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Cage of My Mind
Topic Started: Jan 25 2010, 08:54 PM (311 Views)
+ Byakko
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I once gave a Kangaroo a heart-attack just by staring at it

Nice guys finish last
In the race against the world
Unfair but not untrue
It's a law of nature

Never been one for rules
Etiquette's got no love for me
If anything, be unique
Open your eyes and see

Send my condolences to love
Will I be missed while away?
I hope so, but y'know
Tomorrow's just another day

Living inside a cage of my mind
Wanting out, wanting out
Trapped inside a cage of my mind
Needing out, needing out
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Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'"
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Tim
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Wow Mike! That's really well written and has such meaning as well.

Another great piece of work :)

~Tim
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* Sousen Ichimonji
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You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold

Byakko
 
Send my condolences to love

That line seems more or less lifted from Human by the Killers...

Byakko
 
Never been one for rules
Etiquette's got no love for me
If anything, be unique
Open your eyes and see

That verse is quite cool.

Overall, I don't really like how this flows, or the very unoriginal style, but it seems to have some emotion behind it which is always a plus. 4/10.
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Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

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+ Byakko
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I once gave a Kangaroo a heart-attack just by staring at it

Yeah it was, but changed a little, see?

Meh, I don't mind anyways, I was listening to Human and the line stuck in my head, lol.

Thanks, Tim :)
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Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'"
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Tim
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In contrast I actually really like how it flows. I agree that verse is good but I actually like most of them, not to certain about the third stanza though.

I'd rate it 7/10 :)

~Tim
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Tim
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Just saw we posted at the same time. Such skillz!!

But yeah I actually showed it to a friend on facebook just now as we were discussing Nice Guys, joined the group and all that. Very impressed. Thinks it's really good :) Gave you the credit though ;)

~Tim
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Pookie
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Pookie Powa!

It's a good poem. I have to agree with Sousen and say it doesn't flow as well as your other ones. It still has a deep meaning though, which is nice. Good work on it I like to see more from you.
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