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Haha
Topic Started: Oct 7 2009, 03:47 PM (472 Views)
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in between class oh what to do
i sit here and ponder while staring at glue
thoughts in my head, confused by my heart
where oh where did it all start.

goodbye, goodbye, i say to thee
goodbye my heart, goodbye he
broken pieces, poured out souls
how oh how my heart mourns
aching hearts, shattered dreams
little devils and their evil schemes
my poor heart, my tired mine
i miss thee calling me, thine
my heart, my love, the trust we share
it all vanished into thin air
blown away like the leaves
i sit here i stare and i grieve
you don't care that i know
if you did, don't you think it would show
i had tears they fell like snow
but that my dear you will never know
my heart has shattered, its easy to see
how oh how should i plea
my god, what do i do,
please let this love renew
broken hearts, broken dreams
like the angels broken wings
here then cry, hear them scream
i might be childish, but it makes me, me.

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bump


comment por favor. If you will.

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Even though this was a quickie fun poem. Ima double bump this lol. I promise I wont bump it anymore if noone comments

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Maikeru
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nice poem rebel , seems like it has a lot of thought put into it, must have taken a while, nice job
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Tim
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I like it, right now especially it really appeals to me.

Out of interest why did you call it 'Haha' when it seems to be about something much more emotional and heartfelt?? That's not a critique, more of a question :)

~Tim
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Thanks Maikeru. This one was in class, something I decided to write.

Tim, I didn't exactly put a name to it. I realized that it was just something simple and quick but I still like how it turned out. So I just did it for fun not really putting thought into the title. In perspectives the tone of that poem could change. I can see someone being seriously heartfelt in that poem just dazed yet suffering. Thanks Tim, I guess I didn't notice how deep it could get. I appreciate your thoughts man

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Pookie
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Pookie Powa!

You are very creative with words. I like the fact that you have a wide range of vocabulary. The poem seems to flow nice, and it has a serious tone to it that can appeal to a variety of people. For something you wrote in class, it definitely stands out as being a solid poem. Good job.
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Thanks Ana, means a lot. I could use some feedback from you on my other poem http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8163195/1/?x=35

I'm actually surprised you all thought it was a solid piece that was heartfelt. I mean I wrote in a girls perspective in a way but I just did it for fun. Thanks so much. I'm glad I can give you something to enjoy and understand.

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