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| Changing Past. Changing character? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 21 2009, 09:01 AM (761 Views) | |
| BattleMetal | Aug 21 2009, 09:01 AM Post #1 |
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Was wondering if anyone wished they could somehow go back in time and do something different in their past, something that you feel if you had done differently you would have felt more proud of yourself now. An event that you feel created your current character. When i was 13 my mum was having an affair with my dads best mate. Dad found out and in early hours of the morning, im woken up, my mums screaming for my sister (she is 14) before running out the flat, downstairs, shouting on her neighbour, banging her door, panting and making choking sounds. Mum says Dad tried to kill her, he tried to strangle her. Dad runs out the front door and tries to get past, now i know he has done it, neighbours man comes out and threatens my dad with a knife, pointing the blade right into his face, almost up his nose. Dad is thrown down 2 flights of conctrete stairs. Everyone is panicked and in tears, my sister has an ashma attack, im told to stay in my room. Police arrive, speak to mum and leave, advising her to contact them if dad returns. Mum says she doesnt want to press charges. Brian, the man having an affair with my mum arrives an hour later. Everyone is talking. My dad reappears, strangely he is invited in, everyone seems cool, seems odd but nothing bad is happening. I peek into the living room, curious but careful not to be seen. Brian has taken charge, Dad is quiet but talking calmly, he is not denying what he did just saying it was in the heat of the moment. Mum seems ok, not distressed, listening and talking as well. Cant remember what is said next but Brian suddenly jumps on top of my dad and pins him against the couch, one of my dads arms is trapped, Brian pushes my dad back with one arm and slams right fist into his face over and over again. Dad tried to fight back with his free hand, mum shouts no and grabs his arm, pulling it back with all her strength, protecting Brian. Im terrified for my dad. This is wrong, he cant defend himself, he is being ganged up on. My instinct is to jump on Brians back and save my dad. Fear tells me i will get hurt, i wont be able to save my dad. I think, go into the kitchen and get a knife, no too extreme. Then get a pan hit him over the head. This whole time im standing their, dithering, being frightened, being selfish, my dad is getting his face beat in by another man and my mum is helping, with a smile i might add. Its over after a minute and i didnt make my decision. Never should have been one, should have helped my dad. Im a coward. My dad gets up and walks towards me, Brian and mum are hurling abuse an threats at him. I want to help him but dont know what to do. His face is covered in bright red blood, running down his face onto his coat, i see total defeat on his face. He goes down the stairs and doesnt return this night. Im ashamed i didnt help him. Ive just seen the man i believed to be the strongest person in the world, get destroyed and i didnt help cause i was too scared. Im a coward. This event created me in future. I was in plenty of bad moments and i didnt act, either to defend myself or to protect people I cared about. Even simple things like arguments or just not letting people get away with things i do nothing, i want to but i dont. I always had that first instinct to act but my mind would always kick in and remind me of consequences, and the fear would take over. I look at myself in the mirror and im not proud of what i see, i can never change what I did/did not do and sometimes i just wish that I could go back. Even if i had got hurt at least i could say i helped my dad, i stood up and was a man, despite my fear, i still helped him. This is a long post but its something that haunts me and i was wondering what everyone else would like to change for better or worse. I know i never can change anything, i know it is done, i have to get on with things, which i do but these things influenced how i am now in a sense. I never give up and i always try my hardest at things but i am shy person, i dont get on well with most people. Im often on my own cause i cant be bothered with other people and vice versa. |
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http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8040430/1/ Link to my DBZ fan-fic tale: Saiyans, Frieza, the Ginyu Force and other alien races and beings all chucked into the soup-pot for all out action and glory! http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8129945/1/#new Link to a DBZ inspired story/ battle scenario that i did when i was 16 http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8071554/1/#new Link to the Marvel/DC tale of the super-powered hereos and villians of both verses. Biggest heavy-hitters square off in an almight-free-for-all brawl! | |
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| * Mitas | Aug 21 2009, 02:04 PM Post #2 |
It truly was a Shawshank redemption
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That's some heavy stuff BattleMetal but you can't let it eat you up. You said something to the effect of "a real man would have stepped in and helped my dad". But the fact is you were 13, far from a man. You were still a child (no offence meant at all). What could you have done that wouldn't have made things worse? If you had taken a knife and done god knows what, you never know what would have happened. It doesn't bare thinking about because it is in the past and there isn't anything you can do about it. I can sympathise in the fact that there are things that I wish I had changed in the past, nothing near as serious as what you've just posted, but I just think "there's no point focusing on how much better my life would be because it's impossible". If you're happy with the person you are at the moment, then you shouldn't focus on changing the past because you may not have turned out how you are now. |
 "Then you've got the chance to do better next time." "Next time?" "Course. Doing better next time. That's what life is." | |
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| * Bex | Aug 21 2009, 02:21 PM Post #3 |
★ Bextreme Dream ★
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That must have been aweful man :S I can't imagine how frightening that experience must have been, but you really shouldn't punish yourself for what happened and what didn't. For a start, it probably had nothing to do with you as a person, it was between your parents and that guy and things just didnt run smoothly for your dad. I myself have always been a bit of a hot-head, especially when I was younger, but now I'm quite shy just like you say you are. Reason being is because I have been telling myself bad things and putting myself down, which is what you're doing by saying you're a coward for not helping your dad. Even though your dad did walk away bleeding, you can say to yourself that at least he wasn't the one having affairs with other people's wives and that he was the better person for it despite the fact he did walk away physically hurt that time. What you're implying here is that this event was so catastrophic in your life that you believe it's what made you who you are. If that's really the case and you really have problems with it then maybe you should actually consult somebody about it because thats tough stuff to swallow or at least talk to your dad about how it was/is. As Mitas said, I don't think theres been anything that serious in my life that I can say, "I wish I had done this", and in hindsight you shouldn't be thinking of it that way either. That event has come and gone, your dad walked away the bigger man and with any luck he's now a lot happier because of it, and you should be too, just as long as you leave the past alone. Not to be offensive or anything, I was just trying to speak my mind there. |
..:: Prepare for Trouble ~ | ~ And Make it Double! ::.. ..:: Most Improved GFXer - 2016 ~ | ~ Joint Most Meme-savvy - 2016 ::.. | |
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| BattleMetal | Aug 21 2009, 11:31 PM Post #4 |
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No offense taken here lads. None at all but thanks for at least saying so (i know some people might be a bit touche so i understand why you felt a need to, its cool though). Appreciate you taking the time to respond as well. Think i should have worded the question a little differently. Maybe more like do you feel like the way you acted in a certain situation defined your character? It was a random memory that popped int my head the other day when i was walking to work when i was thinking about how i feel people dont respect me, i know people can sense weakness or strength in another person and respond accordingly, either taking advantage or being decent or just not bothering taking the person as they come across. I understand what is being said here and yes it was in the past and its done but i feel that if i had at least done something then i would always know i have that courage to step up and people would feel this. This thing that happened meant i allowed further future bad things happen or i didnt do anything when i should have. You can figure someone out within second of meeting them what kind of person they are to a certain degree. Got tons worth of crap in my head like this. I dont focus on the past too much now but the odd time its comes about and leaves me feeling not so good. All i can say now is that ive steered clear of bad things and will not pass on the same mistakes onto anyone i meet in future and wont tolerate them either. I live clean and healthy and work steady. Life isnt as good as id want but its nothing to complain about either. Its all good. |
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http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8040430/1/ Link to my DBZ fan-fic tale: Saiyans, Frieza, the Ginyu Force and other alien races and beings all chucked into the soup-pot for all out action and glory! http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8129945/1/#new Link to a DBZ inspired story/ battle scenario that i did when i was 16 http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8071554/1/#new Link to the Marvel/DC tale of the super-powered hereos and villians of both verses. Biggest heavy-hitters square off in an almight-free-for-all brawl! | |
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| Reggie | Aug 22 2009, 12:01 AM Post #5 |
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Wow hun, that's really... um, i'm literally at a loss for words. All i can really say is, you can't put yourself down for this, really, thirteen is frighteningly young to intervene in a situation like that, i've been there... but my mother's boyfriend was violent on the odd occasion, and every time he got that way, my mother would always scream out for my help... i was eight-years-old, in which case there was very, VERY little i could have done... i just stood there crying to be honest... so don't put yourself down, i know it happens, but children shouldn't be dragged into situations like this anyway... This guy, Brian is it? If you think you acted like a coward, you are very much mistaken, he's the coward, not you, not your Dad, it takes more courage to walk away from a fight, than it takes to get involved in one... issues like this do mold a person, unfortunately... watching my mother get smacked by her boyfriend made me terrified of men for over ten years of my life, made me shy, made me nervous, made me insecure... my confidence was shredded to pieces... fortunately i managed to pick myself up from it, i can never say i'm over it, but i can say i'm stronger for it... And you know what, kudos to you for not going to an extreme like this Brian guy, the likes of him aren't worth it anyway... but i would recommend you talk to someone about this alright, if it's affected you for quite some time, it needs to be sorted, sooner rather than later hun 
Edited by Reggie, Aug 22 2009, 12:02 AM.
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| BattleMetal | Aug 22 2009, 01:16 AM Post #6 |
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Aye Brian did much worse things besides, he got away with most of them too. My mum wouldnt give him up, she put us in danger because she didnt care about us anymore and just cared about her own selfish needs which Brian seemed to satify better than we could. Often she would say things like, 'What about my life? Why cant i have my happiness' or 'You happy now? Got what you wanted didnt you? Youve ruined my life. Hope your happy!'. Worse thing was she was more of a monster than he ever was, enjoying the damage she was causing for whatever reason. Think it gave her a sense of power. Just the way it was. Reggie this is off topic but every time i see your name i automatically think your a guy but when you say 'hun' and things im reminded you are a lady.  Glad when i discovered you where a lady too. Would give you a big warm hug and kiss you on the cheek if i met you Aye its harsh, people we are supposed to look upto, people who are supposed to protect us, people who act more like animals and spoiled children are put into these responsible roles and dont deal with things. We become collateral damage. Ive grown up dealing with things myself, ive learned also that speaking to a 'professional' is no good. Just speaking to everyday people is enough, people who know about life, even if they havent gone throught the same experiences they can help you come to terms with what a normal life is. They dont see you as an another client. Like you said as well, ive never really gotten over it but ive been able to put it behind me as much as possible. When i train or fight (boxing, no bad stuff ) it comes roaring to the surface, other than that im a humble guy who never gets into bother. |
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http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8040430/1/ Link to my DBZ fan-fic tale: Saiyans, Frieza, the Ginyu Force and other alien races and beings all chucked into the soup-pot for all out action and glory! http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8129945/1/#new Link to a DBZ inspired story/ battle scenario that i did when i was 16 http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8071554/1/#new Link to the Marvel/DC tale of the super-powered hereos and villians of both verses. Biggest heavy-hitters square off in an almight-free-for-all brawl! | |
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| Reggie | Aug 22 2009, 01:47 AM Post #7 |
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I'll only be off topic for a couple of mins, i promise, but ya, i'm a girl  You're not the first one to confuse me with a guy, when people hear Reggie, they think Reginald (god help me if that were the case!). That's why i try to inject bits of feminimity here and there so people can guess, unfortunately i'm a bit of a tomboy so it doesn't always work out  !You're right about the professionals, they don't help. I talked to guidance councillors, and they did feck all but nod and smile, at least my friends gave me feedback... and in some cases the damn pros relate these conversations to your parents, making matters worse! Never underestimate the power of 'talking' though (by talking i mean, getting it off your chest, all of it!!!), a problem shared is literally a problem halved, it's an immense weight off one's shoulders. I know this is coming off corny, but heck, i've always found the best kind of advice is the overused kind XXX Edited by Reggie, Aug 22 2009, 01:49 AM.
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| BattleMetal | Aug 22 2009, 10:24 AM Post #8 |
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I thought a bit about the comments mentioned about my dad walking away the bigger man. Fact is he lost it the moment he laid a finger on my mum when he tried to kill her in a fit of rage (never raised a hand to her before this). I wasnt there so dont know the full details just woke upto my mum screaming in the middle of the night. Still he was my dad, and like most peoples dads, he was my hero (at that time) and to see how people where with him, my mums neighbours threatening him and what Brian did to him was hard to see. My dad didnt just walk away physically injured he was crushed, his soul was beaten and he and i both knew it the moment he stood up and walked towards me covered in blood. He did wrong to my mum and paid for it later, beaten by the man who was his best mate and my mum helped. My dad left with his tail between his legs, royally FUBAR. Still now he lives a more content life, having a job, a new home and a different woman and still enjoys a good alcoholic drink or two . It was a difficult time for him then, being homeless and shamed but he managed through it. Reggie you are correct also, speaking to someone does lift the weight. It might sound corny but it is true. What i would say however is that it is important that you speak to the right people. If you can go to the source of the problem you should rather than skirting round it, even if you mean no harm, its always best to try and deal with it directly (takes some stones to do that sometimes). Sometimes you cant deal with the source (either because its a bad idea or isnt available) so yeah, just talking about your problems relieves the stress in your mind and makes things clearer. And you might be able to see things from a less dark perspective. Cool. |
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http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8040430/1/ Link to my DBZ fan-fic tale: Saiyans, Frieza, the Ginyu Force and other alien races and beings all chucked into the soup-pot for all out action and glory! http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8129945/1/#new Link to a DBZ inspired story/ battle scenario that i did when i was 16 http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8071554/1/#new Link to the Marvel/DC tale of the super-powered hereos and villians of both verses. Biggest heavy-hitters square off in an almight-free-for-all brawl! | |
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| * -Zero- | Aug 22 2009, 08:40 PM Post #9 |
Black Knight
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Well I apologize if I say something you think its weird since I have not read the whole topic yet, Ive read the first three or four posts. Here's what I think, you were only 13 so there was nothing you could have done. As Mitas said had you used a knife it could become bad you could have needed up with more trauma knowing that you either killed or almost killed a person. Which is worst the trauma, thinking you killed or the one that you didn't do anything but at least no one was killed? Or if you had used a pan would you even be strong enough to cause him to pass out? Maybe youd hurt him a little, but what then? Your mom would hold you back afterwords? He would grab you hit you or something, then go back to doing what he was doing? Look at it this way there really wasn't anything you could have done even if you had called someone by the time they would get there it would be over anyways. I'm pretty sure your dad never blamed you and never will blame you. Actually I'd think your dad wouldn't have wanted you to get involved with in the first place. Now with all that said if you feel like you could have done something but didn't, I always like to say you learn from the past and your mistakes. Take that into mind every time you come into a situation you can help someone and help them. A lot of people change to better people from experiences like this all you have to do is put your regret away and gain strength and do what you believe is the right thing to do |
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| BattleMetal | Aug 22 2009, 09:38 PM Post #10 |
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Zero i never thought of it like that. I didnt want to kill anyone i just wanted to help my dad and i knew i wasnt strong enough. Didnt matter if i hadnt hurt Brian as long as I helped my dad. Didnt think about how it would have affected him if i had gotten involved and hurt as well though. Mmm? Its just that fact that i didnt make the choice, i hesitated. I have always considered the consequences rather than act, sometimes this has been handy cause ive avoided making things worse but its the smaller simpler things when i feel like i should act that i dont. I dont have that happy medium yet. I have grown a lot since then. Ive matured into a man of sorts, i still dont know how to deal with people and voice my opinion if im against something. I have that feeling to do it but i cant find the words, often i just have that instinct to lash out but this is the real world. I didnt learm how to deal with things in a mature manner other than ignoring things. |
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http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8040430/1/ Link to my DBZ fan-fic tale: Saiyans, Frieza, the Ginyu Force and other alien races and beings all chucked into the soup-pot for all out action and glory! http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8129945/1/#new Link to a DBZ inspired story/ battle scenario that i did when i was 16 http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8071554/1/#new Link to the Marvel/DC tale of the super-powered hereos and villians of both verses. Biggest heavy-hitters square off in an almight-free-for-all brawl! | |
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| Reggie | Aug 22 2009, 09:44 PM Post #11 |
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I'm the exact same, i think it's down the fact that someone will disagree with me (god forbid!), and i'll be forced to react, something i'm not good at. I hate conflict, and i've stated my reasons above! I feel as though i must say something, but i always back down as it's easier to just ignore it and keep the peace (or keep my mouth shut in most cases), rather than speak up and automatically become the centre of attention, something i hate with a passion! |
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| BattleMetal | Aug 22 2009, 10:03 PM Post #12 |
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Thats how i feel. I hate conflict. Even if im in the right i find it hard to voice my feelings because in my past conflict always meant pain, anger and darkness in the extreme sense. It doesnt need to be anything too harsh but my subconscious mind re-inacts that feeling, those memories, so i find it hard, which leaves me feeling frustrated. Bit daft since im a boxer. Mind you thats different, cause i know i can hurt someone and it is only work, their is nothing personal in it and it is in a controlled enviroment with a time limit. That makes it worse as well cause i grew up thinking i was weak (i was fairly small, still am) but now i have grown strong and know how much damage i cant take and how much i can dish out and how to hurt people, badly. Now i really do have to show strength in character and not lash out. I never have and dont intend to. Its an easy choice to lash out, takes something else to hold your temper and see sense. |
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http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8040430/1/ Link to my DBZ fan-fic tale: Saiyans, Frieza, the Ginyu Force and other alien races and beings all chucked into the soup-pot for all out action and glory! http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8129945/1/#new Link to a DBZ inspired story/ battle scenario that i did when i was 16 http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8071554/1/#new Link to the Marvel/DC tale of the super-powered hereos and villians of both verses. Biggest heavy-hitters square off in an almight-free-for-all brawl! | |
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| Temphis | Aug 23 2009, 12:28 AM Post #13 |
Rampaging Explosion of Euphoric Glory!
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ya know, I feel ya about the fear of conflict. I don't know about you, but for me, contention has a specific feel to it. you can feel it eminating from someone, even if they don't say anything, when they are just really mad about something. it's like that with all feelings, but contention is one I can detect from a mile away, and I avoid it like the plague. however, I personally, avoid it by trying to communicate. Ive found, when people talk it out in a loving manner, out of concern, that their feeling of contention goes away. until they get it out though, they are like ticking bomb of anger, ready to go off at the slightest nudge, so yeah, it's intimidating to approach people like that. I never feel contention from myself, because I verbalize everything the moment it irritates me, which used to mean I complained, but now I just go directly to whoever is causing my iritation, and address with them how I feel, and how their actions are causing it. I don't expect them to stop unless they say they will, and I don't let it bother me if it's something they can't really help, ya know, unless it's in a working enviornment and it effects my job, than I normally will have to talk to managment about it if it can't be resolved normally. thing is, for me, I have the mentality to approach people about how I feel, because I had horrible things happen to me when I didn't in the past, so I learned from it and it's changed my character, closer to who I feel I actually am deep down, but social inadiquecies prevented me from being myself before. I think everyone, deep down, has a very strong character, but you gotta learn who you are through experiences, and when you discover things you don't like about your character, strive to figure out how to change, and when you can't, don't beat yourself up, because if you could have changed allready, based on your current experiences and knowledge, you would have. determining how to reach a desired goal however, gives you the knowledge to get there, and then all you need do is apply it through new experience, and your character will slowly change. thats what I've experienced at least. I'm completely different now than I was 5 years ago, but I won't say I am better all the way around, infact, I think in some ways, Ive degressed, because I have allowed myself to be changed by external forces in ways I didn't want, but I chose that, and now I live with the consiquences. likewise, I can get those characteristics back. things I've digressed in for example: I used to be very personal and approach new people and make new freinds alot, but I got to comfortable and now find I have to really push myself to talk to someone new, just like I was back in highschool. I used to care so much when ever I thought I did something wrong, I would do everything I could immediatly after in order to recompense it, but now I find I don't care as much, and I'm less prompt to fix mistakes right away (in someways, I'm less tight because of this, but overall, it's detrimental because now I don't realize I've done something wrong until later, cause I'm not focusing as much on doing things right the first time.....working at a disorganized grocery store can do that to ya.). theres some other things, but I'm not gonna go on anymore about this junk. I feel, so long as you learn from experience, and apply what you know, you should allways believe in yourself. even when you make mistakes, if you quickly determine why and remember the consiquences, you will be prepared to make the right choice the next time that situation occures, and if ya don't, than so long as you don't give up and keep learning, you will eventually overcome it. Sounds to me like your doing your best now, which is all you need to do, but your best will progress as you push yourself. and as you do things that are hard to do, they will become easier to you. I really respect you alot, just from the kind of character youv'e displayed on this forum, and while I may not know you personally, I think your a great individual. the only thing I am gonna invite you to do, is forgive yourself for anything you have ever done that you believe may have been a bad choice, and commit to yourself, and god if your a religious individual, that you will do your personal best not to do it agian, and I promise you that you will feel renewed and like you have clean slate, and if you ever do something your not proud of, learn from it, and recommit yourself, and you will always be on top. now that I've shared that, I think I need to reapply that for myself, cause that sounds pretty good right about now. |
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| * Itagaki Manabu | Aug 23 2009, 12:32 AM Post #14 |
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I wish I could go back in time and spend more time with my dad, he died of cancer when I was 9, Its quite annoying cos I didnt understand anything that was going on, I was really just an imature kid but so was everyone else at that age, its sad cos I feel like ive missed out on the family experience, I meen last year my friends dad died and I was sad for them but I was just thinking I wish I had 16 years with my dad. |
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| Mc Esse | Aug 23 2009, 11:37 AM Post #15 |
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Sorry to hear that Itagaki. I respect my father, and I take it for granted like everyone else. although in terms of father-son love, I have missed out. Although, if I could go back in time and change character, I'd go to high school. I was brought up in a rough school. I got expelled from my first school. The fact was that I never fought back and stood up for myself, then one time I did. I picked up a chair and threw it at someone. A cop even came into the room to break it up! Then again, I was transfered to a school for the bad kids. The kids were even tougher there, it was no fun at all. My character had begun to change. I had no choice but to defend myself this time. I wish in my previous high school I could have made a difference, I was a loner, I always got made fun of and I was weak. That changed now, but I wish it changed earlier. High School is one of the best times in your life, and I missed out on it. |
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