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Beware of Roses; A song/poem thing
Topic Started: Aug 22 2009, 01:09 AM (332 Views)
* Bex
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★ Bextreme Dream ★

Beware of Roses

I come home and I am late
But It's not like we have a date
There's no good reason for you to stare
And I'm surprised to see you there.
It isn't my fault but time just flies
And you look at me with transfixed eyes, saying
"You disappointment, you disgrace, you'll never be what we wanted you to be."
But you know how it gets to me
You know how much it hurts
And all I know is that my self esteem gets worse.

Muttering apologies and your superiority
Really don't make sense to me
But It's not like I'm a deity
And you should know, you're not a saint
You're evil with a lick of paint
Paint of lead that covered toys
And poisoned all the girls and boys
Like you're now infecting me
You're eyes of dark hostility
And all I know is that my confidence ran dry.

I told you I was sorry
But you're acting Oh so horribly
And man, you love to scold me
But as it is, now, currently
You make me want to scream...

You're the only thing I've had
All this time that I've been sad
But when did things start to go bad?
If I was gone you'd be so glad!
Then you start yelling
I start yelling
And it starts to be difficult
No way of telling
Just which one of us drives the other mad.

Your face, the thing I once found so perfect
Wears a glare that won't neglect
To mention the pain within my eyes
And the ever growing pack of lies
That I keep hidden, locked away
From the person that I see everyday
The one that I entrusted my love to
The girl that WOULD say "I do"
The woman that I once called a wife
And was the beauty in my life.

But of all things, you had to be
The person that would ruin me
They say "Beware of roses, they have thorns"
But the one I chose has devil's horns
And I can't wait to get away
To sanctuary and another day
When I don't have to hear your voice
And I don't have to see your face
Because my dear that when I'm there,
I'll be in a better place.

I told you I was sorry
But you're acting Oh so horribly
And man, you love to scold me
But as it is, now, currently
You make me want to scream...

You're the only thing I've had
All this time that I've been sad
But when did things start to go bad?
If I was gone you'd be so glad!
You start yelling
I start yelling
It starts to be difficult
No way of telling
Which of us drives the other mad.


My dear this time you needn't worry
About treating me so terribly
All these times you acted coldly
And all the things you shouted boldly
And unlike all the things you see
You really don't have to push me
Into getting that divorce
Because I will do that freely
Not by nagging or by force.

You're the only thing I've had
All this time that I've been sad
But when did things start to go bad?
When I'm gone you'll be so glad!
They hear you yelling
They hear me yelling
It starts to be difficult
No way of telling
Just which of us has been driven mad.
..:: Prepare for Trouble ~ | ~ And Make it Double! ::..

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..:: Most Improved GFXer - 2016 ~ | ~ Joint Most Meme-savvy - 2016 ::..


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Pookie
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Pookie Powa!

I felt what you felt. This poem is really deep. Thanks for sharing Viddy. I can tell you worked hard on it so yeah it's good.
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+ Rebel X
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Dude, I sang this again and again with many different beats and tunes and it just flows every time. As a poem I think it's good, and as a song I can see it being better than ever. The first stanza is really general and introduces the writing and how it could relate to anyone. Not just a wife but a girlfriend or parents, sibling or someone you'd literally see or live with everyday. I loved the second stanza man,
Quote:
 
You're evil with a lick of paint
Paint of lead that covered toys
And poisoned all the girls and boys
Like you're now infecting me
You're eyes of dark hostility
And all I know is that my confidence ran dry.
like wow/sweet. This really put things in perspective and gave you something you can imagine or see in your mind. As you went on and went into detail with the madness inside you it was a great reflection of the character.

Now the fifth stanza is where is gets specific so now we know who you're talking about and basically why they have such as effect on you. Stanza six again pretty awesome because it gave us the mental outlook of what the person was feeling.
If I had to pick a bad part it wouldn't be the last but the stanza before last just didn't flow as well. Dunno why but it was just getting into divorce and leaving it there I guess as if it's a cliffhanger for another your going to come out with. Lastly the title ended up great, it fits.

Anyhow, just Nice Job wow. Pretty wicked man. Maybe you'll make a sequel to this and make it into some sort of story. Just an idea but don't rush it lol ;)

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* Sousen Ichimonji
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You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold

This is awesome, there's a lot of emotion emenating from this poem as you read it... just... wow.
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Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

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* Bex
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★ Bextreme Dream ★

Rebel X
Aug 22 2009, 04:40 AM
Dude, I sang this again and again with many different beats and tunes and it just flows every time. As a poem I think it's good, and as a song I can see it being better than ever. The first stanza is really general and introduces the writing and how it could relate to anyone. Not just a wife but a girlfriend or parents, sibling or someone you'd literally see or live with everyday. I loved the second stanza man,
Quote:
 
You're evil with a lick of paint
Paint of lead that covered toys
And poisoned all the girls and boys
Like you're now infecting me
You're eyes of dark hostility
And all I know is that my confidence ran dry.
like wow/sweet. This really put things in perspective and gave you something you can imagine or see in your mind. As you went on and went into detail with the madness inside you it was a great reflection of the character.

Now the fifth stanza is where is gets specific so now we know who you're talking about and basically why they have such as effect on you. Stanza six again pretty awesome because it gave us the mental outlook of what the person was feeling.
If I had to pick a bad part it wouldn't be the last but the stanza before last just didn't flow as well. Dunno why but it was just getting into divorce and leaving it there I guess as if it's a cliffhanger for another your going to come out with. Lastly the title ended up great, it fits.

Anyhow, just Nice Job wow. Pretty wicked man. Maybe you'll make a sequel to this and make it into some sort of story. Just an idea but don't rush it lol ;)
Haha, thanks for the comments guys. I wrote this when I wasn't in the best of moods but thanks a lot for the input.

Rebel - I don't personally like the last stanza either but I added it for some reason. I think If I do try to make a song out of this then that part won't be included lol.
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