Come See The Lights

We hope you enjoy your visit to this forum.

If you are reading this then it means you are currently browsing the forum as a guest, we don’t limit any of the content posted from guests however if you join, you will have the ability to join the discussions! We are always happy to see new faces at this forum and we would like to hear your opinion, so why not register now? It doesn’t take long and you can get posting right away.

Click here to Register!

If you're already a member please log in to your account:

Come See The Lights
Topic Started: Nov 27 2009, 09:36 PM (87 Views)
+ Byakko	Nov 27 2009, 09:36 PM Post #1
Operor Vel Non Operor Posts: 8,848 Group: Legend Member #158 Joined: February 7, 2005 Favourite Anime Naruto Shippuuden What Browser do you use? Opera 9.6 Favourite Manga Fullmetal Alchemist	I went to the place Where the trees shine with stars Where the Music plays Where our souls lack scars But where were you, when that woefully happy tune Came crashing down, spinning around And even lit up the moon? Amy, come see the lights That shine through the night And give such delight That sends me to insanity Edited by Byakko, Nov 28 2009, 12:03 AM.
	"Freedom Lies In Being Bold"


Mitas	Nov 27 2009, 11:37 PM Post #2
Subject To Change Posts: 3,111 Group: Super Moderator Member #2,993 Joined: December 16, 2007 Favourite Anime DBZ What Browser do you use? Internet Explorer Favourite Manga DBZ	I'm not feeling much flow to the song. It might be the lack of a rhyming scheme, or any techniques (alliteration, assonance etc) to be honest. There are areas where it does start to flow well, but then it stutters again. I do like theidea though, it's a good theme and there's some potential in there, just needs a little work.
	I'm no longer sig-less thanks to AngelicHottieDS! "To appreciate the very good, you must experience the very bad." "You should be ok just being you, working your job and being happy." - Lupe Fiasco.


+ Byakko	Nov 28 2009, 12:03 AM Post #3
Operor Vel Non Operor Posts: 8,848 Group: Legend Member #158 Joined: February 7, 2005 Favourite Anime Naruto Shippuuden What Browser do you use? Opera 9.6 Favourite Manga Fullmetal Alchemist	Alright dude, thanks, what do you think of it now?
	"Freedom Lies In Being Bold"


Strawberry	Nov 28 2009, 02:17 AM Post #4
Chiaroscuro Posts: 7,816 Group: Rock Princess Member #1,750 Joined: September 24, 2006	I loved it! It's so sweet that this was inspired by the christmas lights... Good job.
	If you cry, you'll rust. {Wizard of Oz}


Timmooo	Nov 28 2009, 10:36 AM Post #5
Posts: 952 Group: Administrator Member #4,562 Joined: November 1, 2009 Favourite Anime Dragonball, and many others What Browser do you use? Firefox and Safari Favourite Manga Tsubasa, and many others	I think that sounds really cool, at least in my head, and I like how it flows on nicely. Great job Rep point +1 ~Tim
	Thanks to AHDS for the sig!


Mitas	Nov 28 2009, 11:57 AM Post #6
Subject To Change Posts: 3,111 Group: Super Moderator Member #2,993 Joined: December 16, 2007 Favourite Anime DBZ What Browser do you use? Internet Explorer Favourite Manga DBZ	That's much better man. I love the first stanza, beautifully written. I also love the last stanza where 'insanity' doesn't follow the rhyme scheme. Awesome job.
	I'm no longer sig-less thanks to AngelicHottieDS! "To appreciate the very good, you must experience the very bad." "You should be ok just being you, working your job and being happy." - Lupe Fiasco.


*Rebel X*	Nov 28 2009, 07:28 PM Post #7
Posts: 5,561 Group: Shadow Rep Member #88 Joined: January 16, 2005	This is pretty sweet & simple, inspired by an even brighter subject. Nice Job mike.
	I am the light of darkness Thanks to + Light for the sig and avatar


1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)


« Previous Topic · Writing · Next Topic »

Affiliates