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| Depression; Systematic Signs of a Teenager's Angst | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 18 2009, 05:29 AM (557 Views) | |
| Sam | Nov 18 2009, 05:29 AM Post #1 |
It takes a mere second for treasure to turn to trash.
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Whatever. So yeah. Just felt like ranting on here. I feel like DBZF is the best place to do it, since I've been here for several years of my life and spent some of the worst and best times posting here. This topic is similar to other topics made by some users, so, I'm nothing special. Just venting. So let's get started! I started off my sophomore year in High School [ahh, how long it has been, I joined DBZF in 5th grade!] doing pretty well. I ended my classes with A, A-, B+, A, A. Pretty good I'd say! I was pretty happy with myself. Maybe I just set my standards too high. I don't know. This quarter I'm doing kind of miserable. Yeah, it has only been a few days, yet, I constantly find myself being absorbed into this unknown, unable to meet the expectations I had once fallen into. I've been constantly confused lately, lost even. My attempts to communicate my feelings to teachers and friends simply fails, making me look socially awkward, furthering my depression. I find any tiny, insignificant thing to be causing colossal damage to my once quite good self-esteem/confidence. I'm criticizing myself more than ever. Even someone not laughing at a joke is causing me to be depressed severely for at least five minutes. Normally, I wouldn't care, or would be able to make them laugh with my wits or something. I don't know. I'm sexy and it worked, that's all I know. Or maybe I'm not. I can't tell anymore. I have no idea what it is. The logical part of me realizes that it is only a few days into this quarter, and there isn't really much to worry about. I did fail my Geometry test, but, that's because my Geometry teacher is a useless piece of dick *****. I hate him, pretty much. So does everyone else in my class. So, really, I can vent about Mr. *****face all I want and get away with it. I can always re-take the test, get my grade up [not to where I want it, but, there will be many more tests and assignments, which are worth more than this rather small test so it should be fine as long as I don't biff out again]. But, what then? I'm constantly finding myself pushed into a corner, with nothing to grab onto. Falling without any support. I feel alone. I've had more friends than ever before, yet, at the same time, I feel lost. I recently stopped being friends with a guy named Brandon because, well, he freaks out at people over nothing and is bipolar, and I'm sick of him. Still am. Though, I realize something: Every single day after school, I'd call him. Every day. I'd vent on him. Not much, though. I never had much to vent, only a thing or two. He had more than me. But then I realized something, maybe as I type this, maybe in my own quiet contemplations as my eyes water and my head rumbles with anger and frustration, that these one or two things build up over time and cascade into hatred and anger. Is this what I'm really going to succumb to? If I do manage to get ahold of a friend to talk to, I usually just start talking fast, sporadically, random. Nothing I say coagulates or makes sense, because it's a random collection of things that have been on my mind but unable to express to anyone. They quickly lost interest, and I lose some pride. At first, I thought I was frustrated with my physical appearance or something. I'm annoyed at my upper body a bit with some extra skin, but, it's really not that bad, I guess. My friend Elliott and I managed to get a joint membership at Snap Fitness starting tomorrow, so, that will give me an opportunity to work on it. I'm very good friends with Elliott, yet, I feel like I can't talk to him. He's far too different from me. He's the kind of person you hang out with, mess with and think "wow, what a cool friend", but, not really the type of person I'd have a conversation with. I don't know why. I think it's because he has so many things going for him well in life, that I'd feel so whiny to even talk to him. I prefer to talk to Robbie, but, he's always grounded from his parents and I very rarely talk to him now [you don't have to know what the hell I'm talking about anymore, kind reader.] I thought it may be my social status. I then realized, I've had more friends now than ever before. I'm still single, and probably always will be [still haven't had a girlfriend yet, but, I couldn't care less at this point]. I'm attracted to females to a degree, but, it's not what is causing this. It's hardly bothering me at all. I just feel trapped. Cornered. Lost in this sea of madness. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel *****ing lost in darkness. What's trapping me? I don't know. School perhaps? Probably. But then again, I felt fine at first. I still felt this way even when I had amazing grades. It's like I'm behind held down by some invisible force. I can't take it, it's suffocating. Somehow I feel that once this quarter is over and I start anew with new classes next semester, it will all be different. Is this caused by my *****ty Geometry teacher? The annoying Freshmen in my Spanish class? How I look? My social status? My father? My glasses breaking? A combination of these things? What is it? So many questions. Yet, I haven't the time to answer them. I've been going to bed at 1-2 AM lately, because I have so much homework. No, not that much that it takes from 4 PM when I get home to 2 AM, but, still a few hours worth, and it's all very complicated and annoying. I take time off to play World of Warcraft, where I get a few minutes [hours] of relief of life by being some blue dude with blue hair and red armor killing imaginary demons. I think I would go insane without a crutch like World of Warcraft. I'm not becoming addicted to it [or maybe I am without noticing? I sensed an addiction coming on, and I've limited my playing time successfully], but, I very much enjoy its presence. Elliott criticizes it, a few people do, but, I enjoy the fact I have SOMETHING in my life that can completely strip me of my identity and pull me away from everything for a little while. Who knows. What the hell. I need to eat dinner, do a little research and get to bed. I've been receiving comments on how exhausted I look from day to day, and my vision is blurring slightly from strained eye muscles every day. I find it hard to concentrate, yet, I can't help it. People suggest I stop playing World of Warcraft, or simply take a chill pill and maybe set homework off for a day. I can't do either. I need to do them both, else I will lose my mind. So much to deal with... yet I don't know what I'm dealing with anymore. A man isn't a man without his identity, and I've lost mine. So who am I? A lost person, searching for his shadow. ~ NeciFiX Edited by Sam, Nov 18 2009, 05:33 AM.
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WoW Legion Ending - Thank you Darker for making this into one, big incredible gif! <3 | |
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| sunate | Nov 18 2009, 06:07 AM Post #2 |
 
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Wow... This sounds exactly like me last year. I had sunk Into a really bad deression and black hole extreamely fast with no real explaination. ( could be from the confusing tormenting relationships I had been dealing with) but that I don't even think was the case. I was happy but yet was still finding myself mad hurt inside for no reason at all. Much like you my crutch Had become Runescape( ya I know) I played every once in a blue moon but by that time I had started playing almost 8 hours a day. I lost touch with all my friends and quit being socailly active. Eveybody unknown to my world or state of being always wondering WTF had happened to me. I'm not sure what triggered it I guess you could call it the ( EMO in me) but then that it's self doesn't expalin the way I felt. I was very confused with what I wanted to do. I had lost interest in everything. The movies and all the other cool fun places to go hang out with my friends had suddenly no longer interested me. My mom in the end had no idea of how I felt, but I had got a job and my license and eventually pulled myself out of that slump with new hopes of the future and my carreer In the milatary. All I can say is that I fully understand where your coming from and if you find somthing that makes you happy don't let go it and be strong and pull yourself out of this black hole. Get active force yourself to participate in comunitiy events, because walloing it away and getting futher and further from the ( real life) will only make it worse.
Edited by sunate, Nov 18 2009, 06:12 AM.
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| * -Zero- | Nov 18 2009, 06:29 AM Post #3 |
Black Knight
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I know exactly how you feel. Lately I snap and get mad and pissed off so easily, and I don't even know. it's like every day I just feel so angry, im starting to completely hate people, one of my greatest strengths was being able to understand people and be nice to them even that I;m losing, I don't know why but I'm hating on people so much now, it's like I don't care about their feelings or anything anymore. When baseball season was on i loved it, it was three to four hours that I would be in peace, , now I have metal gear solid online but I'm still losing it/ My depression is so bad, I have completely changed, I have lost all will to care about anything. things i wouldnt care before, things i would laugh at before, things i would do before, i get pissed off easily now. And people can say whatever they want but they have no idea whats going on withing my personal life, the reason why i've gotten myself into a depression. I'm losing concentration, look and see people with disgust, people I used to get along with told them off. Necifix do yourself a favor and do the best you can not to let it get worst, cause then you're screwed cause you wont even have the will to try and change things anymore, you stop caring and life with hatred and anger all the time |
 Thanks to Kid Buu for the sig! The story where DBZF Members are the characters! DBZF:The Unknown Conspiracy POSITIVE ZERO PRODUCTIONS ZeroGuild Forum! | |
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| sunate | Nov 18 2009, 06:36 AM Post #4 |
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I wonder how many people go through this? |
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| Meowth | Nov 18 2009, 10:06 AM Post #5 |
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Agreed. Although it sounds like stress more than anything at this point, maybe minor depression, with help it should pass, you should probably speak with a GP or counciler, just to get it out to a profesional, I mean at the moment, it's probably not something to worry about, you are worked up about school, which is understandable if you are used to good grades. Something is really wrong when you start to think that it doesn't matter what grade you get, you'll always be a failture and that causes them to get even worse, but that doesn't seem to be your problem unless that's what you think but in which case, I can't see how it fits in because from what I can understand, you have high expectations and that is causing you stress. As for WoW, you said you cut your playing time down successfully which you couldn't have done if there was something seriously wrong, you wouldn't have seen the point, depression cancels out rational/logical thinking and replaces it with junk. As well as you're still able to do your homework, talk to friends about anything and go to school. On a good day, I struggle to go to university, on a bad day, I'm always telling myself I should stay home, it isn't really important. I don't really have anyone I would call a friend at univerisity, I know people there and I talk to them but I've never met them outside of university nor talk to them, I don't see the point. So long story short, I don't think it's anything major, it's most likly stress related, you just need to step back and get things back into focus as well as find someone to talk to, preferably a professional. My depression was caused by numerous things, not talking about things kept it building and building, till it became a problem, before last year, it was quite manageable and wasn't getting in the way, so I ignored it. |
 
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| * Mitas | Nov 18 2009, 10:48 AM Post #6 |
It truly was a Shawshank redemption
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I totally understand what you're going through. I went through a similar patch when I started my university course (I have suspended it until next year now so I can get my head straight and clear up the mistakes I made). I can totally empaphise with the whole "cool friends that you can't really speak to" aspect. Pretty much all of my friends are like that, apart from a few, and even then I still wouldn't want to unload all the build up of things that I've kept to myself. I don't like dumping my problems on other people, everyone has their own stuff to deal with, but that's probably where I've gone wrong because it's always good to talk to other people and get things out of your head. I'll throw some things out there that might not be true, just possibilities: - I don't really know you as well as I know other people on the forum, but I do know that you put a lot of effort (which I congratulate you on) into losing weight and becoming healthier. However that has maybe meant that you feel you've had to change who you are because a lot of your behaviour would have been related to how you saw yourself. Maybe because you changed how you felt about your appearance, you changed how you thought you could act. You're still the same person, but now you have more confidence to be yourself which wasn't the case before. In a way you're reinventing yourself which would inevitably lead to confusion in who you are (sorry if that doesn't make sense). - There's also the increased pressure you've put on yourself in school. You did extremely well with your grades and that upped the expectations you had of yourself. The work would have been harder and you haven't done as well as you did in the previous year which has caused you to doubt how intelligent you are. Everybody will need a little time to adjust to the higher demands of harder work so give yourself a break and lower your expectations for a short while untl you're comfortable with the workload again. When you combine these two points then it makes for a very stressful combination which you don't need at this time of your life. To help I would suggest setting a certain time where you say to yourself "I'll go to bed." You don't necessarilly need to sleep, but just relax by reading or listening to music. This will help with the tiredness you're feeling (I'd definately suggest that the time be before midnight). Everybody needs some time to get away from things and have fun so I wouldn't stop WoW completley. However I'd look in to limiting your play to a couple hours. This would leave you with enough time to do your homework. I'd also suggest making some sort of schedule, but I know that I wouldn't be bothered doing that myself so it's up to you :P Just trying to offer as much help s I can because I know how it feels. Hope I've helped and we're all here if you find you need to talk. |
 "Then you've got the chance to do better next time." "Next time?" "Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is." | |
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| Sam | Nov 18 2009, 10:19 PM Post #7 |
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It takes a mere second for treasure to turn to trash.
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I still feel act the same way as usual. I don't know what is up. I'm feeling a little better though. |
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WoW Legion Ending - Thank you Darker for making this into one, big incredible gif! <3 | |
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| * Mitas | Nov 19 2009, 12:10 PM Post #8 |
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It truly was a Shawshank redemption
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Ah ok, like I said just a few possibilities that came to mind when reading it that I thought I'd suggest to see if they helped. Good to hear you're feeling better. I felt better when I cleared my mind a few weeks ago. I think it's just getting it out there and actually talking to people. |
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"Then you've got the chance to do better next time." "Next time?" "Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is." | |
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| Eushie | Dec 13 2009, 11:14 PM Post #9 |
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I'd try to work out as much as possible, exercise energizes you and cheers you up. |
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Dec 13 2009, 11:17 PM Post #10 |
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Maybe later on i'll rant, I don't have the time now. But I suffer from Manic Depression, I know its alittle different than Clinical, but I've been in and out of wards since 16 because of it. |
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| Maikeru | Dec 14 2009, 12:21 AM Post #11 |
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ya i have the same thing pretty much, with the friends and the not so sociall liike i used to be... |
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| * Lord Cooler | Dec 17 2009, 02:06 PM Post #12 |
Lord of the Ice-Jins
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I think i know how you feel Necifix. I went through this phase a couple of months back where i was feeling so down and disappointed in myself because i couldn't find any work. We moved to a new city a few months back so my gf could do a course at uni, and i would have to find work. But this city has one of the highest unemployment rate in Australia and because of the hard economic times everyone is looking for work which makes it much harder for me to find any. At the start i was really keen and had high confidence in myself but ever since the first interview i had and didn't get the job my confidence has been getting worse and worse, i have now missed out on 3 jobs. I felt so useless, like i was letting everyone down, especially my gf because i really wanted to find work and make her proud. So i pretty much gave up on myself and just shut myself off from the world and would just sit there with my headphones on watching movies and pretty much hating myself and thinking how useless i am. My gf noticed thankfully and sat me down and had a long talk, and then i went and saw my family who i only see once a year. That helped a lot. So yeah thats why i kinda know how u feel and just letting you know your not alone. |
 Thanks to + Rebel X for the awesome sig above.  Thanks to Anonymous23 (Ana) for the awesome sig above. Don't forget to participate in the Dragon Ball Rewatch! Lord Cooler - I am the supreme master of this universe. I am the great destroyer, the taker of life. I kill when I want, the weak die and the strong survive. Saiyan insect, prepare to be squashed. | |
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