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Insanity
Topic Started: Dec 4 2009, 10:39 AM (329 Views)
* Mitas
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption

Insanity

The sky greys,
my brain placed in a haze,
crazed
thoughts infest
my head.

Unwelcome visitors
in a once peaceful place,
it is no longer safe,
the walls breached,
the bricks too weak,
overwhelmed.

A little dark and depressing but something I wrote when I wasn't feeling too happy. Short as well, but it's part one of two.

Also, I didn't think I was insane :P But all creative works are exaggerated and melodramatic.
Edited by Mitas, Dec 4 2009, 11:52 AM.
Posted Image
"Then you've got the chance to do better next time."
"Next time?"
"Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is."
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* Sousen Ichimonji
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You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold

Well, the stanza structure fits the title and mood, so kudos on that. The word choice conveys the mood you may have had at the time, I think, so well done on that too.
It's short but effective, and it'll be cool to see part 2.

P.S. You mis-spelled breached, and I honestly sat there for about 30 seconds going "How can a wall be beached?" lmao.
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Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

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* Mitas
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption

Thanks for the feedback and I corrected the typo :P
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time."
"Next time?"
"Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is."
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Frankie
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Good work, words are felt out good. Good scheme to it. Keep it up Mitas :)
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* Mitas
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption

Thanks for the comment SS4, I appreciate the kind words.
Edited by Mitas, Dec 4 2009, 10:31 PM.
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time."
"Next time?"
"Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is."
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Maikeru
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wow nice man 2 thumbs up , i really like the mood to it
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* Mitas
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption

Thanks dude, appreciate it :)
Posted Image
"Then you've got the chance to do better next time."
"Next time?"
"Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is."
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Maikeru
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Mitas
Dec 4 2009, 11:37 PM
Thanks dude, appreciate it :)
no problem, maybe you could return the favor by checking out my yoshi sig in show off section :)
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