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| Why Do I Not Have My Homework? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 18 2009, 10:13 PM (309 Views) | |
| + Byakko | Nov 18 2009, 10:13 PM Post #1 |
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I once gave a Kangaroo a heart-attack just by staring at it
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This is a true story. I said this to my Physics teacher last year, after he quizzed me on "why I didn't have my homework" it was thought up on the spot, and may be hard to believe, but yeah. So, basically, we were sitting in Physics, and he was collecting in the homework. One thing you gotta know about Mr Bailey, is that he's got this REALLY nasly voice. He says "Ohhhhh" at the end of every sentence. Well, needless to say, I'd not done the homework (Sleep's good ;).gif ) and I figured that, if I had to lie about it, I may aswell lie good. So, he walks up to me. We sat on these really high stools, and the desks were high up too, and he's about average height, so we were pretty much eye level with eachother. I'm sitting there for a few seconds, utterly speachless and unable to think of anything to say, when he says "So why do you not have your homework, Michael? Don't tell me you "forgot" it again?" and for some reason, my mind just clicked. "Well, Mr B-" (We weren't on really good terms...he didn't like me much. The feeling was sorta mutual, I thought he could be pretty cool when he wanted to) "- it's a long story." "Just tell me why, ohhh" "If you're sure..." The guy next to me, Jed (Who absoloutely adored physics, and taught me at least as much of the course as Mr Bailey did, probably helped me pass, although Jed is a whole other story) is looking at me with a mixture of awe, horror, and suspense (I'd often make up random stories about stuff in the middle of class, help keep myself amused, I guess). Mr Bailey looks at me, as if expecting some sort of 'I'll tell you later' or something. "Well...Y'see... I was sitting at my desk, and I was honestly JUST about to do the homework, when MI6 busted through my window." Jed giggles a little, I'm speaking with such conviction that I sort of believe the story, I swear to God I saw a glint of amusement in MrBailey 's eye. "They come up to me, wrest the pencil from my reluctant hand - 'It needs to be done for Tuesday!' I said, but they wouldn't listen - and took me away to their secret MI6 Base, which also happened to be one of the Hotel Suites used by Fleetwood Mac - nice place, by the way. They told me that everything I'd known up until now was completely wrong, and that my parents weren't actually my parents! They were North Korean spies, determined to get me on their side. 'Why would they want me?' I asked the agents, but they did not answer me. I was taken to see my real father, Doctor Ninja, in his secret underground base - another hotel room of Fleetwood Mac's - where he trained me to be a real MI6 agent. There was like...James Bond and everything there. So, after two and a half hours, I was ready for my mission. I was to go to North Korea and take out some Nationalists. The job was simple, and would go without a hitch if everything went to plan. All I needed to do was break the necks of a lumberjack, and fight Al Pacino to the death. Unfortunately, Al Paccino was accompanied by Judge Dredd, who beat me down with "The Law". I was captured. My mission failed." Jed was now laughing so hard it echoed around the small room, everybody was looking at me, but I couldn't end it there. "I tried and tried to resist them, but I was tortured endlessly. Every second seemed like an eternity under them. I told them that I had a chocolate dog in German, but it wasn't good enough for them. I was an agent, I had to know something. My first 3 hours of being an agent hadn't been that great, to be honest. My toturer happeed to be the arch nemesis of my father - Ninja Doctor - and was bent on destroying everything democracy held dear. I had to resist him, I couldn't give in. When all hope seemed lost, my ever faithful calculator, called Jim, assembled a crack-team of Calculator Commandos to save me. They bust me out of there by smacking Ninja Doctor with a Goat with the word "banana" written on it in felt pen. As we neared the rescue Chopper, Jim was shot in the back. With a scream of "Get back to ze choppah!" He turned and totally wailed on the Nationalists, gunning them down with his Division of Fury. We managed to get Jim back to the Chopper, but he died soon after in my arms. I spent the next week mourning for him. Which is why you don't have your homework, MrBailey." The whole class around me sat in this sort of stunned silence. I was finally aware that I'd been talking for almost ten minutes. Everybody's mouth - even Jed's - was open in an "o" of 'I can't believe he just did that'. I honestly believed I was gonna get hauled outta the class and made to go sit somewhere else and copy out of a textbook. When Jed giggled a little, breaking the silence. Mr Bailey shook his head. I was in for it, I'd gone WAY too far. Oh well, price I pay for wanting to do something well, right? Then he sighed the single deepest sigh I've ever heard, muttered "Life is too short." and walked away to start the lesson. I was amazed, to say the least. |
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