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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 7 2009, 03:47 PM (472 Views) | |
| + Rebel X | Oct 7 2009, 03:47 PM Post #1 |
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in between class oh what to do i sit here and ponder while staring at glue thoughts in my head, confused by my heart where oh where did it all start. goodbye, goodbye, i say to thee goodbye my heart, goodbye he broken pieces, poured out souls how oh how my heart mourns aching hearts, shattered dreams little devils and their evil schemes my poor heart, my tired mine i miss thee calling me, thine my heart, my love, the trust we share it all vanished into thin air blown away like the leaves i sit here i stare and i grieve you don't care that i know if you did, don't you think it would show i had tears they fell like snow but that my dear you will never know my heart has shattered, its easy to see how oh how should i plea my god, what do i do, please let this love renew broken hearts, broken dreams like the angels broken wings here then cry, hear them scream i might be childish, but it makes me, me. |
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| + Rebel X | Oct 9 2009, 08:01 PM Post #2 |
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bump comment por favor. If you will. |
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| + Rebel X | Dec 9 2009, 01:39 AM Post #3 |
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Even though this was a quickie fun poem. Ima double bump this lol. I promise I wont bump it anymore if noone comments |
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| Maikeru | Dec 9 2009, 02:05 AM Post #4 |
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nice poem rebel , seems like it has a lot of thought put into it, must have taken a while, nice job |
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| Tim | Dec 9 2009, 02:08 AM Post #5 |
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Forum Royalty
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I like it, right now especially it really appeals to me. Out of interest why did you call it 'Haha' when it seems to be about something much more emotional and heartfelt?? That's not a critique, more of a question ![]() ~Tim |
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| + Rebel X | Dec 9 2009, 07:07 AM Post #6 |
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Thanks Maikeru. This one was in class, something I decided to write. Tim, I didn't exactly put a name to it. I realized that it was just something simple and quick but I still like how it turned out. So I just did it for fun not really putting thought into the title. In perspectives the tone of that poem could change. I can see someone being seriously heartfelt in that poem just dazed yet suffering. Thanks Tim, I guess I didn't notice how deep it could get. I appreciate your thoughts man |
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| Pookie | Dec 9 2009, 07:46 PM Post #7 |
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Pookie Powa!
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You are very creative with words. I like the fact that you have a wide range of vocabulary. The poem seems to flow nice, and it has a serious tone to it that can appeal to a variety of people. For something you wrote in class, it definitely stands out as being a solid poem. Good job. |
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| + Rebel X | Dec 11 2009, 01:34 PM Post #8 |
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Thanks Ana, means a lot. I could use some feedback from you on my other poem http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8163195/1/?x=35 I'm actually surprised you all thought it was a solid piece that was heartfelt. I mean I wrote in a girls perspective in a way but I just did it for fun. Thanks so much. I'm glad I can give you something to enjoy and understand. |
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