My dragonball story

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My dragonball story
Tweet Topic Started: Jul 22 2009, 09:22 PM (291 Views)
Super Goku	Jul 22 2009, 09:22 PM Post #1
Vizard Jinchurikii Posts: 966 Group: Member Member #4,266 Joined: June 26, 2009 Favourite Anime Dragon Ball Z What Browser do you use? Internet Explorer Favourite Manga Naruto	I guess ill give it a shot...tell me if i should go on past this first chapter. All the characters are fictional "Hajime." Tarsa said. "And he looks like a Hajime too!" Rouge said. Tarsa, Hajime's father, and Rouge, his mother stood over him. "He's just a baby.." Rouge said. The explosions from the ship rang out all around them. "The Main Dock exploded and Captain Tarble is in the Hospital." One of the doctors said to Tarsa. As they were speaking, the hospital took a missle to the side and exploded, killing Captain Tarble. "Captain Tarble died! Everyone get to the escape capsules before you get sick!" One of the head doctors yelled. Tarsa, holding Hajime in a blanket, ran to his escape capsule with Rouge. "You guys better get going. That Alien Strain is airborne. Your son could catch it quick if you don't get out of here" a man said while he got into his capsule. Tarsa and Rouge looked at eachother. The floor shuddered as explosions slowly ate away at the ship. The Saiyan race was being eaten alive by an alien disease. Once contaminated, the saiyan would slowly go insane and go through disgusting transformations that would slowly kill him or her. Hajime's immune system was too weak to withstand any exposure to the disease. Infected saiyans all over the galaxy have been going insane and exterminating any space ship they find in space. It was just their bad luck that a group of infected saiyans chose Captain Tarble's noble space craft to destroy. Rouge started crying. "I'll save him and put him in our pod. He'll go on to live a happy life." Tarsa said, comforting her. They layed down Hajime in his escape pod. He fell asleep. "Goodbye, son." Tarsa said. He pushed a button, and the hatch shut Hajime safely inside, safe from any alien strain. The capsule was launched into space. Tarsa and Rouge watched Hajime fly past the corrupt saiyans' ship as they blew up Tarble's ship and all the escaping pods. They gave a sigh of relief when Hajime made it safely past into the galaxy. The windows shattered, metal bent, and fire consumed the ship. Tarsa and Rouge were incinerated. Their room had been hit directly. Hajime was the last survivor of their family, safe in a space capsule flying across the galaxy. The destination? Earth. end of chapter 1 so should i continue his story? Edited by Super Goku, Jul 22 2009, 09:24 PM.
	BURNING HELL FTW


BattleMetal	Jul 22 2009, 10:14 PM Post #2
Posts: 596 Group: Member Member #3,821 Joined: November 24, 2008	good. we dont know who the characters are but we know they are saiyans so we can identify with them. the wee man hajime has had a tough start in life already. youve got this idea about saiyans being infected with a virus that drives them muderously insane and mutates them. interesting to see where you take this. you should try and break up your characters speech more instead of putting them in the same paragraph. will make it easier to read. use more descriptive language as well when characters speek to give us an idea of what hey think or feel during the situation. cool. bring us more of this alternate history.
	http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8040430/1/ Link to my DBZ fan-fic tale: Saiyans, Frieza, the Ginyu Force and other alien races and beings all chucked into the soup-pot for all out action and glory! http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8129945/1/#new Link to a DBZ inspired story/ battle scenario that i did when i was 16 http://dbzf.co.uk/topic/8071554/1/#new Link to the Marvel/DC tale of the super-powered hereos and villians of both verses. Biggest heavy-hitters square off in an almight-free-for-all brawl!


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