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| Beware of Roses; A song/poem thing | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 22 2009, 01:09 AM (332 Views) | |
| * Bex | Aug 22 2009, 01:09 AM Post #1 |
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★ Bextreme Dream ★
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Beware of Roses I come home and I am late But It's not like we have a date There's no good reason for you to stare And I'm surprised to see you there. It isn't my fault but time just flies And you look at me with transfixed eyes, saying "You disappointment, you disgrace, you'll never be what we wanted you to be." But you know how it gets to me You know how much it hurts And all I know is that my self esteem gets worse. Muttering apologies and your superiority Really don't make sense to me But It's not like I'm a deity And you should know, you're not a saint You're evil with a lick of paint Paint of lead that covered toys And poisoned all the girls and boys Like you're now infecting me You're eyes of dark hostility And all I know is that my confidence ran dry. I told you I was sorry But you're acting Oh so horribly And man, you love to scold me But as it is, now, currently You make me want to scream... You're the only thing I've had All this time that I've been sad But when did things start to go bad? If I was gone you'd be so glad! Then you start yelling I start yelling And it starts to be difficult No way of telling Just which one of us drives the other mad. Your face, the thing I once found so perfect Wears a glare that won't neglect To mention the pain within my eyes And the ever growing pack of lies That I keep hidden, locked away From the person that I see everyday The one that I entrusted my love to The girl that WOULD say "I do" The woman that I once called a wife And was the beauty in my life. But of all things, you had to be The person that would ruin me They say "Beware of roses, they have thorns" But the one I chose has devil's horns And I can't wait to get away To sanctuary and another day When I don't have to hear your voice And I don't have to see your face Because my dear that when I'm there, I'll be in a better place. I told you I was sorry But you're acting Oh so horribly And man, you love to scold me But as it is, now, currently You make me want to scream... You're the only thing I've had All this time that I've been sad But when did things start to go bad? If I was gone you'd be so glad! You start yelling I start yelling It starts to be difficult No way of telling Which of us drives the other mad. My dear this time you needn't worry About treating me so terribly All these times you acted coldly And all the things you shouted boldly And unlike all the things you see You really don't have to push me Into getting that divorce Because I will do that freely Not by nagging or by force. You're the only thing I've had All this time that I've been sad But when did things start to go bad? When I'm gone you'll be so glad! They hear you yelling They hear me yelling It starts to be difficult No way of telling Just which of us has been driven mad. |
..:: Prepare for Trouble ~ | ~ And Make it Double! ::..![]() ..:: Most Improved GFXer - 2016 ~ | ~ Joint Most Meme-savvy - 2016 ::.. | |
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| Pookie | Aug 22 2009, 04:09 AM Post #2 |
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Pookie Powa!
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I felt what you felt. This poem is really deep. Thanks for sharing Viddy. I can tell you worked hard on it so yeah it's good. |
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| + Rebel X | Aug 22 2009, 04:40 AM Post #3 |
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Dude, I sang this again and again with many different beats and tunes and it just flows every time. As a poem I think it's good, and as a song I can see it being better than ever. The first stanza is really general and introduces the writing and how it could relate to anyone. Not just a wife but a girlfriend or parents, sibling or someone you'd literally see or live with everyday. I loved the second stanza man, like wow/sweet. This really put things in perspective and gave you something you can imagine or see in your mind. As you went on and went into detail with the madness inside you it was a great reflection of the character. Now the fifth stanza is where is gets specific so now we know who you're talking about and basically why they have such as effect on you. Stanza six again pretty awesome because it gave us the mental outlook of what the person was feeling. If I had to pick a bad part it wouldn't be the last but the stanza before last just didn't flow as well. Dunno why but it was just getting into divorce and leaving it there I guess as if it's a cliffhanger for another your going to come out with. Lastly the title ended up great, it fits. Anyhow, just Nice Job wow. Pretty wicked man. Maybe you'll make a sequel to this and make it into some sort of story. Just an idea but don't rush it lol
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| * Sousen Ichimonji | Aug 22 2009, 11:47 AM Post #4 |
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You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold
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This is awesome, there's a lot of emotion emenating from this poem as you read it... just... wow. |
![]() Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget | |
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| * Bex | Aug 22 2009, 12:47 PM Post #5 |
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★ Bextreme Dream ★
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Haha, thanks for the comments guys. I wrote this when I wasn't in the best of moods but thanks a lot for the input. Rebel - I don't personally like the last stanza either but I added it for some reason. I think If I do try to make a song out of this then that part won't be included lol. |
..:: Prepare for Trouble ~ | ~ And Make it Double! ::..![]() ..:: Most Improved GFXer - 2016 ~ | ~ Joint Most Meme-savvy - 2016 ::.. | |
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