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12 years - a rant on time
Topic Started: Apr 21 2017, 11:30 PM (715 Views)
Sam
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It takes a mere second for treasure to turn to trash.

Preface: I'm not even sure how someone would respond to this, so feel free to move along :p

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April 21st 2005, twelve years ago this time today.

Don't feel like it... it really does not :lol:

I've been reading SO much nostalgic s***, and man, I was a prick back in the day. 2006-2007 primarily. I seem to have been fine in 2005. Then I found this old topic that almost nobody saw, I'll link snippets because of personal information:

Sam April 2007
 
I remember the time when I joined back in '05, I wanted to advertise a dumb forum of mine, I did, a month later, I came back, and made a bunch of friends, one of them was Z-Pan. I also remember the time we moved to IPB, and I got my first staffs position which I had so dearly wanted which .Artificial, had given me. I was part of 'The Support Team' a technical Super Mod. I was so happy, like the little nerd I was, I went upstairs and told everyone about it (regardless if they knew or not what the hell I was talking about)

I remember all the good and bad moments here. And I view myself as a bad moment, but I think there were some good, I'd do anything for this forum and all it's members. To tell you the truth, back, last January, I contemplated committing suicide after I almost had to go to the hospital due to a severe head injury from the people at my school, but this, and everyone here, were the people that actually stopped me from doing it. Good thing I have some real friends now... even if I still do get treated like crap on my birthday (ironically, the head bashing scenario occurred on my BDay). I feel as if I've gotten to personal into my own life (I've never talked about it until now) due to the fact I'm addressing this to you all here PERSONALLY and not as just 'co-workers' but as friends. And all the various things happening are nobodies fault but my own.

[some time later in ranty post]

I found you guys the only ones who would appreciate it if I tried to be funny or get someone to laugh (as personal and pathetic as this is) I never act this way anywhere else, but it's like an addiction and it's hard to break. The way I am typing now is the way I act on other forums. So I am truly sorry if I annoyed any of you. [Read: I was a complete prick, context: I was asking to be demoted, it was a goodbye topic]


The response I got?

Quote:
 
For now, I don't see why I should demote you, I could, but then, that's what others would like to see. Which is really quite sad, I don't like to see anyone forced off of a forum, regardless of how annoying they can be. Had I just listened to the opinions of other members of staff, I would have demoted you ages ago, but no, that's a stupid way to deal with anything. It solves nothing, all you end up with is a member who is angry/upset with the forum. Why people stop concentrating on one user and causing a fuss, everything will be much better again, that's obvious, because once they shut up, any real problems can be addressed correctly.

I find a lot of great wisdom in that quote to this day.

Thank you to XeroBlade, Andrew, my old friend that I'm fairly sure I helped push away from this forum. From the elaborate and hilarious conspiracy plots to overthrow Rena as Admin (did you kill him, Rena, is that why your avatar/username was Cersei Lannister? DID YOU KILL XERO?!) to threatening buttsecks - well, okay, I still do this to people - it was hilarious going through our PM chain from that very first PM I ever received among the many. You welcomed me here immediately. He'll never see this but today I was reminded of what a great friend I had in both XeroBlade and Rena. Especially Rena. You saved my a*** so many times. Pookie, I probably would have never recovered from my terminally s***ty behaviour between 2006-2007 had you and Strawbs not called me out on it so many times. I needed it. I more than deserved it.

Today was the day I was considering retiring and disappearing for good - that was the initial purpose of this topic. A goodbye. But I am tearing up going through some of these old messages. Seeing how immature I was. How I've grown. How I've not. How I've changed and what hasn't despite, well, life. The things I've done and haven't done. The friends I've made that I'll remember forever and the people that challenged my point of view and kept me from living in the bubble I tried to isolate myself in for so long as an abused child in both a vitriolic household and violent school-life.

I guess what hasn't changed is I still feel like the luckiest guy in the world to be given the privilege to be on this forum, as I was ten years ago. Not because of pride; because I have learned so much. When this board is dead, I'll still be left with tens of thousands of messages and posts that will showcase my growth into the person I am today. From campaigning for the President of the United States and how that allowed me to turn away from my abusive behaviour to so many of the people on here. It forced me to knock on the doors of strangers - a kid with an LCD screen tan - and walk into their homes and tell them why they should vote for the first black man to be President. It took more balls than I realized I had at 14 years old, and it forced me to learn respect. Now to moving on into a "newer generation" after XeroBlade and Bryan had gone, and Tim arrived. I handled that with immaturity - left the forum - came back and made another great friend in Tim. You better never disappear like Xero did, I did not take losing my first big kawaii-Admin crush too well and I don't think I could deal with losing my second :p

But in all seriousness and to actually f***ing focus besides rambling on like an idiot, thank you Rena for seeing something in me. I'm not sure what it was. I still am not sure. I would think many people would still not be so sure, but, well, you protected me all the time like an older sibling and made me feel like I belong. When my abusive meth-head step father was going on rampages and I'd hide in my bedroom for days in 2006-2007 or I was getting the living hell beaten out of me at school, either verbally or physically, and everyone here was justifiably calling for me to be demoted or step down for being a complete dick... you never let that happen, you gave me one of the gifts of my lifetime at this point. You kept me in house despite me being the source of so many problems and gave me a sanctuary where I had lacked one in real life. The last five years have been utter hell for me. We stopped talking so much as we did pre-2009/2010, but, you will always have my eternal gratitude.

As I move towards more of today, I'd have to say that while there is a nucleus of members from the "old days" (Kris/Strawberry, Graffiti, Rena/Meowth, Tim, Becca and Andre/Zero spring to mind the most) that I still keep in touch with, I feel just as gifted to have become friends with so many of you here and on other Dragon Ball forums that listing names would be simply asinine. I tend to linger on the past too much. It's part of my PTSD, I've been told. But surely without the history I've had here, I can't say whether or not I would have even had a future. I did nearly kill myself in 2006, and another dear lost friend on here snapped me out of it.

Cheers to every single one of you for defining this place over the years in your own way. I seriously intended for this post to have more of a point, but I've got lost on a nostalgia trip. If you've made it this far, you must be pretty f***ing bored or think I'm way too serious. However, given the state of my mind today vs. ten years ago and how I feel today as tragedy after tragedy has come in waves the last five years, I know choosing to go now would be one of the worst possible decisions I could make. I'll finally get the hell out and stop making long s***posts about how long I've been on a Dragon Ball Forum eventually - but, for now, you're still stuck with me. ;)

Unless I get banned again. :lol: (the first member of the GTFO group was me I believe - just to give you an idea on how much of an utter douche I am was).

inb4 Copy gets any ideas. :p

tl;dr: I love you. For all the PMs I went through of Xero's and I, I know that I could do the same about so many of you and make this topic into a 3500+ word gaslighted-essay :p

Sincerely,

TWISTEDBroly
ParanoiaBroly
Hellfire_Kakashi
Corrupt[ed]
Necifix
Samuel (f*** you Darker :p )
Dad

Among other old usernames on here, but the only one that really matters:

Sam
Edited by Sam, Apr 22 2017, 12:17 AM.
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Zorcman
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I came to light some gas
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+ Saiyan Paladin
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I wouldn't have bothered reading all that if it wasn't from you, Sam.

We love you, bruh. Well, minus the sodomy :rofl:
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Sam
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It takes a mere second for treasure to turn to trash.

Zorcman
Apr 22 2017, 12:10 AM
I came to light some gas
It's at least pretty lit, fam. ;)
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Zorcman
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Bend over and accept dis D. My influence commands it. :gokudance:
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Zorcman
Apr 22 2017, 12:42 AM
Bend over and accept dis D. My influence commands it. :gokudance:
You can have Sam move in with you, since you're so close to San Francisco.

Also, Sam ran for president?
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Daemon Keido
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Warmaster of Chaos

*raises a glass of Guinness while handing one to Sam*

To Absent Friends, who we hold dear
To Absent Friends, please raise a cheer
To Absent Friends, no longer here
For Absent Friends, we gather here.

Let our adventures ever continue.
A Shadow is merely Darkness in the presence of Light


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Thanks Kid Buu for this awesome sig!

The Emperor Protects
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Sam
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It takes a mere second for treasure to turn to trash.

Daemon Keido
Apr 22 2017, 12:56 AM
*raises a glass of Guinness while handing one to Sam*

To Absent Friends, who we hold dear
To Absent Friends, please raise a cheer
To Absent Friends, no longer here
For Absent Friends, we gather here.

Let our adventures ever continue.
Cheers mate. A better tl;dr than I could ever do :lol:

Well, I was the assistant regional campaign manager in Polk County, WI for then-Senator Barack Obama. He did become the POTUS. I see how I worded that though ;) lol
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Daemon Keido
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Warmaster of Chaos

That little poem used to be on every RP community board I was ever part of. Technically it was supposed to be used whenever a player in real life died but it still works for moments like this.

.....I should probably sticky that here in DBZF, now that I think about it.....
A Shadow is merely Darkness in the presence of Light


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Thanks Kid Buu for this awesome sig!

The Emperor Protects
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+ Emmeth
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I Yoeri

We've had many talks over the last year or so, and despite the fact that you go on and on about how we'll all be sick of you at some point, that has not happened yet. I can't speak for the others and maybe I'm just particularily patient with people, but for me I'd say it's never gonna happen. I'll always try to help you through tough times and I'll live life with you through the good times.

You friend, now and always
Emmeth... Or Kim, since you call me by my first name.
Edited by Emmeth, Apr 22 2017, 07:40 AM.
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My Twitch Page
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Rockman
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hoighty-toighty

I should have GTFO'd you long ago. If for the only reason being your continued suggestion that you were a prick.
You aren't, and never were as much of a prick as you say. The real problem is all the whiner who confront your moderation. If being a prick means doing your job as moderator, then so be it. Should remember that.
There have been far worse people come and go from this forum than anyone who is currently reading or writing in this thread.
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Sam
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It takes a mere second for treasure to turn to trash.

Well, Kris, Ana and Becca along with Xero at times in 06-07 can probably attest to what an immature bastard I was :p It was why I was willing to step down ten years ago when we were overstaffed or something and we had some inactives. I was willing to fall on the sword because I had been coming to terms with my own douchebaggery.
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Sam
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It takes a mere second for treasure to turn to trash.

I found some stuff using the WayBack Machine. This skin was a bit different from the one that we used when I joined, but, I still remember it pretty well:

http://web.archive.org/web/20050710025859/http://s8.invisionfree.com:80/Dragonball_Z_Forum/

I feel like we could use some of these old banners :p
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Goddess Ultimecia
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Looks pretty good honestly.
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NinjaSushi Colouring
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Rockman
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hoighty-toighty

Sam
Apr 23 2017, 10:43 PM
Well, Kris, Ana and Becca along with Xero at times in 06-07 can probably attest to what an immature bastard I was :p It was why I was willing to step down ten years ago when we were overstaffed or something and we had some inactives. I was willing to fall on the sword because I had been coming to terms with my own douchebaggery.
Consider the possibility that your immaturity and douchebaggery are why we love you so much.

When you make sex jokes at me, I don't react to them. Probably because I don't know how. But I appreciate the effort.
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