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| Cage of My Mind | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 25 2010, 08:54 PM (311 Views) | |
| + Byakko | Jan 25 2010, 08:54 PM Post #1 |
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I once gave a Kangaroo a heart-attack just by staring at it
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Nice guys finish last In the race against the world Unfair but not untrue It's a law of nature Never been one for rules Etiquette's got no love for me If anything, be unique Open your eyes and see Send my condolences to love Will I be missed while away? I hope so, but y'know Tomorrow's just another day Living inside a cage of my mind Wanting out, wanting out Trapped inside a cage of my mind Needing out, needing out |
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GFX Portfolio Tumblr DeviantArt ![]() Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'" | |
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| Tim | Jan 25 2010, 09:58 PM Post #2 |
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Forum Royalty
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Wow Mike! That's really well written and has such meaning as well. Another great piece of work ![]() ~Tim |
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| * Sousen Ichimonji | Jan 25 2010, 10:15 PM Post #3 |
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You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold
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That line seems more or less lifted from Human by the Killers...
That verse is quite cool. Overall, I don't really like how this flows, or the very unoriginal style, but it seems to have some emotion behind it which is always a plus. 4/10. |
![]() Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget | |
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| + Byakko | Jan 25 2010, 10:56 PM Post #4 |
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I once gave a Kangaroo a heart-attack just by staring at it
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Yeah it was, but changed a little, see? Meh, I don't mind anyways, I was listening to Human and the line stuck in my head, lol. Thanks, Tim
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GFX Portfolio Tumblr DeviantArt ![]() Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'" | |
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| Tim | Jan 25 2010, 10:56 PM Post #5 |
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Forum Royalty
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In contrast I actually really like how it flows. I agree that verse is good but I actually like most of them, not to certain about the third stanza though. I'd rate it 7/10 ![]() ~Tim |
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| Tim | Jan 29 2010, 12:02 PM Post #6 |
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Just saw we posted at the same time. Such skillz!! But yeah I actually showed it to a friend on facebook just now as we were discussing Nice Guys, joined the group and all that. Very impressed. Thinks it's really good Gave you the credit though ![]() ~Tim |
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| Pookie | Jan 29 2010, 06:34 PM Post #7 |
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Pookie Powa!
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It's a good poem. I have to agree with Sousen and say it doesn't flow as well as your other ones. It still has a deep meaning though, which is nice. Good work on it I like to see more from you. |
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