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- My ex friends recently told me she was gay and another pregnant
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| My ex friends recently told me she was gay and another pregnant | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 15 2009, 05:45 AM (823 Views) | |
| Pookie | Dec 15 2009, 05:45 AM Post #1 |
Pookie Powa!
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Here is the story. Don't judge me on this because it was very hard for me to deal with. When I was a sophomore in High School, we met each other on the soccer field. We would talk to each other about everything especially about how bad the coach was for being political. After that moment, we became close friends throughout the High School career. We were good friends in college too. I always thought my one friend was into men because she'd talk about them 24/7. She even started dating men throughout her high school career. The other friend had "friends with benefits" relationships. I didn't agree with her methods at all so I wasn't much of her friend. Then, after awhile, my friend started to change. She would go out and party. She would never invite me to go or anything like that. I started to think she took me for granted. So one day I confronted her on Christmas about how she treated me like I wasn't a friend or only talked to me when it was convenient for her. She told me she didn't hang out with me as much because didn't drink or wasn't as outgoing as her. After that moment, we stopped talking for a whole year. A few days ago she messaged me on MSN. I was surprised at first, but then she told me she was Gay. What a moment to tell me she was Gay.  Before I give my opinion about how I felt, I'll finish the story. She invited me to her friends baby shower. Yes, the same one that had "friends with benefits" relationships. She was pregnant. It didn't surprise me that she had become pregnant. I said I would go, but then I decided not to. I didn't call them or anything to tell them that I wasn't going because I was so mad and frustrated. It was then that I gave them the title "ex" friends. Now I know I'm supposed to be forgiving and accept my friends mistakes, but I'm not. Why did she wait so long to tell me she was Gay? The whole time she lied to me. The whole freakin time she made me believe that she liked guys. I'm religious and I know it. I'm a nice person too, but how can someone that is Gay (not all do it) wait so long to say the truth. I told her I would accept that she is gay, but I didn't accept the fact that she lied to me for so long. Also, the friend that was pregnant, well I knew that it was coming. I didn't go to her baby shower because I don't agree with what she did. Her baby is going to be fatherless and know that her mother slept around. Is that the way she wants her baby to grow up? I mean couldn't she have been more responsible? I don't know. I'm not going to be friends with people that lie and do inappropriate things. Well that's how I feel. |
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| Tim | Dec 15 2009, 06:17 AM Post #2 |
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I can definitely see why you feel the way you do. And to be honest I don't blame you. One thing I would like to add though is that is could well be that she didn't know or was unsure of her sexuality until recently. Homosexuality is not something which people are aware of instantly and can often be just as much of a shock for them as it is for you. I am not in any way condoning her actions as I do believe she was being rude, but I do not think it is necessarily fair to say she lied about being gay. I have a friend who dated girls, the whole thing and then discovered that they were gay. Sometimes people find it hard to come to terms with themselves and as such may not classify themselves as 'gay' until they have accepted it themselves. I do think it was strange how sudden she dropped this on you but if she has just come to terms with it she may have been seeking support and confirmation that she is allowed to make such a choose and wanted you to help reaffirm her choices... While i'm aware I obviously do not have as much personal knowledge about this situation as you, I do have a few gay friends who I have talked to in the past and thought I would share them with you. Don't know if this will help you deal with or not but yeah... :S ~Tim Edited by Tim, Dec 15 2009, 06:17 AM.
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| Temphis | Dec 15 2009, 06:53 PM Post #3 |
Rampaging Explosion of Euphoric Glory!
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do you know if she had feelings for you? if so, she might have felt awkward about sharing it with you or that she was gay. also, she might have actually respected that you didn't drink so much that when she started getting pulled into a party like lifestyle, she didn't want you to get involved. those are just some thoughts though. if I were you, I would forgive here, but if you don't feel like she is a good friend than if she wants to be your friend, give her some chances to earn your trust, and if she doesn't seem like a good friend, than you'll both go your own ways over time and that'll be that. sometimes friends drift apart, I have always had a hard time excepting that, because I never change, but I've had to face it in recent years. either way, things will work out, just don't let someone elses actions, or things that happened in the past because of miscomunication or lack of understanding prevent you from being happy now, since those things are over and done with. I feel that usually, people are making decissions based on what they know concerning it, so if she didn't know how to tell the truth, I wouldn't let it effect you now that she's making an effort to contact you. so who knows, maybe she's still a potential friend, but she needs to respect your feelings too. you can always treat her as a social aquantince either way, but I don't think you need to worry yourself too much about it. just do what you feel is in your own best interest, things will work out in the end. Edited by Temphis, Dec 15 2009, 08:07 PM.
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| Rockman | Dec 15 2009, 06:57 PM Post #4 |
hoighty-toighty
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You have every right not to be friends with people you don't approve of. You don't need a reason to do so. You shouldn't feel bad either. There are people in the world that I don't approve of, that I'm not friends with because they do certain things that I think are dumb. I can't judge you, or your actions in the post. I think you did what was right for your situation. |
 JAke is a copyright of Spazo and Pickle Flavored Fudge Pops inc. | |
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| * Bex | Dec 15 2009, 07:11 PM Post #5 |
★ Bextreme Dream ★
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You know where I stand on the having kids spectrum as it were as we've had similar conversations in the past Ana, however I don't blame you for not wanting to go to that friend's baby shower. You didn't care much for her lifestyle and that kind of thing turns you off of spending time with that kind of person so she isn't really a friend. But your gay friend I think may deserve some slack. Although society is more accepting of homosexuality these days, it still isn't entirely accepting, especially in the eyes of the older generation I think. Perhaps your gay friend was afraid to tell people about her sexuality because she felt as if she would be excluded and treated differently by her friends and maybe even her family. Heterosexuality is still considered to be the norm which is why I think you believed your friend to be into guys. It might also be the fact that you believe in conventional relationships between a man and a woman, not to say that you arent accepting of homosexuals, but you personally don't understand the frame of mind your friend might have now. I know that I'm not in your position, but I do think that she could be cut a bit of slack. It don't think it must have been easy for her to come out so it were, with her friends thinking that she wasnt gay and you shouldnt be angry with her for being a liar, because theres nothing to say that she even knew she was gay to begin with. Perhaps you should talk to her about it. It might have been very difficult for her to tell you something like that in the first place without you getting upset with her as well. If you had a word with her you might learn whats been going on all this time and you could get your friend back. |
..:: Prepare for Trouble ~ | ~ And Make it Double! ::.. ..:: Most Improved GFXer - 2016 ~ | ~ Joint Most Meme-savvy - 2016 ::.. | |
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| Meowth | Dec 15 2009, 07:21 PM Post #6 |
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I'm going to throw something in here about myself, I'm self-absorbed that way. Telling a friend I was transgender was much harder than telling anyone online, I mean, much harder because I actually seem them and do things with them. Of course this friend is a good friend and I've know her for a few years, I knew she'd be accepting but it was still hard to say, it's not something easy to share, dunno about other people but for me it wasn't. Anyway, she was a little shocked but okay with it, no problems. Although her reaction has nothing to do with the whole point I'm making. As other people have said, it's not that easy to tell someone, I'm sure coming out as gay is just as hard and as others have said, it's not obvious for some people at first, takes a while. Now onto the inviting to parties bit, I don't need to add anything here, Temphis said what I was thinking quite nicly on this point, maybe she didn't want to get you involved, a sort of way of protecting you. Some of what Kotetsu said is also valid, you don't need a reason not to be friends with someone. All in all, I just wanted to share my experiance, lol. |
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| Pookie | Dec 16 2009, 01:13 AM Post #7 |
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Pookie Powa!
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Thanks for the feedback everyone. I just didn't like being lied too. She knew I was there for her because I always told her that I would be. Even if she is gay, I'd still find a way to be her friend even if my parents don't approve of it. How long did it take you Kyonko to tell your friend you were transgendered? Did it take you more than 5 years, which is how long it took my friend to say she was Gay. |
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| Meowth | Dec 16 2009, 01:17 AM Post #8 |
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I've had transgender feelings most of my life and I've known this friend for about 7 years, so it's taken me 6 and a bit years, it took me over 12 years to tell my mum. Although admitidly at first, I wasn't sure what I was feeling, I was sure about 4 years ago. |
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| Pookie | Dec 16 2009, 01:21 AM Post #9 |
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Pookie Powa!
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Maybe it is a scary thing to tell someone that you are gay or transgendered. You did a good thing telling them Kyonko and I applaud you for it, but I still don't see why it took her so long to come out especially all the times I told her I'd be there for her. She lied to me about her lifestyle, and it was like as if I didn't know her at all. The whole time she had been acting. |
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| Meowth | Dec 16 2009, 01:42 AM Post #10 |
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My mum said she'd always be there for me, I dunno how she felt when I told her. Anyway, yes she may well have been acting but that's what I was doing for much of my life, acting, it's hard to know how people will react to something that isn't seen as 'normal' in socity, so people act like the normal person so they fit in, till the pressure builds up and they have to tell someone. It's hard for some people to tell others that they are gay, I know someone who goes to an LGBT group I go to that hadn't told his family that he was gay yet because he didn't know what they'd say. He has told them now I think but when he joined the group he hadn't. Takes some people a lot of time and courage to tell someone. If she was going out with boys at the time, she was probably lying to herself as well, trying to trick herself into liking the opposite sex, which clearly didn't work if she told you she was gay. |
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| Tim | Dec 16 2009, 09:27 AM Post #11 |
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Forum Royalty
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Yeah, I agree with a lot that has been said here and I too applaud you Jake for what you did. I agree that it can be hard to tell people. I know that I struggled with accepting that i'm bi-curious... Even now I still feel weird posting it on the net... I told my best friend about it, and that was the hardest thing i've ever done... It did leak a bit due to someone else I told stupidly but so far everyone has reacted well... Though there is still only a very small number who knows the one guy I like... including him which is weird... But he has reacted well and I remain hopeful... Stupid body :P Still haven't told my parents though I think my mum has guessed a bit, I know the guy I like's brother (my friend) guessed the whole thing somehow. But yeah, i was intending to add more to this when I started but I guess I too wanted to share so will add my comments now. I can say that it is easily possibly to be confused about your sexuality, and she may have been worried about your reaction... Even if you know someone won't care it can ruin your life thinking about it until you tell them. But don't think of it as lying for 6 years. She may have only discovered that side of herself in the year since you last spoke... ~Tim [EDIT] That has to have been the hardest post i've done since I got here... 
Edited by Tim, Dec 16 2009, 09:33 AM.
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| Temphis | Dec 16 2009, 02:55 PM Post #12 |
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Rampaging Explosion of Euphoric Glory!
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well, I'm impressed with the two of you for sharing, cause I can't imagine how uncomfortable that must be to talk about. I can imagine the more you talk about it though, the more you will come to terms with it, but still it isn't something anyone would share with a stranger, so you sharing it with us here means to me that you trust us a lot. I really appreciate that you all can be this real with everyone on the forum. Edited by Temphis, Dec 16 2009, 02:56 PM.
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| Pookie | Dec 16 2009, 09:52 PM Post #13 |
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Pookie Powa!
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Well now that you guys told me your side of the story from a similar position I can kind of see why she didn't tell me. However, it is going to take me time to forgive her. I might not ever trust her as I did before though. There might be more secrets she is hiding from me. We might not ever be friends again because of the things we've said, but at least I understand her side a little more to not be as angry with her. |
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| SlyStrife | Dec 17 2009, 03:09 AM Post #14 |
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I can relate to you very much actually. One of my best friends (a guy) came out of the closet a couple of years ago, and it was a pretty big shock. About a few years before he came out my friends and I noticed a lot of feminine characteristics starting to surface in his personality which we just dismissed.. as there are plenty of straight guys who are like that. The way he came out was pretty shocking too, but I won't say out of respect for the person. My friend probably discovered himself recently, so it's something similar to what Tim said. Sometimes even though you know the person you're confiding in will accept you no matter what your preferences are, it's still hard to just spit it out. |
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| Tim | Dec 17 2009, 05:59 AM Post #15 |
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Forum Royalty
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Yeah, pretty much, except minus the feminine features bit, and that i'm not actually 'out' :P Don't even know if i'd count it as in  But yeah, the friends of mine which know are fine about it, though i've only told a couple about the one guy I like as he hangs out with us and that would just be a little awkward it everyone knew.But thanks for being supportive guys, tbh, I wouldn't have done this any old place. I greatly value your company, albeit it online :P ~Tim, who just realised he topic-hijacked a bit... ^^; But i'm glad you feel that way now AHDS 
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