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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 4 2009, 10:39 AM (329 Views) | |
| * Mitas | Dec 4 2009, 10:39 AM Post #1 |
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption
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Insanity The sky greys, my brain placed in a haze, crazed thoughts infest my head. Unwelcome visitors in a once peaceful place, it is no longer safe, the walls breached, the bricks too weak, overwhelmed. A little dark and depressing but something I wrote when I wasn't feeling too happy. Short as well, but it's part one of two. Also, I didn't think I was insane :P But all creative works are exaggerated and melodramatic. Edited by Mitas, Dec 4 2009, 11:52 AM.
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time." "Next time?" "Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is." | |
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| * Sousen Ichimonji | Dec 4 2009, 11:40 AM Post #2 |
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You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold
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Well, the stanza structure fits the title and mood, so kudos on that. The word choice conveys the mood you may have had at the time, I think, so well done on that too. It's short but effective, and it'll be cool to see part 2. P.S. You mis-spelled breached, and I honestly sat there for about 30 seconds going "How can a wall be beached?" lmao. |
![]() Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget | |
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| * Mitas | Dec 4 2009, 11:53 AM Post #3 |
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption
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Thanks for the feedback and I corrected the typo :P |
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time." "Next time?" "Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is." | |
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Dec 4 2009, 12:37 PM Post #4 |
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Good work, words are felt out good. Good scheme to it. Keep it up Mitas
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| * Mitas | Dec 4 2009, 10:30 PM Post #5 |
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption
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Thanks for the comment SS4, I appreciate the kind words.
Edited by Mitas, Dec 4 2009, 10:31 PM.
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time." "Next time?" "Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is." | |
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| Maikeru | Dec 4 2009, 11:25 PM Post #6 |
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wow nice man 2 thumbs up , i really like the mood to it |
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| * Mitas | Dec 4 2009, 11:37 PM Post #7 |
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption
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Thanks dude, appreciate it
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time." "Next time?" "Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is." | |
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| Maikeru | Dec 5 2009, 01:00 AM Post #8 |
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no problem, maybe you could return the favor by checking out my yoshi sig in show off section
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