of how people perceive is you is based on how you think of yourself. I know people see it everywhere on cheesy signs and posters, but attitude really does change a lot.

Other than that, I enjoy talking with you and making perverted jokes and am actually sad when you're not there to share in a perverted joke. Even if it's an online relationship and not in person I do enjoy your company. And I'm not just saying that.
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Temphis
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Rampaging Explosion of Euphoric Glory!

dude, your online persona is pretty awesome, so I would definately be upset if you weren't around anymore. that aside, alot of people on here, including myself, actually care about your well being as a person, so don't cut yourself short. If people like me think your cool just from talking to you on a forum, well all that coolness is coming from you, so you got plenty of aspects people would admire. if any, it's how blunt you are about your feelings, thats called being able to communicate, something every healthy relationship needs, and something a lot of guys can't do. your already ahead there. It sounds like all your missing is self confidence to really make it shine.

People will like you for being true to yourself, not everyone will, but your not trying to make everyone like you I hope, cause that would be impossible. Even popular people aren't liked by everyone, and if it seems like they are, it's only cause a lot of people pretend to like them, while in reality they are envious or just putting up a facade to fit into a social net. all that matters, is knowing that there will always be people that will like you, if not love you, just for being who you are, and don't ever forget that bro. you just gotta like who you are, so that you can express it to others without any insicurities.

most important, don't get in the mind set that you need a relationship. they are not always the ticket to joy, they don't always make everything better, and they don't work for everyone. in fact, if they aren't done right, they suck more than being single. you need to be confident with yourself, and just having friends if thats what it comes down too. that aside, I'm sure there is a girl who could love you, plenty of them, but you don't need to rush that, just let people know you care about them, and they will return the feeling.

ultimately, you need the kind of confidence that will make you feel proud of who you are, whether or not others accept you, cause only then, are you truley gonna be able to feel good no mater what happens, ya know. just don't go talking about "not being able to carry on", thats something you shouldn't be thinking, you should be getting back up, anylizing what you want to do better, and be setting some goals man!
Edited by Temphis, Jul 15 2011, 06:34 AM.
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* Mitas
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption

I hope I'm wrong, but I got the impression that you are considering suicide: Don't do that. It is never the right answer. You say that nobody will miss you, but that is not true. I've met your family, and despite it only being once, I would say that they care about you very much and would be devestated by it.
Also, the girl Rebecca (I think that's her name, the one who got into Cambridge) is somebody who from what you've said clearly cares a lot about you.
And then there's us here at the forum who despite being only online friends care about you, enjoy your company and would miss you if you weren't here.

You are not a joke of a human. Everybody has flaws, or percieved flaws. I had a lot of fun talking with you in school, in History class with Liam, so I hope you believe me when I say you're a fun, funny guy to hang around with.
Also, everybody judges everybody. If it's not about how you look, it's about what you wear. Or what you're interested in. Or who you hang around with. Or what your job is. The only thing that matters is how you percieve yourself. If you don't like parts of yourself, then change them. If you like who you are, then screw everyone else and be comfortable in your own skin. Once that happens, people will naturally gravitate to you because of who you are.

As for the relationship problem, I won't talk about myself too much but I'm also in a position where I would like a girlfriend but can't seem to get one. All I will say is that in my experience there is somebody out there for everyone (I don't know how many times I've seen couples where I think "wow, they don't look like they fit together" or "she's way out of his league") so no matter how bad you feel about yourself, there's alwas somebody out there. It's just harder for some people to find that person (myself included, and many people across the world).

My advice would be to become comfortable with who you are without a girlfriend. Appreciate your family and friends, relationships that are already there, instead of yearning after one that doesn't yet exist. Once you are happy (which is easier said than done, but achievable) then you will give off a different aura to people and it will become easier to find somebody to share your life with.
Edited by Mitas, Jul 15 2011, 10:32 AM.
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time."
"Next time?"
"Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is."
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Tim
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Forum Royalty

As a lot of people have already said I also care about you as a person. You are a lot of fun to chat to and times and are someone who is well and truly apart of our little 'family' here :)

In the past you've annoyed me, but then again most people do at times :p But at other times you really make comments that make me stop and think and I respect you for that. You make your jokes and stuff which is great and you also have that serious side which is just as good. While your joking sometimes goes a little far for the forum I personally still quite enjoy it and laugh as clearly others do too xD

Relationship wise I can see where you are coming from, it does suck, in my entire life (20.5 years) i've never gone on a date. It's not easy and times and you can get lonely but it really does help to look around and see those people who do care about you and count you as their friends. I at least very highly value all my friends online, including everyone here, and I think we all enjoy chatting with each other and you.

I'm honestly of the opinion that everyone is capable of finding someone special even if it does take a while so i'm sure you'll end up happy in the end :)

Thought i'd give you my honest opinion on you :p

Cheers,

Tim <3
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Sam
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It takes a mere second for treasure to turn to trash.

I can add no more to the chorus that has been echoed here for you, Pelador, just know that we really do enjoy your company. I myself was a hopeless, unloved, fat freak in Middle School that was horrendously bullied and had many numerous social/anxiety related problems. Small tics, really weird mannerisms, the whole nine yards. I'm not autistic, but, I think sometimes I acted like it.

Yet, where I'm now, I'm really happy. I still can't get a girlfriend. But, I have a good life. Keep moving forward. That's all I have to say.
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Strawberry
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Chiaroscuro ♥

I was going to make a huge post here but I'd be repeating everything Mitas said!

Read his post carefully, because that's exactly what I wanted to say to you.

I hope you were just having a bad day. You'll wake up today feeling a lot better, hopefully.

Just know that you are special to us and we care for you and your happiness.

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Across The Universe
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+ Pelador
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Crazy Awesome Legend

I'm slightly overwhelmed by all your comments. I had no idea that you all thought that way about me. When I woke up this morning I felt really low again but then I come on here and see how you're all supporting me and it changes everything. The things you've all said have made my day. Thank you all very much. I'm so glad I've got friends like you to support me when I start to waver and pick me up when I fall. It means so much to me to know people care.


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Strawberry
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Chiaroscuro ♥

Glad to hear our comments helped cheering you up! ;)

We all go through times when we feel down, lost, unprotected, alone and nothing seems to make sense. It's important to not let those negative thoughts take over though. You need to like you for who you are and work on your self esteem to be able to pick yourself up whenever you feel down again.

Ana said this to me not long ago:

"Only rainbows after rain!"

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Mc Esse
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Your young, just take it easy a little. Dont worry soon youll be going to college and youll have a little more freedom in your life.
Edited by Nousen Fiximonji, Jul 16 2011, 01:48 AM.
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+ Steve
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Greetings. I will be your waifu this season.

I get exactly how you feel Pelador, annoying to say the least

Just remember people care about you here :) I didn't realise how people thought about me either lol
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Definitely not a succubus, fear not
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MeestaSatan
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Learn to be more at peace with who you are, rather than who you want to be. Easier said than done I know, but try it. If your more relaxed with yourself then you will seem a lot more approachable. Not knowing you I can't say for certain, but it seems like a self-esteem issue, something I had problems with for years.

Oh and a hint, if you want to have more relaxed social interactions with people (girls included), learn to make people laugh. It makes you feel more able to cope with large groups of people... also chicks dig it. Just a suggestion.
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Spirit
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So Lonely

Pelador
Jul 15 2011, 04:19 AM
Feeling pretty low right now. I've been thinking about how literally everyone I've met looks at me and treats me. For some reason it seems like I'm always an outsider looking in when I'm in a room with people. Sometimes I feel completely invisible. Maybe it's my body language? For example at a college open day the other day we had to do an activity where we introduced ourselves and learn names.

We had to stand in a circle and call each other's names then swap places with them. Nobody called my name. It's like I wasn't even there.

Whenever I'm interested in girls it's always "oh I just wanna be friends" and then they look embarrassed like they've just been approached by some disgusting freak. which is exactly what I am by the way. How many girls have I asked out in my entire 21 year life span? At least 7. 7 girls, none of whom were interested. I'm just a joke who people laugh at when I leave the room. I even hear my mother laughing about me to her friends sometimes when she's on the phone. My own mother think's I'm a joke. I don't know whether I give off a certain vibe or if I have bad genese which people can somehow pick up on or what. I just seem to be completely unattractive.

It makes me feel very sad when I think that I'm only likeable as a friend. That there's something wrong with me that I can't see but other people can. Yes I know I'm being very negative but frankly I think I have every right to be. I'm an agrophobic, paranoid, autistic, tourrettes pervert. I see things which aren't really there. I say things I shouldn't. I'm a pretty useless human being really. So it wouldn't surprise me if I never met anyone who liked as more than just a friend. I should just end it all now and save myself any future dispair. It's not like anyone would care anyway. I'm nothing. Just a fat waste of space who can't even take a pizza out of the oven without dropping it on the floor. I don't want your pity. I don't want you to patronise me. I just want you all to see that I existed and that actually I did have feelings. I was a real human being but was treated like a dog. So I occasionally amused you and stopped you being bored. No more than a loveable pet. Not even a distant cousin.

I don't know if I have enough self esteem left to carry on. We shall see how selfish I become. Some of you may realise what I mean by that. I bet people would barely shed a tear. Life goes on, my body is recycled into the Earth and then that would be my only purpose in life. Because I'm certainly not going to meet anyone who isn't repulsed by me. I'm just an embarrassment.
Wow. There's a lot of depth to this.

All I want to say is that your not useless.


P.S Most girls are like that :) They don't want to jump into relationships like guys do.

Peace Pelador!
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I don't care about this forum but I can't stop coming!
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Jimmeh
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Im rather new to this forum and i dont know you, but i can relate to some of your problems. I come from a poor family, my mum and dad used to live together untill i was about 10, when they split my mum took all our money and ran off with another guy. Up untill a few years ago my life was a living hell, i often had thoughts that scare me to think of them now.
I was constantly bullied and got into fights nearly every week at primary school, my only friends were a bunch of kids 3 years younger than me. When i went to high school, it was the same story for about 2 years, then i stopped caring what people thought about me, i stopped caring if people laughed at my clumsiness or my "wierdness", and i eventually met some awesome dude's who are now my best friends, and have been for many years. I met a girl called georgia, it didnt last but since then ive had 2 other girlfriends, i go to party's regularly and i have alot of friends i really get along with, im no longer considered a "wierd kid" or "outcast", im just one of the boys.

What im trying to say is that, dont give up on yourself like that, i thought i was a freak and would never be happy then all of a sudden things started turning around.
Things will sort themself out in time, just live your life and be happy. (and watch DBZ :D )

:)
Edited by Jimmeh, Aug 14 2011, 07:05 AM.
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