The World and Love

We hope you enjoy your visit to this forum.

If you are reading this then it means you are currently browsing the forum as a guest, we don’t limit any of the content posted from guests however if you join, you will have the ability to join the discussions! We are always happy to see new faces at this forum and we would like to hear your opinion, so why not register now? It doesn’t take long and you can get posting right away.

Click here to Register!

If you're already a member please log in to your account:

The World and Love
Topic Started: Nov 20 2009, 11:26 PM (50 Views)
*Rebel X*	Nov 20 2009, 11:26 PM Post #1
Posts: 5,561 Group: Shadow Rep Member #88 Joined: January 16, 2005	She was in college, age twenty-two Didn’t have the experience to know what to do She couldn’t pick any major of worth. She had the passion and stride to go forth. A boy in the same boat, age twenty-two Met the girl and had nothing better to do. So later they got married and went from single to two. Both moved away in silence but left with an empty path too. She learned more science as he learned more design. Love brought them together and made the bond pure. No matter the obstacle, they would live together in bliss. Society would no longer chain them down but bring ecstasy. An epiphany occurred; they would create the idea to save the world Spreading the word, they worked like dogs, long nights and hard days. Day of divulgence came and so did the proud people. Presidents, politicians, pagans, puritans, preeminent, and poor came. Little did they know she was an assassin He was cold-blooded, but they both loved. People said they were brainiacs But turns out they were pyromaniacs The world burned with Love that night. She and He burned holding hands and loving one another. Please, I'd really like and appreciate some critical criticism or comments. Edited by Rebel X, Nov 21 2009, 02:56 AM.
	I am the light of darkness Thanks to + Light for the sig and avatar


Strawberry	Nov 21 2009, 08:27 PM Post #2
Chiaroscuro Posts: 7,816 Group: Rock Princess Member #1,750 Joined: September 24, 2006	This piece is very interesting, Rebel. I particularly liked the last part, it gave a dramatic twist to the story. I'd say the first verses describing their backgrounds were a bit too literal though, which took away the potential poetic vibe of the story. But like I said before, the message is really interesting and it works out nicely in the end. Nice job.
	If you cry, you'll rust. {Wizard of Oz}


*Light*	Nov 22 2009, 12:15 AM Post #3
The world belongs to those of us who still believe we can Posts: 3,536 Group: Shadow Rep Member #2,705 Joined: October 5, 2007 What Browser do you use? FF	Really great piece, I think the narrative is told well, the way they were 'randomly' bought together and that out of boredom became a strong bond. Only for that to be dashed by the ending which was a cool twist.



Mitas	Nov 22 2009, 12:29 AM Post #4
Subject To Change Posts: 3,111 Group: Super Moderator Member #2,993 Joined: December 16, 2007 Favourite Anime DBZ What Browser do you use? Internet Explorer Favourite Manga DBZ	I agree with Kris that the meeting section is a little less poetic than the latter parts of the poem. However it is a great piece, well written and an interesting theme.
	I'm no longer sig-less thanks to AngelicHottieDS! "To appreciate the very good, you must experience the very bad." "You should be ok just being you, working your job and being happy." - Lupe Fiasco.


*Rebel X*	Nov 22 2009, 06:41 AM Post #5
Posts: 5,561 Group: Shadow Rep Member #88 Joined: January 16, 2005	Kris, thank you thank you so much for commenting and you are so right! I think this piece started out as some sort of weak but literal rap and turned into a poem which is what I wanted. i can see how it looked like total noob work. I had so many ideas flying around in my head about this one because I wasn't 100% sure what I was trying to say through out the piece. Lots of things were going on. I can see what you are saying. Thanks for being honest. I left the "idea'' totally opened. I mean it was never anything concrete and definite. It could've been a machine that killed everyone or maybe they did create something that helped everyone. Maybe it wasn't a machine, maybe it was just a big bang that ended everything. This idea could've been SEX and that would indefeasibly concept that would change the world for better or worse. Uh, so I just left it completely open in that. Light, thanks man. You never let me down. The relationship was really out of nowhere yet somehow infinite and strong as you said. Thanks again for the comments man, always like hearing what you have to say. MITAS! Thanks :P I appreciate it. It's definitely not the best but I'm thankful for the comments everyone.
	I am the light of darkness Thanks to + Light for the sig and avatar


1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)


« Previous Topic · Writing · Next Topic »

Affiliates